Page 24 of Spite

Chapter Ten

The diner’s bright lights were almost blinding above me. Alec and I sat across from each other in a booth whose red leather was worn and cracking. When he’d pulled up to the parking lot, I’d cracked the joke this doesn’t look like my house, which made him laugh. He wanted to spend more time with me, apparently. Maybe he thought he’d get lucky again.

Maybe he would.

It was late, though not too late where the night owls were concerned. The party was still going at Jessie’s house, and Alec got quite a few calls from Christian, who he promptly ignored. Even stopping at this diner, I’d still be home earlier than I thought I would be.

Alec ran a hand through his brown hair, which was now mostly dry. He’d changed out of his swimming trunks in the diner’s restroom, now wearing jeans. Still in his damp shirt, but either way, he looked good. Too good. So good, it was hard to stare at him and picture doing what I would do to him. Breaking him like he’d helped break me six years ago. Did he have any idea how broken I truly was? Beneath my bracelets and my bangles, I rubbed my wrists, feeling the risen scars.

“I’m sorry about what happened back there,” he said again, not for the first time. “I never thought Christian would do that.” Alec shook his head, distraught over his friend’s actions. How he could call himself a friend of Christian’s was beyond me. Boys were weird.

I tilted my head. The Christian I knew would do that and more. “Maybe you and I view Christian differently. He was never nice to me.”

“I know.” A look of guilt crossed over Alec’s face, and his gaze fell to the table between us. The diner had only a few other customers, and one waitress taking care of all of us. It’d probably be a little while until we got our food, but that was okay. Everyone else was old; no other kids our age. Alec and I could talk it out, and maybe I could get down to the root of what he’d said earlier.

A jealous asshole.

“Still,” Alec went on, “it was out of line. He shouldn’t have done that.”

I leaned my elbows on the table. “Can I ask you something?” He nodded. “Why did you call Christian a jealous asshole?” I was literally drawing a blank, and I never drew blanks. It bothered me more than I would admit. If Alec didn’t explain his choice of words, I’d go nuts.

“Well, I know he was awful to you back then, but…” Alec bit his lower lip, and I found myself drawn to the tiny motion. I wanted to be the one biting that stupid lip. Damned hormones. “After you moved away, he told me kind of liked you.”

My mouth nearly dropped to the damn floor. Kind of liked me? Bullshit. This wasn’t some case of boy-is-mean-to-girl-because-he-secretly-likes-her thing. This was ten million times worse than that. Everything Christian said, everything he did—all of it put together bullied me into trying to commit suicide.

When I was able to speak again, I said simply, “No way.”

“Yeah,” Alec nodded, “he told me and Xander. I didn’t believe it, not until recently. When you came back, and he saw you, when he told me to stay away from you, well, I realized he was telling the truth all those years ago.” His shoulders rose and fell once. “Now, you probably remind him of everything he did. We did.”

Yes, because Alec, as high and mighty as he was now, was just as bad as Christian, if not worse. He might not have said as much to me, might not have tripped me or mocked me as I went by, but he was witness to it all. He’d been there, laughing at everything, not once lifting a finger to try to help me.

“After I heard what happened, I thought about you a lot,” Alec went on, pausing to take a sip of his dark, fizzy pop. “I wandered by your house, hoping to see you. I dreamt of you. I knew what we did was bad, but until I heard that you…until I heard the rumors, I never thought we crossed the line. But we did. We did, El, and I’m so sorry.” He reached across the table, laying a hand atop mine, squeezing softly.

I held his stare. “You three destroyed me.”

“I know.”

“No,” I said, “you don’t know. You can’t know, because you’ll never feel what I felt six years ago. You might’ve changed, but it’s obvious Christian hasn’t.” I puckered my lips as I thought about him, the rage on his face when he’d found Alec and I together. He had no right to control either of us. We were our own people who could make our own damned decisions.

Alec slowly withdrew his hand from mine, setting it in his lap beneath the table. “Did you really come to the party tonight for me, or…” He trailed off, but I knew what he was going to say, for the memory of his car ride that first day was livid in my head.

“Or was I hoping to dig up some shit on Christian?” I finished for him. “I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want some kind of revenge on him, after everything he did to me.” Across from me, Alec’s shoulders slumped and his expression fell. “You were right, that first day back, when you said I was up to something.”

Alec was nodding to himself, probably mentally berating himself for believing I’d ever want to spend time with him. I couldn’t have that.

“But,” I added quickly, my voice earnest, “I would also be a liar if I said I didn’t feel anything toward you. I like you, Alec, even though I shouldn’t.”

My words caused him to snap back into focus. “El,” he pleaded, “I would never do anything to hurt you again.”

“Prove it to me,” I said.

He nodded again, and soon our food came, and we were mainly silent as we ate. A burger and fries, nothing too special. But it was good. Greasy, unhealthy food that Diane would never be caught dead cooking. Heaven on a plate. I would eat food like this every night, if I could. Food like this could be a reason for living.

Alec paid the bill and left a tip, and then we were out of there. Once we were back in the car and on the road, he said, “So, there’s a basketball game Tuesday night.”

I knew the basketball schedule; mostly because the cheerleaders and basketball players wore their uniforms during the school day. As I watched the darkened scenery pass by, I nodded once. Christian would be playing, but how I could ever make a basketball game work for my revenge plot, I wasn’t sure.

“I could come pick you up, if you want. We could go together,” Alec offered, his knuckled practically white on the steering wheel, as if he was nervous. Like I made him nervous. Almost like…well, almost as if he truly liked me and was afraid I’d say no.

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