Page 4 of Twenty-Three Years of Longing

Damn it!

I wasn’t crying about it, but I loved what I did and didn’t want anyone coming here to fuck it all up.

I was stressing about something that hadn’t happened yet. Chuckling to myself, I realized that I sounded like my grandmother and upset about an unknown future. I trusted Reesa with running the country. Why would I for a minute doubt that she’d chosen my replacement with any less consideration?

Tossing my phone back on the coffee table, I laid back on the couch and closed my eyes. There was no point in second-guessing my decision. It was made. I needed to move forward and learn everything I could from Reesa. She’d promised me that she would always be only a phone call away, but she had a natural gift and the ability to connect with people.

How the hell am I supposed to learn that?

This was a crappy attitude and if I were one of my students, I would give them a lecture on how you could accomplish anything if you set your mind to it. It was time for me to take my own advice.

I got up from the couch, turned on the lights, grabbed my laptop, and watched a few motivational speeches. I had them readily available because the speaker was none other than myself.

Maybe she is right, and I can do this.

Since failure wasn’t an option, I was going to do everything in my power to succeed. And I was going to make sure my replacement did the same.

CHAPTER 2

Raya Davison

It felt strange being back in Tabiq after ten years. I kept telling myself that I was just going to attend college and immediately return. But that fell through when I got caught up in my newfound freedom. My studies took a back seat to pave the way for my social life. Huge mistake. I fell in love, or as I realize now, lust, with a blonde, blue-eyed gorgeous man. Things moved quickly and within just a few months, I found myself pregnant and married to a man who was far from interested in settling down.

The marriage was over almost as fast as it started. I was crushed, and scared, but the Dean of the college gave me the best pep talk, one like my mother would’ve had I shared about what was going on in my life. He told me that the past didn’t define a person unless you allowed it to. That I should focus on what I saw for me and my son, and not look back.

That was a lot easier to do back in the United States. I had no family or friends there to judge me. But coming back home to Tabiq as a divorced woman, now a single mother, I was going to be looked at differently. People didn’t get divorced in Tabiq. Instead, they kept their problems hidden. Not me. I wasn’t going to stay married to a man who couldn’t keep his zipper closed any time he was around other women. It was not fair to me, and I didn’t want my son to think that it was the way to treat women. When I told him I wanted a divorce, he gladly signed the papers and never looked back. Not even to check on his son, Joey.

It was a hard road working full-time, taking online classes, and being a single mother, but I did it. I was proud of what I accomplished without asking anyone for help. Joey was a happy, healthy nine-year-old. He had friends and even played on the local Little League baseball team. In all these years, everything I did was what I thought was best for him. Now I was ripping him away from all he’d ever known and bringing him to a country that might be in his blood but foreign to him. Joey didn’t even speak Tabiqian. The move here was going to be a shock for him, so I decided to leave him in the care of my best friend Kathy for two weeks while I got things prepared for us here.

First was telling President O’Connor about Joey because I couldn’t, and didn’t want to, hide him. We are a package deal. If my being a single parent didn’t work for her, then I would head back to the States. It might end up putting her in a lurch, but Joey came first. Always has and always will.

The SUV that picked me up from the airport pulled in through the large iron gates of New Hope Resort. Until I found a place to live permanently, I would need to stay here.

New Hope had just been built a few years before I left for the States. It looked even grander than I recalled, then again, everything about Tabiq seemed to be bigger, brighter and improved since I left eleven years ago. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who had changed. Maybe I wouldn’t be put under the microscope about what my life has been like since I left.

Even if things had changed, I wasn’t about to share the truth about what happened, and I’d need to be careful as to what I said. There was already enough doubt and fear about women traveling outside Tabiq. I didn’t want to add any fuel to it. There were plenty of good men out there. It was my fault for falling for his charm and ignoring what my gut had told me. That he was just a player and would always be one.

I knew I should’ve divulged all of this when I was interviewed for the school administrator position, but she didn’t ask, and I wasn’t forthcoming either. That probably was because I never imagined that I’d be chosen for the job. I thought for sure that she’d have promoted someone local. Someone who never left Tabiq. Someone who would be staying there longer than me.

Not that I was taking the job because I had to. Of course I had choices. But this was going to be a nice addition to my resume. Hopefully, it could also open doors for me when I eventually decided to return to the States. Joey was going to college someday, and that wasn’t going to happen in Tabiq. They don’t have such things.

But I couldn’t turn this down. It was an amazing opportunity. I had my Master’s degree in education, with a minor in child psychology. On top of that, I’ve been teaching special needs children for the past two years. I was positive that it was a requirement.

Maybe that was what she hired me for. That doesn’t mean I completely believed that I was the right fit for Tabiq, even though I was a Tabiqian.

The president has done so many wonderful things for Tabiq. I wasn’t doubting her ability. I just worried that her choice could come with some negative feedback if I don’t deliver what they expect of me. And from what I remember of Tabiq, it won’t take long for people to form an opinion and voice it.

So much could go wrong with all of this. Especially since my situation wasn’t exactly one that fit Tabiq’s definition of ideal.

It didn’t take me long to settle in my room. I quickly showered and was dressed for my meeting. She said she would come to my room. I got it. The announcement of replacing Mr. Moyer hasn’t been made yet.

Jet lag was catching up with me, and I was fighting to stay awake. I wish I’d slept on the plane, but I was too worried about how Joey was going to handle this time without me. I’d never left him with a sitter overnight, never mind for two weeks. Kathy assured me that he was fine and even Facetimed me to show he was sound asleep in bed. Funny how resilient kids are. The entire drive to Kathy's house, I was waiting for him to beg me not to go. Instead, he wanted to make sure she had shopped for his favorite foods and that I had packed his video game system in case he got bored.

Kathy was all about fun. While I boarded the plane, she took him on the bike path and then out for pizza for dinner. I should be more worried that Joey would be bored when he came home to live with me again. I don’t play video games and I also limit the amount of junk food in the house. Yeah. I’m a mom. We’re not supposed to be fun. We’re supposed to be responsible.

I thought back to my own childhood. I didn’t have much of a relationship with my parents. They were protective, but I don’t recall it being fun. But Tabiqian parents were so very different from American ones. Everything about America was.

This was home, or at least it used to be. But home for me now, was the US. Could I adjust to this? Was it possible for me to adapt to the old ways again after experiencing such freedom?

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