Page 32 of Spite

My eyes fell to his hands, which had suddenly made their way above my lap. He pulled up his sleeves, and it was then I realized I had never seen his bare arms at school. Just like me, he’d always worn long sleeves, never rolled up. But surely he couldn’t mean…

His wrists were like macabre paintings full of thin, white lines. They were thinner and smaller than mine, but much more numerous. If I had to guess, I’d say they were done with a thin blade, like the blade to a box cutter. Not from a kitchen knife, like mine were. I was so shocked, so stunned that I could say nothing.

“When my parents found out, they freaked. They homeschooled me for a year and made me go to therapy. When I went back to River High in ninth grade, Christian wouldn’t talk to me. It was like I had ceased to exist. Maybe I reminded him of you, and he couldn’t handle it. I don’t know.”

“You haven’t…” God, how could I ask if he’d done it lately without sounding far too inquisitive? He shouldn’t be sharing this with me anyway. This was deeply personal shit, shit I was not well-equipped to handle. I had my own problems.

“No, I haven’t cut myself recently,” Xander muttered, pulling his arms back and tugging down the sleeves. “I thought it would be hard being around you. I thought Christian had the right idea, trying to ignore you, but I can’t do it. I can’t pretend you don’t exist.”

Christian glaring at me and threatening me was pretending I don’t exist? Huh. Good to know. “I wouldn’t want you to,” I spoke softly. Honestly, one Christian around here was bad enough.

“I’m not like Christian. Not anymore. I can’t be an asshole anymore. He might be able to treat others like shit and get away with it, but I can’t do it. I couldn’t…” Xander turned toward me, his expression heavy. “I couldn’t hurt you again, Elle.”

“Then don’t,” I said simply, as if it was all so simple. God, everything was so messed up, wasn’t it? This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Xander, Alec—they weren’t supposed to be real people. I wasn’t supposed to see them like this.

I found myself leaning toward him, lifting a hand and running it down the side of his face. This time, Xander didn’t pull away. This time, he was the one who leaned his head closer to mine, pressed his lips against mine softly, hesitantly, as if he was afraid.

He was right to be, of course. He should be afraid. I wasn’t here to date him. To love him. I was here to dig up dirt and use it to break him—but what if he decided to cut himself again? It would be my fault, one hundred percent. Could I live with that? I wasn’t sure. It seemed quite a heavy load, considering all the other shit I had to carry already.

His lip ring brushed against my mouth, and I shivered, pushing on him, laying him down on the bed beneath me. I moved on top of him, keeping my mouth fastened to his. I paid no attention to the world around us, completely forgetting the phone in my backpack, totally forgetting the reason I was here. All I could think about was Xander and his lips, the way his brown eyes sparkled in the sun, how melodic his laugh sounded.

Xander’s hands roamed across my back, settling on my ass. His grip was not hard, nor was it confident. Had he ever let someone in? Had he ever dated anyone? Was this his first kiss? Or, technically, the kiss before would’ve been his first, not this one. It would make sense, given how much better this one was. The boy was actually kissing me back.

A fire ignited in my lower gut, and I resisted my urge to do more than kiss him. His lips parted somewhat, and I ran my tongue over his lower lip before exploring his mouth. Xander moaned into the kiss, and since I was on top of him, I felt something hard stirring beneath me.

Oh, fuck it.

I broke our lip lock, pulling away, watching as he stared at me running my hands down his chest over his shirt. Beneath my touch, I could feel his skin trembling. He was nervous. I don’t know why the notion made me smile, but it did. I smiled at him as my hands made their way to the buttons on his jeans.

“Elle,” Xander whispered my name, his voice lower than it had ever been before. “You don’t—”

“Don’t have to?” Of course I knew that. “But if I want to?”

He leaned his head back on his pillow, resigned. I was certain he’d be happy enough in a few minutes. My fingers expertly undid the button on his pants, and I tugged them down just enough to get to his boxers. They were black too, go figure. Within a moment, I had his erection freed, standing tall and ready.

I brought my mouth to the tip, locking eyes with him as I swirled my tongue around it. The instant my warm tongue met with the tender, sensitive skin, Xander let out the most sensual moan I think I’d ever heard. I rather enjoyed the sound. Maybe I could get him to make more noises like that.

Not waiting a second longer, I took him in. Slow, at first. I had to get used to the feeling of his dick in my mouth. It didn’t take long, and soon enough I was bobbing along his length, sucking him off like I was his girlfriend or something. I wasn’t—and I never would be—but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to do this.

Xander let out a flurry of moans, his eyes snapping shut as he relished in the sensation. I kept at it, and in a minute, his hips began to gyrate below me, like he was fucking my mouth. I knew it wouldn’t be long now.

“I’m about to…” Xander couldn’t even get the words out, but he did let out an earth-shattering moan as his dick throbbed in my mouth, shooting his load right down my throat. Not the best thing I’d ever tasted, but not exactly the worst, either. I think I took it like a champ.

When he was finished, I withdrew my head from his pelvic area, feeling the need to go brush my teeth. But I wasn’t at my house, so there were no toothbrushes around that I could use, even if just for the moment.

I was going to say something about having to go to the bathroom, to at least rinse out my mouth with some water, but Xander reached for me, grabbing my arm and tugging me back up to him. Our mouths crashed together, hungry, desperate, wanting. It was something I wasn’t expecting, because most guys were weird when it came to tasting their own cum, but he clearly didn’t care.

We lost track of time as we lay there on his bed, making out. I knew other things would happen if I stayed, and that was why I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when we heard the front door open and slam shut.

Xander hurriedly tucked himself away and buttoned his pants, rolling off his bed as someone began walking up the stairs. “My sister,” he whispered, checking me as I got off the bed and stretched. I wasn’t the one who was just given a blow job, so my clothes needed no fixing.

A girl who mustn’t have been older than ten moved in front of his door, glaring in. She wore a frilly skirt, pigtails in her hair. Everything pink, the very opposite of Xander. “You’re not supposed to have girls in your room when Mom and Dad aren’t home.”

“I know,” Xander said, moving to her. “I won’t tell them if you won’t?” Didn’t sound too confident.

I moved to my backpack, turning off the phone and unzipping my special pocket. The one full of candy. I pulled out a cherry sucker, kneeling before her as I offered it to her. “For your silence,” I spoke with a grin.

She eyed me up, then she glanced at the sucker. In the end, the candy won out, and as she walked to her room across the hall, I heard her fiddling with the wrapper.

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