Page 49 of Spite

I reached for my pillow, hiding my face behind it. It was two in the morning, so I had some hours left to sleep away, but I had the feeling that sleep would take a long while to come after that dream. It was…so vivid. Lifelike, miraculous changes of nature aside. God, even now, I could still feel the remnants of his dick inside of me.

Which was insane. Because it was a freaking dream. His dick hadn’t been anywhere near me.

More like a ghost dick, I guess. A what-if dick.

I was so disappointed in myself, it wasn’t funny. It was sad, inexcusable, and downright pathetic. So clichéd, too. Falling for my bully. Didn’t my mind have any self-respect? Then again, I was basically dating Xander and Alec now, so I supposed my self-respect was long gone at this point, never to return again. Honestly, I wasn’t sure when it left, when I last saw it. It probably had been missing for a while now.

A little late, but bye-bye, self-respect. I’ll miss you.

Since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to get up and do homework instead. Yeah, I was having a regular party here. Fun stuff. But better use the time, right? Plus, it got my mind off of the dream and my self-loathing, at least for a while.

I can’t believe I dreamt that.

“Dude,” a light, feminine voice entered my ear, jerking me awake. “Tell me you didn’t fall asleep at your desk. How is that even comfortable?” The girl was shocked, as she should be, as I would be, if I walked into someone’s bedroom and found them hunched over and asleep, drooling all over her economics notebook.

Georgia. Georgia was here, because today we were going dress shopping at some faraway mall. Right. Had to get up, shower, get ready to go before Alec got here, since he was our ride. I tried to get Xander to go, but he kept shooting me down last night.

I sat up, wiping the corner of my mouth, moaning when I straightened my back. It ached, and not because of the sex I’d had the day before.

Sex. Sex was not something I should be thinking about, not while that dream was still so fresh.

“I, uh, I must’ve fallen asleep,” I said, turning to her as I yawned.

“Yeah, I’ll say,” Georgia spoke as she crossed her arms. “Good to know you don’t wake up looking perfect. You look just as shitty as the rest of us lowly commoners.” I knew she was joking, but still. I worked hard on my appearance every morning before school. I was slightly insulted.

“Hey, that’s not nice. I wouldn’t barge into your bedroom and insult your bedhead—” I glanced at the desk before me, changing my words, “Or deskhead. You get my point.” I got up, moving to my closet to pick out an outfit before shuffling to the bathroom.

Today was going to be fun, but it was also going to be a long day.

Once I was ready, Georgia and I headed downstairs. Dad and Diane were in the kitchen, sitting at the table, drinking coffee. I was surprised to see Diane up; usually she slept in. “Either of you want any breakfast?” my dad asked. He hadn’t showered, so his brown hair was flat on his head after a night’s rest.

Georgia shook her head. “I’m good, thanks.”

“No,” I said. “Alec should be here soon to pick us up anyway.”

“Alec,” my dad echoed. “Why does that name sound familiar?” Uh, probably because I’d mentioned him before, years ago. Probably because he used to help Christian torment me, but now the tables had turned, and he was mine, not Christian’s.

My dad didn’t need to know that, though.

“Don’t worry,” I told him, “he’s just a boy from school.”

Diane gave my dad a look I couldn’t decipher. “That’s how they all start out,” she warned, as if she knew. As if she had previous experience with it. I was pretty sure she didn’t; she just liked being in the middle of things, acting like she was my mom.

She’d never be my mom.

With my wallet in my back pocket and my phone in the other, Georgia and I headed onto the front porch, sitting on the bottom step as we waited for Alec. I’d had Alec swing by the ATM yesterday, and I pulled out some cash. I felt bad using some of the money my mom had left me for a dress for a dance, but I had to look good. No—not just good. Drop-dead gorgeous. I had to make everyone envious of me. I would be the center of attention, the center of Christian’s world, at least until I made a fool of him in front of the whole school. I’d already started on the video. I knew it was something that would take time, since I wasn’t a techie.

I glanced behind us, at the door and the windows, checking to make sure they were all closed. What I was about to tell Georgia, I did not want my dad or Diane knowing. The last thing I needed right now was a talk about sex. I was eighteen; I’d known about the birds and the bees for a while.

“I had sex with Alec and Xander yesterday,” I whispered, once I was sure no one inside the house would overhear.

“What?” Georgia practically squealed, but then she remembered to lower her voice to not attract the attention of the adults in the house. “How—when—why?” So eloquent and full of questions.

I chuckled. “Do you really want all the details?” I couldn’t believe I was telling Georgia before Leah, but for some reason, I didn’t want Leah to know unless I was sure they were mine. On my side. A part of me still wondered if they were playing me as I played them.

I’d tell Leah—but only when I knew, without a doubt, that they’d stick by my side.

“Maybe not,” Georgia admitted. “Was it a one time thing, or…”

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