Page 55 of Psycho

It took me a while, but I eventually nodded, saying quietly, “You do. You need help.” I wasn’t the kind of girl who thought my presence could help a guy change. Even if I was a sparkling, perfect influence, Sawyer needed professional help. He needed to learn a different mindset, he needed…a lot of things.

What he didn’t need was my drama.

Sawyer looked over his shoulder, at Travis near the house. Declan was still inside. We were as alone as we could get, and maybe that was why he said what he said next: “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” His green gaze was back on me the next moment.

“Don’t be.” We weren’t together. He had nothing to apologize for. Not really.

Well, okay, he did, but I didn’t want to hear him say it. Not again.

“Everything I did,” he went on. “To you, to Declan. I…I fucked it all up, pushed everyone away, and now I…” He closed his eyes, obviously pained. This was the real Sawyer, and it pained my heart to see him like this. “I think I was wrong, about everything. I…just promise me you’ll be careful, okay?”

His train of thought was all over the place. I asked, “What are you talking about?” It didn’t sound like he was talking about Ray.

“Sabrina’s note,” he whispered. “It didn’t blame Declan.”

I said nothing, not quite understanding what he was saying.

“It said D. Briggs. D. Just the letter.”

It dawned on me then what else that D could stand for. Hint: it wasn’t dick with a capital D.

Dean Briggs.

No. No fucking way. No—

But did I really know Dean Briggs that well?

“Everything I did, I know I can’t take any of it back,” Sawyer muttered, a shaky hand rubbing the back of his neck. The awkwardness didn’t suit him. “But you should know that I would. If I could, I would.”

My mouth opened, but no words came out.

“I didn’t want to see you before I left. I thought it would only make it harder, and I was right.” Sawyer shook his pink head. “Good luck with Ray.”

“Thanks,” I said, the awkwardness now taking hold of me. “You too…with rehab.”

“Thanks.”

Our eyes locked, and honestly, there was so much more I wanted to say, so much more I could tell him, but I swallowed it all down. Sawyer didn’t need any confessions. He didn’t need me to tell him that I cared for him even though he was a fuckup. He definitely didn’t need to know the stupidest part of me loved him in spite of it all.

No. I’d let him go. I’d let him go, and maybe this stint would do him some good. Maybe he’d come back a new man, maybe not. Hell, maybe I wouldn’t even be alive at that time.

Dean Briggs…

It couldn’t be, could it?

Sawyer said nothing else as he got in the car, and once he was sitting again, with the door between us, Travis began to make his way to the car, tossing whatever was leftover of his cigarette down.

Travis stared at me from across the top of the car, and I asked, “You’re making sure he checks in?” After he nodded, I said, “Good.” Good. This was anything but good, but there were no other words to say at this point.

I just felt…sad. Confused.

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” he said. “Stay with Declan.”

It was my turn to nod, and then I watched them go. That, I realized, just might be the last time I’d ever see Sawyer. If things with Ray didn’t go as planned, if something happened, that might’ve been our last goodbye.

What a shitty goodbye it was.

Call me a wimp, but it felt like a piece of my heart went with him.

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