Page 34 of Spite

Chapter Fourteen

As I got ready, I called Leah and gave her all the updates. I had the radio on and my bedroom door closed, so no snooping Diane would hear. The woman wanted to have a quick dinner together before I left. I had no idea why she wanted to spend time with me so badly; I wasn’t ever going to love her like I loved my mom. Diane would never replace her.

“Sounds like you’re growing soft for Alec and Xander,” Leah said. I imagined her sitting cross-legged on her bed, like she always used to do when we were gossiping. “Though if they’re really as genuine as you’re making them out to be, I don’t blame you. Christian is the head of the Dick Squad. Maybe you should get the others to help you.”

It was an interesting idea. I liked it better than making them fall in love with me and then breaking their hearts. After seeing what Xander had done to himself…I wasn’t sure if I was still down with it. But getting them on my side? Amassing my own Dick Squad to take down the Dick Supreme? That could be fun. Completely turn the tables on Christian.

“Maybe,” I said. “Let’s see how tonight goes.”

“Operation Breakup is a go,” Leah chuckled. “Ooh, I wish I was there. I wish I could watch. You should videotape it. Who knows? Might be useful later on.” She was right there. You never knew when humiliation might come in handy.

I said my goodbyes to Leah as I finished getting ready. Primping my hair, my makeup, getting a sexy outfit on. I looked smoking, I had to admit. Hell, I thought I looked older than a high schooler. Definitely could pass for a college chick.

As I tugged down my shirt, revealing a bit of my boob crack, I met my own eyes in the mirror. I looked…I looked like my mom, back in her heyday. Bright, vibrant blue eyes. Luscious, long brown hair. Full lips that were just as likely to insult you as they were to compliment you. Some kids would freak out if they thought they looked like one of their parents, but it just made me sad.

I missed her. I missed her so much.

I stood, staring at the people. Rows and rows of people, nestled in the wooden pews, all wearing their finest. Well, their darkest finest. Blacks and greys. Nothing colorful, and definitely nothing white. My eyes roamed across them, taking in their faces. I spotted Leah and her family, sitting towards the front, mainly there for me. Our dentist, my mom’s boss, dozens of other people I knew only in passing.

I felt like I wore too much makeup, that my dress was too short, the jacket I’d chosen to go over it too baggy and long. I felt out of place.

I shouldn’t be here. This wasn’t where I was supposed to be. None of us should be here. We should all be off in our normal, daily lives, doing whatever it was we did, day in and day out. Living, breathing, laughing.

Mom would never do any of that again.

Behind me, the priest sat in his decorated seat. I never was one for religion, but Mom was Catholic. Granted, she hadn’t gone to an actual mass in years, but that was beside the point. Religion, I think, was just something people picked up when they needed it. It was always there, ready to be a comfort. To me, though, it was different.

Comfort? I didn’t find comfort in religion. I was the kind of person who would ask why God, if he existed, would let someone like my mom die. Yes, she’d made mistakes, but hadn’t we all? Didn’t we all do things we weren’t proud of? Life was about moving on and overcoming those mistakes.

In the back of the church, I spotted my dad and his wife, Diane. After doing what we had to do at the house, I’d be going home with them, back to River High and the classmates I’d left so long ago. It felt like another lifetime. I was a different person back then; no one would recognize me. That was the point.

I fought the water from rising in my eyes when I realized Mom wouldn’t be there to see it. My triumphant return to River High, facing down the bullies who’d made my life a living hell during elementary and junior high. I wished she would. I swore an oath to myself then, before I began reading the scripture at my mom’s funeral.

I would make her proud.

As I stood there, staring in the mirror at my own reflection, I honestly had no clue whether or not Mom would be proud of me. My revenge scheme, my plot to make the boys fall for me and then break their hearts—if anything, she’d probably be disappointed in me. I…didn’t really want to think about it. Not tonight, not when tonight was so important.

I shook myself out of my funk and headed downstairs, finding Diane in the kitchen. She spun on her heels, her yellow hair pulled back in a messy bun. “Are you sure you can’t eat a little something before you go?” God, she was eager to spend time with me.

Yuck.

“I’m sure.” As I said it, I spotted a car pulling into the driveway. “My ride’s here anyways.”

Diane’s lips frowned somewhat, but she hid the frown with a smile. “All right. Have fun! I’m glad you’re getting out.”

I didn’t answer her as I left, heading towards Alec’s car. He had the windows down, his brown hair tousled by the wind. A grin was plastered to his face as he watched me get in. “What? You’re not wearing school colors?” He, I noticed, wore the school’s hideous colors of orange and brown.

“Why would I want to look like a cornucopia?” I asked, buckling my seatbelt.

Alec backed out of the driveway. “I prefer warm, autumn-y colors.”

“You look like a nut that’s been painted orange,” I remarked. He wore an undershirt that was brown, long-sleeved, beneath an orange and brown shirt that had in big, bold letters River High. At least he didn’t really paint anything.

“And you look…” No doubt he was about to shoot some smart comment back to me, but when his eyes flicked at me, taking in my outfit, the lower cut of my shirt, Alec stopped himself. “You look good. But you always look good. Can’t you look shitty for once to make me feel better about myself?” He grinned.

“If you’re nice to me, maybe I’ll stroke your ego later.”

His eyebrows rose at that. “Nice Alec it is.”

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