Page 59 of Breaking Ryan Baylor

“Because I do. We talk, Rook. We open up to each other about shit. She’s pretty much my fuckin’ therapist. Do you guys talk about stuff, the hard stuff? The painful stuff?”

“Not really. Well, like, sometimes.”

“Rook, can I say something?”

“You’re gonna say it anyway, so go ahead.”

“I don’t know what you’re doin’ with her. Like, what’s the goal? You forced her into a relationship when neither of you was ready. Now, a month into it, you’re having fuckin’ threesomes because she’s scared to death you’ll cheat if she doesn’t do it with you. Do you know I held her today as she bawled? Bawled, man. Broke down in my fuckin’ arms because of what happened the other night with that girl. She might’ve cum, but she was not OK with it.” He looked at Ryan, who had tears streaming down his face. “And now look at you. What the actual fuck are you guys doing to each other?”

Ryan wiped his eyes. “I don’t know. I just can’t lose her. I can’t.”

“You’re not gonna lose her. That woman would walk across fire to the ends of the goddamn Earth for your pathetic ass. But she isn’t ready to be your girlfriend. And frankly? You’re not ready to be her boyfriend. She deserves a little better than you. Sorry.”

“And you saying all this has nothing to do with what just happened?”

“Fuck no. You think I wanna date her? You out of your mind? Amara and I would kill each other. We’re friends, I guess now with benefits. But that’s it. I could fuck her a million times and it wouldn’t change a damn thing because Amara and I understand each other. I don’t feel like you guys understand each other at all, and honestly, I don’t know if it’s your fault or hers.”

“So fine, let’s say we stay friends. What happens when she finds someone else? How do I deal with that?”

“What happens when you find someone else, Rook? You think you guys are gonna last? She’s almost your fuckin’ mom’s age, bro.”

“I love her,” he said softly. “She’s the first and only woman I ever felt this way about.”

“You probably always will. And that’s fine. But she’ll always be the one that got away because it’s just not gonna last. You have to know that. And it’s no one’s fault. Just shitty timing is all. You guys can be friends, but you gotta form an actual friendship with her first. You guys jumped into this shit way too fuckin’ fast. You fucked her one time and, boom! You were dating. You know I’m gonna tell you like it is. This is how it is.”

“God, Hayes,” Ryan said. “I wanna hate you so bad, but I don’t. Not even close.”

A few moments of silence passed. “So, what else did we need to talk about? You said we had a bunch of shit to say to each other.”

“Well,” Ryan sighed. “I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud, but…I really liked kissing you, and I have no fucking idea what to do about it. So, there’s that.”

“Yeah, well. Guess what? I really liked kissin’ you, too. But why does somethin’ have to be done about it? You’re always trying to put everything neatly into a fuckin’ box. Why is that?”

“My anxiety. It doesn’t really like when things are messy.”

“Life is messy, Rook. You can’t plan everything out. You’ll drive yourself crazy. Learn to just let things be what they are, man.”

“So, like, back to us. How do I just let that be?”

“Again: just let things be what they are. There is no ‘us.’ We had a threesome, we were drunk and horny as fuck, and we made out a little. You’re not gonna sit there and try to tell me you’ve never hooked up with other guys before, are you?”

“No, I have.”

“And did you fall deeply in love with any of them?”

“No.”

“There you go. We kissed, and it felt good. I‘m not tryin’ to date you. We end up drunk and horny in a hotel room on the road? I don’t know, maybe I’ll suck your dick. Rook, your problem is you overthink shit to the point of exhaustion. You stress yourself out. You gotta stop that shit.”

Ryan looked at Hayes and was in absolute awe of him. “You’re probably one of the smartest fucking people I’ve ever met, you know that?”

“Fuckin’ right I am.”

“Where’d all this infinite wisdom come from at 20 years old?”

He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “Been through my fair share of shit, Rook. I just see things clearly for what they are.”

“It’s a gift.”

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