Page 1 of Deadly Desires

Prologue

Melody

Nine months ago

The rain pitter patters on the shingles of my house, a song desperate with longing for the sun. The wind is howling, screaming its defiance to any that will listen...

I’m listening. It’s all I can do. All I’ve become is a shell of myself since that night. A night so twisted, I revisit it in my nightmares each time I go to sleep. The medication barely works, but my doctor won’t up the prescription. Sleep evades me like the moon evades the sun. A clap of thunder shakes the house and I startle. Loud noises launch me into panic attacks that steal my breath and cloud my vision. This storm is raging a battle against me, but inside, I’m too numb to care to even arm myself to fight back.

Most nights I lie awake contemplating life and how to end it. I am a survivor, but I have no idea how much longer I can claim that title. Most days I fight the need to cut, to release this energy within my soul lest it burst out of my very being in ways that would hurt those around me. I wear the scars of my failed battles on my wrists, hidden behind long sweaters and jackets that I can always be found in. I long for peace, to be rid of this constant, all consuming pain.

I am broken.

My parents say it about me in hushed tones they don’t think I can hear at the lavish parties and charity events they host. I suppose I am, though I have no energy to care or dispel their belief. They tell me I need to get out more, go hang out with my friends, or meet a new guy. But they don’t understand. They don’t understand I physically, mentally, and emotionally have no energy for any of it. I barely have enough energy to paste on a smile at the events and hold myself tall with poise and grace as I make idle small talk with old Mrs. Anderson, one of our charity sponsors who is always decked out in massive amounts of diamonds.

This is depression, anxiety, and PTSD wrapped into one shell of a person.

I dream of better days, where I am whole and well. It seems like such a foreign notion. I think back to who I was a year ago; a bright college student going for her bachelor’s degree in criminal law and the star linemen on the college football team was proposing to her during their championship win. Life was good. Until it wasn’t only three months ago. Until life shattered everything I thought I knew and hoped to be. I dropped out of college. I couldn’t handle it at all with my depression, suffering from anxiety attacks anytime someone got too close to me, or even bumped into me. My parents knew what happened, and my friends suspected, but I’ll keep that secret until I’m dead and cold inside.

Other than my parents, there is only one other that knows my secret… and that was my then-fiancé, Brian. Although he claimed he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that all changed once he found out what happened that fateful night. How broken I am inside. I would be a stain on his otherwise pristine reputation, and he didn’t want to risk his career with my “drama.” We both run in the same upper class; there is no room to be dragged down by me. He ended things immediately, wanting no part in who I now am. I quickly learned that it was best not to utter a single word to anyone else. Because surely they would do the same—cut me from their lives and abandon me. So instead, I’ve pushed everyone away so they can’t hurt me first.

One

Melody

Present Day

Today I am going out job searching… blehhhh. What money I had saved up in my account, and have been surviving on for the last year, has started to dwindle. I realize I can’t keep surviving on ramen noodles and my parents. While I have my associate’s degree in criminal law, I want to find something that I love doing. Don’t get me wrong… I do want to return to law someday, I just can’t bring myself to be faced with horrors much like my own right now. I prefer to find a job that keeps me as far away from those troubles as possible.Plus, my therapist agrees with me, so it must be the right choice.

Walking down Main Street, I keep a close eye on each store I pass in hopes of seeing a hiring sign. Before I know it, I come across my favorite store and can’t resist making a stop. As I pause outside our city’s little bookstore, a sign catches my eye in the window. Now Hiring in bold red letters that scream desperation. Could this really be happening?! It must seriously be my lucky day.

Making my way into the store, I feel at peace for once. Books hold my heart in a way no man ever could. I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders as I take in the cozy room. The morning sunlight streams into the room from large bay windows that are accompanied by a plush couch and chair for customers that want to do a little reading. There are built in bookshelves that line each wall, and in the open space there are numerous little tables holding a variety of books, most labeled by a small sign for which genre they fall into. I beeline straight for the TikTok spicy section. Although I have very little, if none at all in my life currently, romance has always been my favorite genre when it comes to books, and this little store specializes in all things romance.

After browsing for a bit, and reading the back of a few books, I make my selection and head to the register. A young girl, maybe in her early twenties, with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, bright blue eyes, a dusting of freckles, and a name tag that says “Brooke,” waits at a large mahogany counter ready to check me out. She seems so warm and welcoming that I immediately feel at ease.

“Hello,” I say with a small smile as I lay my single book on the counter.

“Hey! Did you find everything OK?”

“Yes, thanks. I saw you have a Now Hiring sign in the window. I was wondering if I could apply?” I ask, hope brimming to the top.

I think her eyes might bulge out of her head with the excitement radiating from her very being.

“O.M.G., you absolutely can! When can you start?”

“Umm… don’t I need to fill out an application?”

“I’m actually the owner. I have a good feeling about you based on your book selection alone!” She winks and I blush. “No need for all that nonsense. By the way, my name’s Brooke.”

“Melody. Nice to meet you,” I reply.

We shake hands and exchange phone numbers. Even though I am caught off guard, I ask her a few more questions about the job and the hours. I’d be working 11 A.M. to 5 P.M. every day, plus Saturdays from 9 A.M. to 3 P.M.

It’s not forty hours like I was hoping to find, but it’s close enough, and I’ll take whatever I can get right now. And surprisingly, the pay is pretty good, actually really damn good for a little bookshop on Main Street.

Anything that helps me to stop living off money from my parents. Plus, I love books; what else could I possibly ask for? Brooke also seems very nice, and a typical young adult with all the exuberance and excitement of a young teen. I accept the job and Brooke states that I can start tomorrow at 8 A.M., a little early, so she can train me on the basics before the store opens. I’ve never been a morning person but at least it’s only one early day a week.

I thank her for the opportunity and leave the store, clutching my book to my chest and a small smile on my face. Maybe life is taking a turn for the better. Maybe, just maybe, I can find that spark for life again.

---