“Yeah, I guess,” Alec muttered, groaning. “I was a douche, just like Christian.”
It was hardly in the same vein of crimes, though. Gay and bisexual people, adults and kids alike, were afraid to come out to people they knew, let alone to an entire school. I could understand where he was coming from, even if he hadn’t handled it well.
When I was silent, he added, “If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I get it. Just tell me now, so I don’t show up at your locker and make a fool of myself—even if I deserve it—” His fumbling words halted the moment I unclicked my seatbelt and turned on the seat to face him.
“You think I’d stop talking to you over this? You’re…you’re stupid.” Okay, might not have been the best thing to call him, but I was at a loss for words here. So caught off-guard I could think of nothing else to call him but stupid. Because that’s what he was.
I wasn’t some middle-aged white man driving around with the Confederate flag attached to the bed of my truck. I wasn’t some rich old man on Wall Street. I was a member of the motherfucking Generation Z, and I couldn’t care less who anyone slept with, as long as it was consensual and not in the realm of pedophilia.
Alec opened his mouth, probably to retort, to say he wasn’t stupid, but I beat him to the punch: “Okay, you’re not stupid. You’re just…” I let out an annoyed sound. “I can’t think of what you are, but you should know that it’ll take a lot more than that to scare me off. So what if you like the occasional dick? Don’t we all?”
Oh, dear lord. I should stop speaking right this instant. I was only making it worse. Much worse.
“You’re really not upset?” Alec asked. “Or weirded out? I just thought…” His shoulders went up and down once. “I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”
I smiled at him. “You won’t get rid of me that easily.”
A tiny grin formed on his mouth as he reached over to me, taking one of my hands in his. “I don’t want to get rid of you,” he whispered, leaning over the dash, seeking to place his lips on mine, and I let him. Hesitant, wary, almost like he expected me to pull back in disgust.
Why? All because these lips had touched Xander’s? Well, news flash: mine did, too. Only…he didn’t know that.
When the kiss ended, I felt guilty, like I should tell him. So I did, only in the most roundabout way possible. “Three kisses in one day. That’s a lot, even for me.” Of course, I meant three kisses from three different people, but it was too late to go back and say it now.
“Three?” Alec echoed, sounding stunned. “Three? Who—”
“I may have kissed Xander earlier, not that it’s any of your business,” I said. I also gave Xander a blow job, but again, not his business. That was a detail I’d keep to myself. “Xander, Christian, you—I’m really just making the rounds.” My joke fell flat, mostly because Alec was still caught up on the Xander part.
Was he jealous that Xander kissed me, or that I kissed Xander?
Alec pursed his lips. “When do you see Xander?”
“I have photography with him. You know, when you and all the other seniors get to leave early? Me and him, we’re stuck taking pictures.” I wasn’t going to tell him I’d gone over to Xander’s house and that’s where I kissed him; I’d let Alec use his imagination…and since he and Xander used to date, I was sure his imagination would work just fine.
“Do you like him?”
Boy, wasn’t Alec just full of questions. I shrugged. “And if I do? If I say I like the both of you?” I posed the question, not certain how I wanted him to answer. It wasn’t like I wanted him to be okay with me spending time with Xander, with me kissing Xander, but…
No, actually, that’s exactly what I wanted.
“I…I don’t know. I never thought…” Alec sighed. “I didn’t think we’d get this far. I thought you’d run.”
Oh, I wanted to run. Not from Alec, though.
I wanted to run, quickly do what I had to do to Christian to embarrass him in front of the whole school, and then I wanted to be done with it. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I didn’t want to lose Alec after this. Or Xander.
Was it wrong that I wanted to keep them both, even after all of this was said and done?