Page 20 of Breaking Ryan Baylor

“Seriously, you need to check your personal shit at the door. This is a team, and I need you to act like you wanna be a part of it. I love you to death, kid, but don’t fuck this up.” Rizz got up and reached out to shake his hand. “Bus leaves at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow. Go home and get your head right.”

Get my head right? Ok, Ryan thought, fully aware that there was nothing even remotely right about his head.

Finally (9)

“So, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now. Do I ignore him, do I call the cops?” Amara was venting to Ryan about a customer at the bar who wouldn’t leave her alone tonight. “Hello?” She waved her hand in front of Ryan’s face, and he snapped back to it.

“Sorry. I zoned out. Listen, it happens again, you call me. Me and the boys will come down there and handle it. But don’t walk home by yourself again. That was stupid.”

“I know. I should’ve called you.”

He was already dreading tomorrow’s road trip to Lehigh Valley. It was three hours away, but since they had a home game the following night, they weren’t staying over, so he’d be getting home super late. He hadn’t been away from her since they met, and it was not something he wanted to do, especially not right now.

“Ok. What’s the plan for tonight? It’s been a while. Next episode of Stranger Things? Start a movie? What are you in the mood for?” She’d just showered, and the smell of her freshly washed wet hair permeated the air; it was driving him insane. She sat on the couch next to him in shorts that had no business being so short and one of his college hoodies. She was sans makeup, and her smooth, bare legs, like always, rested across his lap.

What he was in the mood for was her, and he knew that if he didn’t do something about it soon, he’d be on the verge of another mental break.

He sighed. “I don’t know. The bus leaves at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, and it’s already after 10. I probably shouldn’t stay up too late. And I still have to pack. This sucks.” He placed a slightly trembling hand on her thigh and decided that, despite all his reservations, now was as good a time as any to make his move. “We haven’t played that game where we share some random thing about ourselves in a while.”

“Oh, you’re right. We’ve been slacking. You wanna go first? I gotta think of something good.”

“Um…yeah, I’ll go. I kinda have something in mind.”

“No more pants-shitting stories though, OK? That night was just ridiculous. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life.”

“Got it.” He took a deep breath. “OK. Nice to meet you, Amara.” He pushed her legs off his lap, forcing her to sit up next to him. He moved in close to her. “So, I’ve kinda got a problem.” He stopped.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, concerned. “You OK?”

“Yeah, I’m good. It’s just that,” he spoke slowly, “I literally cannot stop thinking about you. From the minute I wake up until my head hits the pillow, you and hockey are the only things on my mind.”

“Ryan?”

“And I don’t know how to say this, because this hardly ever happens to me, but I think I really like you. I like how close we’ve gotten, and I can’t stop thinking about us. And I don’t know what that means or what I should even do about it. I feel like maybe you feel it, too.” He palmed his forehead, frustrated. “Oh my God, I suck at this shit. All I know is that I don’t wanna just be your friend, Amara. It’s not enough for me anymore.”

She backed away from him cautiously, sat up straight, and leaned forward onto her lap. She was silent for a while.

“Can you please say something?” he pleaded.

“This isn’t how this game is supposed to go, Ryan.”

“Wow, Ryan Baylor fucked something up. That never happens. Anyway, it's your turn. Tell me something. Anything. Tell me to fuck off if you want. I’m used to that. But for God’s sake, say something.”

She looked at him. “OK, fine. Nice to meet you, Ryan,” she finally said, grabbing one of his hands; she could feel him shaking. “You’re the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen, and I constantly have to stop myself from telling you that. I know I’ve been distant lately. And if I’m being honest, I’ve been trying to keep away from you, as hard as it’s been. You’re just…Ryan, you’re way too young for me. There’s no workaround. And we both know that realistically, there is no possible scenario where this ever works out…”

“I don’t know that,” he interrupted. “You don’t know that, either.”

“Stop. We both know that.”

“You don’t know that, Amara.”

“This isn’t a fucking romance novel, Ryan. No matter what we do, the only possible way anything between me and you ends is in heartbreak, and I can’t handle another one.”

“I won’t break your heart.”

“Please, Ryan. You don’t even know how to be in a relationship.”

He shrugged. “You’re right. But I know I won’t break your heart.”

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