Page 23 of Psycho

It would change me, surely.

When love was in the picture, nothing was impossible. Sounded like some kind of sappy Disney shit, which totally didn’t belong in my life, but here I was, thinking it anyway. For Declan, for Travis, for Will, for that messed-up prick in the bedroom across the hall, I could change. I could be better. I could do better.

I weaved my fingers through his hair, bringing his mouth back to mine, kissing him harder, fiercer, trying to tell him that he didn’t have to beg me not to change. He didn’t have to worry about me. I would change for him, I would be better for him, and even if what Ray said was right, even if Declan had hurt himself, I wouldn’t run. I would be there for him, through it all.

It’s what lovers did.

His hips ground down on me, digging his hard-on against the athletic shorts I wore. I remembered what we did in the dorm room, how I rubbed my slick folds against him until he came. I wanted to do that again, only more. So much more my core ached with a burning need to feel him not outside, but inside. In me.

Did it make me a slut? A skank? Did it make me no better than Sawyer? I didn’t know, and frankly, at this point, I didn’t really care. I was done trying to be normal. This, whatever my life was, was a beautiful, twisted mess, and even if we went down in flames, I was going to enjoy the ride.

Or, you know, I planned on it, but before any clothes could come off, Travis appeared in the hall, pushing open the door fully. “Your very late dinner is ready,” he muttered, his eyes taking in our positions.

Declan withdrew his lips from mine, turning his head to look at Travis. If Declan was capable of a death glare, he gave it to him in that moment. Interrupting our intimacy, I couldn’t blame Declan for being annoyed at him. It was the most inopportune time for Travis to make his appearance.

“You know, unless you want to finish what you’re doing first, in which case I guess you could always heat it up,” Travis went on, his mouth pursing. He held onto the door frame, and I saw his nails picking at the wood. He didn’t exactly like seeing Declan and I together, but then again, Travis was very domineering when it came to me. If he could have his way, I knew he’d have me all to himself. This…whatever the hell it was, wasn’t his first choice.

It wasn’t any of their first choices, really. No one but mine.

No, this thing wouldn’t be like the relationship that girl, Elle, had with her three boyfriends. If this was going to last, they would merely tolerate each other for me.

Even though Declan sported an erection that everyone was aware of, he sluggishly rolled off of me and tossed me a knowing look. “You should eat.”

Blah, blah, my well-being, blah, blah. It was nice these guys wanted to take care of me, but I wasn’t a child. I could tell them when I was hungry and when I wasn’t. I didn’t have to eat—

My stomach chose that precise moment to gurgle, and I felt slightly nauseous from the lack of food.

All right. Fine. The guys won this round, but I reserved the right to deny them in the future.

I rolled off the bed, feeling the aching need for Declan slowly subsiding inside me as I went down the stairs. Pasta and pasta sauce, nothing special, but still, it was better than nothing. I slid into the kitchen chair in front of the full plate, grabbed the fork that rested beside it, and dug in, not saying a word to either of the guys, who’d both followed me down.

Travis glanced at Declan’s crotch. “Come on, man.”

Declan must’ve resisted the urge to roll his eyes, for he only turned, giving us his back as he worked to adjust himself. While he was doing that, Travis scooted into the chair beside me, eyeing me up. Not suspiciously, but almost like he couldn’t quite figure out why I cared about Declan so much.

To that I’d say, I didn’t know. I didn’t know why I cared about any of these guys so much. I fell into their mess and stole a part of them unknowingly. And Will, God, Will had been a surprise, and he’d been strong even when Declan wasn’t. I was a mess, and this…this was all my mess now.

But, you know what? At least the pasta was good.

“You’re a good cook,” I spoke with a mouth full of half-chewed pasta. Manners? Yeah, I had some, somewhere. They were nowhere to be seen right now, though.

“Don’t tell him that,” Declan said, sitting on the chair on my other side. I was sandwiched between the two, and I felt oddly comfortable. “He might try to poison you next—”

Travis scoffed. “Poisoning is a woman’s method. When men kill, they’re usually more straightforward.” He spoke like he had some knowledge of the subject, which caused both Declan and I to stare at him in shock.

Maybe…maybe Travis would be able to handle Ray.

Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

Both Declan and Travis watched me eat, and I made it through about half the plate when I knew I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I slowly set the fork down, glancing at each of them before whispering, “There is something else I have to tell you.”

Travis’s expression gave nothing away; Declan’s, however, was curious.

“I…” Holy hell, I never imagined this would feel like pulling teeth. At least, it’s what I imagined pulling teeth was like, seeing as how I’d never actually pulled any teeth myself. As for my own teeth, they were perfectly intact. I should just spit it out, get it over with, quit dragging this out. “I slept with Ray.”

Travis frowned immediately, and I watched his knuckles tighten, his fingers curling into fists, even though he tried to hide them. His back straightened, and his expression was instantly murderous. Not towards me, but towards Ray himself. Travis could apparently stomach me with Declan, but me with Ray? That was too far, too much.

I couldn’t blame him there, because it was wrong. I shouldn’t have let my weakness control me like that. In a word, I was stupid.

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