Page 81 of Pelvic Flaws

“Bloody boys are bloody idiots,” she cried, flopping down onto an armchair.

“Why what’s happened?” I asked, knowing it was bound to be something minor that she’d turned into a major drama “You break a nail or something?”

“Oh funny, Mother. High Mandy, by the way.”

“Hi Annie.” Mandy gave me a sly wink. “So what’s happened, why are boys such idiots?”

“Harry bloody Baker is a dickhead.”

“Annie, please, do you have to use such language?”

“When did you start to worry about our language?” Annie asked.

“It’s because I’m here,” Mandy said. “She’s worried that I’ll be offended.”

“It’s because she’s supposed to be a young lady,” I said, giving Annie my best ‘mum isn’t happy’ stare. “Now tell me why he’s an idiot.”

“Because,” she sighed, “he asked me out.”

I blinked slowly and furrowed by brow. “But I thought that was what you wanted.”

“It is, I just didn’t want him to do it when no one was around. He hung back after History and asked me.”

“Did you say yes?”

“Yeah, of course, but he’s going to have to step up his game if he wants to keep me that’s for sure.”

I looked at Mandy and shrugged. “She gets her self-importance from her father evidently.” I turned back to Annie. “Why are you home, anyway?”

“Oh, we’ve got to do an essay on Othello and we’ve been allowed to come home and do it.” Annie reached down into her bag and pulled out her laptop. “I’m going to watch the film.”

“Are you allowed to do that?” Mandy asked.

“Oh yeah,” Annie replied. “We have to read the book as well, but Miss Scott said it was okay to watch the film too. I got one of the five copies from the school library.”

She got up from her seat and grabbed the remote control from the coffee table.

“Am I okay to watch it now, Mum?”

“Yes, no problem,” I replied a little distractedly. “Mandy and I will go into the kitchen. You can help me peel some potatoes.”

“Oh thanks,” she grumbled good humoredly.

We both got up and walked towards the door. As I reached to open it all I could hear was bleating and moans and what sounded like the words ‘sack ya’. I swung around to see the lederhosen man thrusting his rather large penis towards a very scared looking goat.

“No!” I cried, making a grab for the remote.

“Mum,” Annie gasped. “What the hell have you been watching?”

“Oh shit,” Mandy muttered.

I hid my face in my hands as more groans and moans came from the TV.

“Your mum thought that-.”

“No Mandy.” I slapped a hand over her mouth. “Do not say any more.”

Mandy’s wide eyes stared at me over the top of my hand as she nodded.

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