Page 52 of Keep Me

A few moments later, he returns with a warm washcloth and takes his time cleaning me, completely at ease and unhurried. When he’s done, he gently encourages me to turn around with a hand on my waist, then he undoes each button down the front of my dress until it falls off and pools at my feet.

Wordlessly, he reaches out and drags light fingers over the tattoos on my stomach with a divot between his brows, his eyes soft and deep.

I take his hand in mine and lead us to the bed, urging him down first then sliding in after him. My hand finds its way to his chest, palm over his heart. It’s deeply comforting to feel it beat under my hand. I watch his face, and his eyes fall to my lips.

I am expecting him to kiss me, but then I realize something. “You’ve never kissed me.” I remember how he stopped me from kissing him before he fought. “Why?”

He sighs and narrows his eyes at the dark corner of the room. “At first, it was because I fucked for release, not intimacy. There was no reason to kiss the girls I was with, and it was too…vulnerable.”

I place my hand on his cheek. “Do you think you can't be vulnerable with me?"

“I don’t mean that kind of vulnerability.” He covers my hand with his. “It’s just being so close to something, eyes closed, defenses down. I don’t feel safe. It’s too vulnerable—”

“To attack,” I say following his logic. “When do you feel safest?”

“Never. But being able to keep you safe makes it all worth it. The paranoia, constantly being on edge, never letting my guard down. I might never feel safe because of all the ways I’m fucked in the head, but I can sleep at night knowing you are.”

1. Apartment—BOBI ANDONOV. Play until end of chapter

Chapter 23

Fallen Angels

Roan

“You’re the man of the house while we’re gone.” Dad pats me on the cheek with his crooked smile that makes me feel like I’ve already made him proud. “That means you look out for your mom and brother, yeah?” He flashes me a wink, then kisses Mom on the cheek. She squeaks when he pinches her butt, and she hits him on the arm. 1

“Get outta here.” She laughs, holding the door open for him. I look out the door and see Cash behind the wheel of his new car—he just got his permit. Apparently that means he’s a safe driver, but I think they’re wrong. Mom says he drives like a bat out of hell.

Finn reaches around from the back seat and honks the horn before Cash can shove him back. “Yeah, yeah, I’m comin’,” Dad hollers back.

Once they’re gone, Mom asks me if I want to play with my trains.

“I’m hungry. Can we go to the Den?” I like their meatloaf best, especially when Miss Martha puts it in a sandwich with ketchup.

“No, it’s Lochlan’s naptime, but I can make you something here.” She picks him up from his bouncy chair and he instantly starts pulling her hair, giggling.

“Hey.” I smack his chubby little thigh. “Don’t pull Mom’s hair, that’s bad.” I gotta protect her. I’m the man of the house.

“Play with your trains while I put Lochy down, then I’ll make you a snack. Okay?” Mom never yells, not like Dad. But he yells to make us strong. Mom loves us, but she’s just a woman. We have to be strong for her. Her boys.

“Can I come with you?” He’s just a baby, but I still have to make sure Lochlan doesn’t try to hurt Mom again.

“Sure—” The doorbell rings. “Can you get that, Roan? I’ll just set Lochy in his crib and be right back.”

I nod, turning to face the door, but there’s a problem. The window is too high for me to see who is outside. Dad says we always have to make sure we check who it is before we open the door. But Mom asked me to, so I need to.

I jump as high as I can, but I still can’t see. Someone knocks on the door twice while I’m dragging a chair from the dinner table over. “Roan, the door,” Mom shouts from the back of the house, and I abandon the chair.

Something doesn’t feel right in my stomach. Like when you tell a lie. Mom wants me to open the door, but Dad says always check. I swallow down the bad feeling and unlock the door.

As soon as the metal of the lock clicks out of place, the door is slammed open, knocking me off my feet. Three big men step inside. My head hurts where I hit it on the shoe rack.

“Roan.” Mom’s voice is scared. “Come stand behind me, baby.” She’s come back from the bedroom and now stares at the big men. Her eyes are wide and watery, and I realize I’ve already failed her.

My feet feel like they are stuck in mud. I try to move, but my legs don’t work. Maybe this is a dream? Weird stuff happens in dreams sometimes. But when one of the men laughs, I know it’s not a dream. He’s here. He’s real.

“Hello, Mrs. Fox.” The gun he raises is real.

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