Page 20 of Something Beyond Fame

“What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about your parents.”

“I think I told you that my mother has bipolar disorder. Highs and lows. Mania and depression. My father worked every day of my childhood to keep the balance, the peace, to give me stability, but really, she needed medication, and that just came and went. Years of gray, no happy or sad, just stoic. My mother couldn’t love me when she was on medication. She couldn’t love anything or anyone. She was simply indifferent.“

“Then there were the times without the medication. As a child, I loved the manic times. So much love, energy, and freedom. Excitement burst from her, and gray days burst into every color of the rainbow. Then came the black. The depression that gripped our home was like a black storm. Words dripped with hate, looks laced with disdain. So that was the foundation of my home life. A family that gravitated around the mood of one person. I don’t blame my mother. I love her, and I understand how hard she tried, how difficult life is for her, and how her brain just works differently.” It was true. I held no malice now. It was the past I’d left behind.

“Her mantra, though. Life lesson, motto, whatever you want to call it. Perfection is a projection. I grew up in a small place. It was stifling, suffocating, especially because I knew I was gay. I knew I was never going to be accepted. So I left. I left that world behind me with a smile and warm thoughts but closed that chapter.”

I look up from my coffee. I’d mumbled, talking more to myself and hoping Claudia could overhear the monologue rather than feel as if I was sharing it directly with her.

“Thank you. I know it isn't easy to walk down memory lane.” She gestured at the cafe around her with a knowing smile. “But I like sharing with you, and I like you sharing with me. I was lonely, Raven, and with you I don't feel like I’m lonely at all.”

The waitress slid in, leaving our plates. I felt an overwhelming burst of emotions, and my cheeks pinked as the thoughts ran through my mind. To stop myself, I grabbed my fork and took a huge bite of something deep-fried. The taste of grease filled my mouth, I could barely get my mouth to work, never mind swallow. I forced it down and took a second bite then looked her straight in the eyes.

“Claudia, I love you, but I can't eat this.”

The silence lingered. My world paused as her fork stilled at her lips.

“I love you, too.”

And just like that, my world exploded into a rainbow of colors.

10

Claudia turned into me, and I woke to soft, sweet sleepy kisses dotting my face. She softly, breathlessly murmured against me. It was only 4 a.m., but my body was very much awake.

“I just want to breathe you in. Take in the way you smell. Listen to how you breathe. And nuzzle you just a tad,” Claudia said.

“Oh,” I moaned softly, then replied. “I want that.”

“Me, too. Just to rest and cuddle against each other. Lots of kisses and snuggles. One on your nose. And cheek. And forehead. And lips.” After she said each place, her lips found my skin and peppered me.

“I do like a lot of kisses, and I like them everywhere…”

“Hmm. Like where?” she asked playfully.

I rolled slowly onto my front, moving my hair to one side to show the nape of my neck. “Here.”

Her lips moved down to my neck, and she placed a kiss right on the nape of my neck. I turned my cheek, smiling softly. My fingers moved to my shoulder and slipped off a strap. "And here."

She moved to where the strap previously occupied my skin and placed another right on the bareness of my shoulder.

I bit my lip. I could feel the tingle of her kiss against my skin. My fingers moved to the other shoulder and slipped that strap off, too. "Or my left side will be jealous."

"We can't have that, can we?" She laughed and moved to the left side and gave it a nice kiss, as well. Just to keep things fair.

I laughed and shook my head. "We can't have that." My fingers curled into my shirt, trying to pull it down, but it was tangled. "You may need to help me."

Her hands worked it at a different angle and ever so slowly, nice and patiently, helped me pull it down my body, over my chest, dragging over my nipples. I felt them harden against the bed. She pulled my shirt down my stomach to rest at my hips and the bottom of my back until my back was exposed. "I like kisses there, too."

She began to move down, her breath hot on my back, and then she leaned in and placed one kiss and then another, and another, working slowly down my body, placing kisses all over my bare back.

I shivered. My hands took the sheets and bunched them in my palms. Fuck, it could be such a simple thing, but each kiss made my head spin. Her lips followed the bumps of my spine, my soft pale skin, inching lower and lower.

She slowed and took her time, following the shivers as she worked down my back. I took it all in as she moved lower, kissing along my spine, her tongue trailing down.

I felt the line her tongue left, reaching the dimples of my lower back. "I think we have a problem," I whispered, feeling the bunched fabric of my vest and shorts very much in the way.

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