Page 13 of Vengeance is Mine

‘What did Nan and Grandad make of all this?’ I asked, after the lengthy hug. ‘Did they think you should have told me sooner?’

‘Your nan did. She was all for being open and honest. Your grandad said?—’

‘Let sleeping dogs lie,’ we both said together, before laughing.

‘His favourite saying,’ Mum said.

‘I miss them.’

‘So do I,’ Mum said. ‘I could have done with having them here over these past few weeks.’

‘If Nan had seen the state you were in the other night, she would have killed you.’

‘Even at my age, she would have grounded me for a month.’

We both laughed, but it wasn’t a genuine display of humour. There was an edge to it, as if we were both holding back. I know I was. Despite the hug, despite saying we were both fine, neither of us were. Our relationship had changed. I felt like I’d grown up by ten years in two days.

‘Mum, can I ask you something?’ I asked, reaching for another biscuit.

‘You know you can.’

I took a lingering sip of my tea as I tried to phrase the question right in my head. ‘I was thinking… Stephanie White, the girl who?—’

‘I know who Stephanie White is,’ Mum interrupted.

‘Well, with her mum being my old English teacher, do you think I should go and see her?’

Mum’s eyes widened. ‘What? Go and see Barbara White? And say what? “Remember when you taught me English a few years ago? Well, you’ll never guess who my father turned out to be.” I’m sure she’d love that,’ she said, her tone dripping with venom. ‘No, Dawn, I don’t think you should visit her. I think you should forget the whole thing and move on with your life.’

‘Forget? How can I possibly do that? My dad is a murderer. Every single person in this city knows his name. He’s up there with Myra Hindley, Ian Huntley and Mark Bridger. How can I forget who he is?’

Mum put her mug down and stepped towards me. I really didn’t want another hug. ‘I’m sorry. Of course you can’t forget. I shouldn’t have said that. But you didn’t know him. He wasn’t a part of your life. I was. I still am. Me and your grandparents brought you up. He had no influence on your life at all. I don’t want you to think he had anything to do with how you turned out, because he didn’t.’

‘But he did,’ I said quietly. ‘Fifty per cent of who I am came from him. His DNA, his genetic make-up is inside me.’

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Mum placed her hands on my cheeks. I had to stop myself from recoiling, and I didn’t know why. ‘You’re a kind, sweet, funny person. You’re the way you are because of how you were brought up and your own unique personality.’

‘You said Dominic was kind, sweet and funny too.’

Mum took a sharp step back. She looked hurt. ‘I don’t know what to say to you, Dawn.’

‘I don’t think there’s anything else to say.’ I drained what was left of my cooling tea. ‘I’d better be getting back to work.’

‘Dawn, you’re not going to do anything silly, are you?’ Mum called after me, as I left the little staffroom and headed for the door of the shop.

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know. Something that might jeopardise your career.’

‘No.’ I smiled coldly. ‘I’m just going to go back to my boring job to do my boring work.’

I could see Mum wasn’t convinced.

‘Do you want to come over for your tea tonight?’

‘I can’t. We’ve got staff training after work, and I usually go for a couple of drinks with the girls afterwards.’ Bloody hell, where had that lie come from?

‘Oh.’ She looked dejected. ‘Maybe tomorrow night then?’

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