Page 48 of The Fake Out

The ache in my chest that formed every time I thought about losing my dad and those high school days morphed at the sound of her voice and the sadness in her expression as she looked out over the water. But I understood her, because my peace had always been on the baseball diamond. Where everything but playing the game slipped away.

Rarely did anything break through my hyper-focus the second I stepped onto the grass.

“I wasn’t like you, though. I was afraid to leave. I got into SCAD and the RI Institute of Art, but I was terrified to go somewhere new for college. So I convinced my dad I didn’t want to go to college at all.” She shrugged one shoulder. “I wish I had been brave like you.”

It was my turn to squeeze her hand. “I was terrified. I wasn’t even eighteen. But my family needed the money from my contract. So I didn’t have a choice. Even though I wasn’t making much, every cent I earned was a huge help to my mom. And the team’s batting coach let me stay in the apartment above his garage.”

She shifted my way, closing the space between us, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. Then she dipped her head and took in the water two feet below our legs dangling off the edge of the breakwater. “I may act like it, but I’m not brave enough to make a leap like that. Hell, I’m not even brave enough to leave my awful job now.”

Pivoting so I was facing her, I cupped her cheek with my free hand, forcing her to look at me. “Gi, you are brave enough. You can do anything you set your mind to. You amaze me.”

Her eyes didn’t leave mine for a full minute before they floated down to my mouth and rose again.

That tiny movement had my heart hammering in my chest.

As if she could hear it, her plump lips separated slightly and her breathing went shallow.

Damn, I wanted her mouth. I wanted to feel it pressed to mine. I wanted her taste on my tongue. I rubbed my thumb lightly against her cheek, and with a long breath out, I dropped my hand and shifted back.

“You say all these big, nice things.” She swallowed, her focus once again fixed on the surface of the water, but then she straightened her shoulders and forced her eyes back up to me. “You make it seem like you want something from me. But do you?” Her eyes swam with uncertainty. The vulnerability in her tone hit me like a wave, almost knocking me over. For a minute, all I could do was stare at her and consider how the hell to put my feelings into words.

In the time it took to sort my emotions, her eyes hardened and she locked her jaw. Her chin rose just a fraction. All of her became defensive.

Fuck. I wanted the walls the down.

“You’re all I think about lately, Gi.” The honesty flew out of my mouth.

Her eyes widened just slightly, giving away her surprise.

“But you are a forever girl, and all I can do is casual. In the six years I’ve known your brother, I’ve never known you to not be in a relationship. Jake, Ron, Steve, Teddy.”

She gasped. “You remember their names?”

“My interest isn’t new. It’s just more intense.”

Tilting her head to one side, she shifted imperceptibly closer. I wanted to answer that invitation, lean in too. Desperately. To kiss those soft lips I’d only gotten a small taste of earlier.

But I couldn’t.

I sighed and squeezed her hand again. “But I’m not ready to be half of something. I have to be selfishly devoted to baseball for the next five months and earn a contract. Or earn the attention of another team. Even after that, I can’t drag someone across the country and leave them pretty much alone all season. I won’t take a person I care about away from everything they know and love.” I shook my head. “I’m not a good bet right now, Gi. I care about you too much—and I respect your brother too much—to do something that could hurt either of you.”

She watched me silently, her eyes brimming with both disappointment and understanding. Slowly, she pulled her hand from mine. The loss was like a knife to my chest. A mask of indifference covered her face, as if she were completely unaffected.

She turned and picked up her drink, and as she set it back down, she said, “Someday I’d like to paint the moon over the harbor.”

My heart panged in the most painful way at that simple statement. It was a shift. But at least she wasn’t shutting down completely. Because I did want her words, her thoughts, as much as I wanted to touch her. Everything about her utterly hypnotized me. I’d told her we had to have lines. She was merely accepting them. So that left me with no choice but to move forward too.

I shook off the disappointment. I had no right to be upset. Because what did I want her to say? That she’d be down for a casual situation, since that was all I could do? Would I even have taken her up on it?

I refocused on her words. The moon. The night.

“You should do it. One night in the apartment, when it’s reflecting on the harbor, just drop everything and paint it.”

“Maybe.” She took another sip of wine, keeping her eyes averted.

“I’ve heard you can see the northern lights sometimes. I check every night, because I’ve always wanted to see them.”

She turned, her brows arched. “What?”

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