Page 112 of This is Why We Lied

I know you and me laugh about Chuck, but he’s still a man and he is strong. I guess he’s always had a thing for me. I went out of my way to never encourage it, but maybe I did something by mistake. I was always grateful that Fish had a friend. Your poor uncle gets so lonely up here. Truth be told, I think Fish would probably throw himself off the big falls if he didn’t have Chuck up here keeping him company.

All of those thoughts were going through my head, believe it or not. The brain part of me was making the calculations about how much it would hurt Fish if I screamed and woke up the house. The body part of me had disappeared. I learned how to do that a long time ago and I hope you never find out why. But just know that I wasn’t going to break my brother’s heart.

But none of that ended up mattering because Fish walked in. Now I will say that in all my years, Fish has never just walked into my bedroom. He’s always knocked first, then usually stood out in the hall. He’s respectful like that. But maybe he heard me struggling since he’s right next door. I don’t know what brought him there. I’m sure as hell not going to ask him because we haven’t talked about it since and never will as far as I’m concerned. But what happened was, this is the only time I think I’ve ever heard him yell. He never raises his voice. But what he said was STOP!

Chuck stopped. He got off me so fast it was like it never happened. He ran out of the room. Then Fish just looked at me. I thought he was gonna call me a whore, but what he said was, “Do you want me to tell him to leave?”

There was a lot in that question, because it told me Fish knew I didn’t ask for it. Being honest, that was what mattered the most. People always assume the worst of me, but Fish knew that I was never interested in Chuck that way. And he was willing to give up his only friend in the world to prove it.

So what I told him was, as long as it never happens again, Chuck can stay. Fish just nodded and left. And I’ll say that Chuck has acted like it never happened, which is a relief. We’re all just ignoring it. But it wasn’t without a consequence, and that’s why I’m telling you this story. I was real shaken when Fish closed my door. Some of my clothes were torn. And it’s not like I can go into town and buy new things with all my money. Ain’t nothing I’ve got up here that didn’t come from a donation box.

But when I stood up, my knees gave out. I hit the floor. I was so angry at myself. What did I have to be upset about? Nothing actually happened. It just almost happened. And that was when I saw that your light was still on.

Now, I’ve lived my life watching shit roll downhill and come right for me. Papa gets mad and he takes it out on Bitty. Bitty takes it out on me. Or the other way around, but I’m always at the bottom of the hill. That night, I took it out on you, and I am sorry. This isn’t an excuse, it’s just an explanation. And maybe I just want to write this down so that somebody knows what happened. Because what I’ve learned with men like Chuck is that they get away with something once, they’re gonna try to get away with it again. I’ve seen it happen so much with your daddy that I can set my watch by it.

Anyway, I’m gonna leave it at that.

I love you with all my heart and I’m sorry I yelled,

Mama

15

Penny had not lied about Rascal being gassed up. The horse had practically floated up the mountain on a cloud of flatulence. Unfortunately, Faith was at the closest end of the source. She’d brokebacked with Penny, clutching her arms around the woman’s waist for dear life. Faith had been so terrified of falling and being trampled that she’d gone into some kind of hysterical fugue state. She’d found herself asking existential questions like what kind of planet would her children inherit? and how come Scooby Doo, who is a dog, can’t smell the difference between a ghost and a human?

Penny clicked her tongue against her teeth. Faith had buried her face in the woman’s shoulder. She looked up and nearly cried from relief. There was a sign on the road. McAlpine Family Lodge. She saw a parking pad with a rusted-out truck and a GBI UTV.

“Hold on,” Penny said. She’d probably felt Faith’s grip loosen around her surprisingly muscular abs. “Just another second.”

The second was more like half a minute, which was too long. Penny whoa’d Rascal beside the truck. Faith put her foot on the hump over the back tire. She half-fell, half-stumbled into the truck bed, landing sideways on her Glock. The metal banged into her hip bone.

Faith let out a loud, “Fuck.”

Penny gave her a disappointed look. She clicked her tongue. Rascal pulled away.

Faith looked up at the trees. She was sweaty and bug-bitten and she was very tired of nature. She shifted off of her Glock. She climbed down from the truck. She lifted her purse over her shoulder. She went to the UTV. Rested her hand on the plastic over the engine. It was cold, which meant the vehicle had been parked there for a while. The storage trunk was locked. Hopefully that meant they’d secured some evidence. She looked in the back seat. There was a blue Yeti cooler, an emergency first aid kit, and a backpack with a GBI logo on it. Faith tugged open the zipper. She found a satellite phone.

She clicked the button on the side, engaging the short-range walkie-talkie. “Will?”

Faith released the button. She waited. Nothing but static.

She tried again. “This is Special Agent Faith Mitchell with the GBI. Respond.”

Faith released the button.

Static.

She tried a few more times with the same result. She tucked the phone into her purse, then headed to the center of the compound. Faith did a full turn. Not a soul was in sight. Even Penny and Rascal had disappeared. She tried to get a basic lay of the land. Eight cottages spoked out in a semi-circle from a large, higgledy-piggledy house. Trees were everywhere. You couldn’t throw a rock without hitting one. Puddles dotted the ground. The sun was like a hammer pounding against the top of her skull. She could see entrances to a few trails. There was no telling where they led because she didn’t have a map.

She needed to locate Will.

Faith reversed her three-sixty, checking each of the cottages. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. She felt like she was being watched. Why was no one coming out? It wasn’t like she’d sneaked into the compound. The horse was snorty and loud. She’d banged into the truck like a mallet hitting a gong. Faith was dressed in her regs: tan cargo pants and a navy shirt with giant yellow GBI letters on the back.

She raised her voice, calling, “Hello?”

One of the cottage doors opened clear across the compound. Faith watched as a balding, unshaven man in a wrinkled T-shirt and baggy sweatpants trotted toward her. He was out of breath by the time he finally got close enough to speak. “Hi, are you with Will? Did you bring Sara? Is she on the horse? That didn’t look like her. Will told me she’s a doctor.”

Faith guessed, “Frank?”

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