Page 6 of Psycho

Was it wrong that when I felt a cock nudge my entrance I pictured it belonging to Will?

I inhaled sharply the moment I felt him push it in, and even though I shouldn’t, I wrapped my arms around his back and hugged him closer to me. I wanted to apologize to everybody, to tell them I was sorry for fucking up, but I couldn’t. I’d been spiraling, and now I’d finally hit rock bottom. It was a terrible place to be, but I didn’t know how to get out of it.

Climbing out seemed impossible, so why not just surrender to the inevitable?

It wasn’t Ray who fucked me then, it was Will. My mind said it was Will, so it was Will. Will’s cock, gliding in and out of me. Will’s grunts from the chest above me, the chest I clung to for dear life. Will’s hips rocking back and forth, filling me up with a kind of pleasure I’d almost forgotten.

There was something so primal about surrendering, something so carnal about letting a man have you and feeling him inside. My mind didn’t want Ray; it wanted Will, it wanted Declan. Basically it wanted anyone else but who it was in reality.

Alas, reality was reality, and there was no escaping mine.

Ray fucked me like a wild man, like someone who hadn’t had their drug of choice in years. Someone who’d fallen off the wagon and had no hope of climbing back on. I was the prize, the treasure that had been kept from him for so long.

It wasn’t even that long, not really. A year? Maybe less? I didn’t know. Time ceased to matter the moment I realized he’d found me again. Ray had found me, gotten out from the trap I thought I placed, and he wasn’t going to let me go again. I was his. I’d always been his.

I turned my head toward the window again, my eyes open just enough to see the blue sky outside as my body jostled against the bed. I didn’t want to feel bodily pleasure, and yet, my sick, twisted body did. I was cold, but Ray made me warm. I was a traitor to everything I believed in and everyone I’d ever met.

What was wrong with me?

Pressure built inside of me, and my body reacted of its own accord. My inner walls tightened around his cock, and another orgasm spread through me like molten lava. This time I couldn’t hold back my wail of pleasure. This time I cried out, my cry as loud as my lungs would let me be.

Ray grunted above me, slamming his cock as deep as it could go. My release must’ve helped edge him toward his, because in the next moment, his shoulders were tensing above me, and he nearly collapsed on top of me. His thrusting slowed, and he didn’t pull out of me right away, but when he did, I felt him take a piece of me with him. My soul, if I had any of it left.

“I forgot how good you feel,” Ray murmured, rolling beside me. He wrapped an arm around my stomach, moving it beneath the slip I wore.

I could feel the mess of our sex starting to leak out of me. It wasn’t the only thing leaking out—a tear had formed, a single tear, and it made its way out of the crook of my eye and onto the pillow below. Thankfully my back was to Ray, so he didn’t see it, didn’t question me on it. Ray had no idea how fucked up I really was right now. He didn’t know how broken he made me.

Once I was sure I wasn’t about to burst into tears, I muttered, “Why did you find me? Why didn’t you just run?” Ray had to have known that the police were probably watching him. Hell, he could’ve led them right to me, and then I’d be wrapped up in this. Ray couldn’t be tried for the same crime again because of double jeopardy, but I could.

An accomplice I was not…but I knew. I could’ve been a key witness, could’ve testified against him, but I was too scared. Too frightened. I tended to shut down when things got tough.

I was never strong. I was always weak, and this just proved it. I was a sniveling, weak wimp who ran away from her problems, time and time again. A person could pretend to be strong, could feign inner strength, for only so long before the walls crumbled and reality came to light.

“Amorcito, you know there’s no one else out there for me,” Ray whispered into my ear, causing me to shiver. “It’s only been you.”

“And those girls that you killed, what about them? What were they to you?” I knew bringing them up probably wasn’t a good idea, but right now, me and good ideas rarely saw eye to eye. Bad ideas were more my thing. We were tight.

Ray set his head behind mine, resting it on the same pillow. “They weren’t you,” he finally said.

Me and the man behind me had a tumultuous history. We dated for years, broke up a bunch of times during it, until that last time, when he’d taken me to his murder cabin and tried to get me to join him. He…he might’ve succeeded, because I was too shocked to fight him before stabbing that girl. That girl wasn’t his kill; she was mine.

I was a killer, just like Ray. Ray and Ash, together again, a match made in hell that even heaven itself feared.

And to think, I only met him because I chose to tag along with Kelsey to some bar out of town. Someplace where they didn’t check IDs, a place where our parents would never find us. Kelsey dragged me into a lot of trouble, and I hated to think it, but it was her fault entirely that I met Ray.

“When I first met you in that bar, did you plan on killing me?” Another question I probably shouldn’t ask, but why stop now? Let’s see what truths I could pry from Ray while I was sane enough to ask. I didn’t think I had much sanity left, frankly.

Ray’s chest hummed behind me, and I knew that was my answer. Yes, he debated on it. Yes, he thought about making me a victim, but instead, somehow, we ended up pressed against the hood of his car, making out and dry humping each other until Kelsey found me and said it was time for us to go. It was after midnight, past our curfew. She was too drunk to drive, so I, being the fifteen-year-old friend, the youngest one of the pair, had to white-knuckle it back to her house.

At the time, I thought that was that. I’d made out with a stranger, a real man, and I thought about him a lot the next few days. Kelsey asked if I got his number, to which I said no, because I hadn’t. I honestly thought, at the time, I’d never see him again.

But I did. Because he found me. Turned out, he’d followed us to Kelsey’s house, and then the next morning followed me to the apartment Mom and I rented. He stalked me until he knew everything about me, what high school I went to, my routine, when I went to bed. One day after school I saw him waiting in the corner in the parking lot, and I knew, deep within my gut, that he was there for me.

Sweet, I’d thought. It was sweet that he’d found me. Stupid me never saw the warning signs, the flashing red lights screaming danger, danger. Stupid, idiotic me was all too happy to see him again, to make plans with him…and to eventually date him.

A fucking idiot. It’s what I was then, and still was now. That hadn’t changed, even though I pretended, with my pink-tipped hair and my tough-as-nails attitude. I thought the feud between Sawyer and Declan would be a nice distraction for a while, and then…then things got complicated. Then feelings became real and I lost myself in them, just as I lost myself in my feelings for Ray.

Did I still love Ray? A part of me always would, because I’d been with him for years. He was my first love, my longest love, and even though it was full of death and blood, it was hard to hate our relationship, as illegal as it was.

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