Page 138 of Pelvic Flaws

“And that’s the only reason,” I bellowed, walking away from her. “The only fucking reason you didn’t get in a car with a stranger, because he wasn’t going your way? You are fucking unbelievable. Idiot doesn’t fucking cover it darlin’.”

“He was about eighty years old. I could have fought him off easily.”

I spun back around to face her, my eyes as wide as dinner plates.

“I don’t give a shit how old he was, he still could have drugged you, or kidnapped you and taken you to someone who wasn’t fucking eighty and who you couldn’t get away from. For fuck’s sake, Katie Cat, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I didn’t go with him,” she said quietly, putting a hand to her throat.

She looked a little emotional and I guessed it was because I’d just ripped her a new one. Her pale-blue eyes were shining and even with her hair plastered to her forehead, she still looked fucking beautiful and I hated that she was no longer mine. I wanted to say damn it all, fuck whether she really wanted Carl, or that she wasn’t all in with having Savannah as part of the package. I wanted to say I could be as little as she wanted me to be, as long as I was in her life, but I couldn’t. I wanted everything with her. I wanted it all and half measures would never be enough.

Katie

“How come you never told me Carl had been kicked out of his home?” Dex asked me, hanging his head and looking down at his feet, which were crossed at the ankles.

“Because he’s inconsequential,” I replied without hesitating. “He’s the father of my children and nothing to do with us as a couple, so I didn’t feel the need. If he’d come and asked to stay when Sophie first threw him out, I would have told you, but unless that happened I didn’t feel it necessary.” I shrugged. “Maybe I should have, and I’m sorry if that upset you, but you’ve got so much going on with Savannah too, I didn’t think you needed anything else to worry about.”

Dex sighed and hung his hands from the back of his neck as he appeared to be thinking about what I’d said.

“You didn’t think the fact he regrets losing you, maybe even wants you back, was reason to tell me?” he asked.

I paused, it was my time now to think about his words. Dex was right, I probably should have told him for that reason, although I wasn’t totally convinced Carl regretted losing me. After our conversation two nights before, I knew he regretted losing our family, but me personally – no.

“It’s not me he regrets losing,” I said, voicing my thoughts to Dex. “He wishes he’d done things differently. He’s sad he lost his family, the unit that we had, but he doesn’t regret losing me, Dex.”

Dex nodded slowly and backed away from me, taking himself to the opposite side of the kitchen. I’d thought he was starting to thaw when he’d called me Katie Cat. I’d missed it so much over the last couple of days that when I heard it I’d almost broken down with the need to be in his arms again. Now, he may as well have been back in Texas, he felt so far away.

“I heard it, Katie,” Dex finally said. “I heard everything you said to him, in your kitchen.”

I stared at him, baffled. “And what you heard is what’s upset you?” I asked, totally confused.

Dex frowned. “Err yeah, I reckon, don’t you?”

His fingers curled around the counter top, gripping it so tightly the corded veins in his forearms bulged against his tanned skin.

“So you heard me say he couldn’t stay and that I didn’t regret us splitting up?”

Dex shook his head and I was even more confused – then it hit me.

“Oh my God, you heard me tell him that I love you,” I gasped. It all made sense, he was distancing himself because it was too soon for him. “I get that it’s probably too early, but that doesn’t mean I want any sort of commitment from you. You’re backing off because you’re scared, well I get that, but please don’t end what we have just because I said that.”

“No,” Dex cried. “I heard you, Katie. I heard you tell him you didn’t want to bring up another kid and you wish you’d never split up. I fucking heard it and you can’t damn well deny you said it – I fucking heard it and it killed me.”

My heart missed a beat at his words. He hadn’t heard me say I loved him. He thought I didn’t want to be with him, worse he thought I wanted Carl back.

“God no,” I cried, taking the steps toward him and grabbing hold of his hand. “I was being ironic to prove a point to him. He was being an egotistical prick and if you’d listened you’d have heard me call him that and then you’d have heard me tell him I was being sarcastic. I told him of course I wanted to help bring up Savannah and of course I didn’t wish we hadn’t split up. I told him I was excited about a future with you, Savannah, and the kids, because I love you.”

Dex didn’t speak, but merely stared at me, his eyes searching my face as the air crackled with possibility and hope. Finally, he took a breath and then lifted a hand to cup my cheek.

“You love me?”

“Of course I do, I’ve told you twice in the last five minutes but it didn’t seem to register the first time. Now I’m shitting myself because you look a little scared.”

Dex shook his head. “Nope, no way. I look like that because I thought he was who you wanted. I was so wrapped up in my anger that you wanted someone who treated you more like a friend, than someone who worshipped you like the beautiful, amazing woman that you are, it didn’t go in, because even if you didn’t want me, Katie Cat, I would never want you to have that sort of relationship again. You are worth so much fucking more.”

The tight knot in my stomach started to unravel as Dex’s thumb brushed along the fullness of my lips and his eyes looked at me reverently.

“You’re not scared that I love you?” I whispered.

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