Page 39 of Breaking Ryan Baylor

“Got it.”

“Great. So, you didn’t fuck someone else for a whole three weeks. But it was a struggle. With this? It doesn’t have to be.”

“Amara, two of my strongest personality traits are jealous and anxious. You know that. Like, if you’re off with other guys, there’s no question I’m gonna lose my fucking mind.”

“It’s not a free-for-all. We have to establish ground rules. Boundaries. Certain acts might be off-limits, or we have to clear it with the other person before going for it, or maybe we do threesomes or group stuff instead of going off one-on-one.”

“You into girls?”

“I can be. I’m into experimenting with you if that’s what it takes.”

He ran his hands through his hair. “You’re blowing my mind right now.”

“And apparently you’re into guys, so it could work.”

“I’m not..." He paused, shaking his head. "I mean, I'm not into guys. Willing to experiment is a better way to put it.”

“Same difference. Think about it, OK? Anyway, you should head back to your room. I wanna sleep alone tonight.”

He walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her upper back, and squeezed. “I’m sorry I’m so broken. I don’t know why, but you need to know that the way I feel about you isn’t bullshit. I meant every word of everything I said to you. Amara,” his voice cracked, “I’d take a fucking bullet for you. I’m not real good at sorting out my feelings, but I know I still want this. Whatever we decide to do, whatever happens, you’re my number one and that’s not ever going to change. Ever. I just…needed you to hear that.”

“The only reason I’m even suggesting this is because it’s this or I lose you. And Ryan, losing you isn’t an option."

???

You’d have thought Ryan Baylor was cramming for the most important final exam of his life. He’d stayed up into the wee hours of the morning researching ‘open relationships’ and came to the kitchen for coffee in the morning as prepared as he’d ever been for anything.

Amara walked in, stretching her arms over her head, as he sat at the counter glancing at his phone and scribbling something in a notebook. “Hey,” she yawned, grabbing a mug out of the cabinet. “Are you…are you taking notes?”

“So, I haven’t really slept that much, but I thought about what you said last night. I’ve been doing a ton of reading, and I think I have some ideas.”

“Wow. Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. Look: I’m not gonna fuck this up, too. But if this is how you wanna move forward, we have to be on the same page with some things.”

She sat down across from him and took a sip. “OK, fine. This should be interesting. Let’s hear it.”

“So first,” he started, looking back through his notes, “it’s important that we’re upfront and honest with whoever we decide to, you know. They have to know what they’re getting into. And I think for us, threesomes, or like, group stuff might be the way to go.”

“Oh, do you, now?” she smiled. “And why’s that?”

“Because Amara, the thought of you getting off on another guy without me makes me wanna kill myself. And I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting off on another girl without you. At least if I’m there and I see it, that might cut down on some of the jealousy for me. It’s gonna be really weird, but I don’t know, I’m trying to keep an open mind here. Like, it might suck, but maybe…it might be kinda hot, too.”

“Agreed. So, what else?”

“Both of us need to agree on the person. If one of us is uncomfortable, for any reason, it doesn’t happen.” He turned back a page in his notebook. “Another thing: if either of us catches feelings for someone else, that needs to be brought to the other one’s attention immediately. Don’t hide it. This would obviously apply mostly to you since I can’t see myself ever catching feelings for anyone but you, like, ever.”

“That’ll change.”

“No, it won’t. Oh, and so before we get into any situation, we pull each other aside and set some quick ground rules. If there are certain things we don’t want the other one doing with a certain person, that needs to be laid out very clearly before anything goes down.”

“Wow, you’ve really put a lot of thought into this. Impressive.”

“Check out my Instagram follows when you get a chance. Down to under 350, thank you very much.”

“Weeded through the ‘spank bank’ follows, did you?”

“Yep. I’m not making excuses, but most of them were left over from juniors and college. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I followed some random girl. It definitely hasn’t been since we met. But I still deleted them all. All of them. Gone.”

---