Page 79 of Pelvic Flaws

The screen flickered with a picture and then the title rolled, in a particularly dodgy font. In fact it was a little lopsided, and even though neither of us could read Polish, we both tilted our heads to look at it.

“Bestia Seks,” I read out loud. “Best Sex?”

Mandy nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s what it means.”

Suddenly the title stopped and some weird guitar music started and a man wearing Lederhosen and leading a goat came onto the screen. He was greeted by a busty blonde woman who was wearing a pink, baby doll nightie, which was a little bizarre seeing as the scene was set in a field. The man and woman started kissing, her unbuttoning the front of his leather shorts, while he roughly squeezed her boobs.

“He’s a bit unsophisticated,” Mandy complained.

“Hmm, not sure I’d want him touching me up like that.”

“What’s he doing now?”

As we watched, the man led the goat towards the woman, who by now had removed her barely there nightie and was completely naked.

“He’s...what the fuck?” I cried, slapping a hand over my eyes. “Shit, Mandy turn it off.”

“Oh bloody hell,” Mandy screamed, pointing the remote at the TV. “That’s disgusting. Ugh, no way.”

“Turn it off. Oh my God, I’m going to be sick.” I picked up a throw cushion and put it in front of my face. “Tell me when it’s off.”

“The bloody thing won’t turn off.”

I peeked from behind the cushion and saw Mandy stabbing at the remote, her head turned away from the picture. As she did the most hideous groaning and bleating noises were coming from the screen.

“Give it to me.”

I held my hand out for Mandy to slap the remote into it and then continued my own stabbing of buttons.

“Maybe the batteries have gone,” Mandy offered.

“Pass me the one for the actual TV. Quick.”

Mandy crawled across the floor to pick up the TV remote and threw it to me. I caught it and pointed it at the TV and managed to turn the damn thing off.

“Shit, that was awful,” Mandy groaned. “What the hell have they sold me?”

“Just Google the bloody title,” I snapped, having a really good idea on what they’d sold her.

After a couple of minutes, Mandy looked up at me with her mouth agape.

“Well?”

“I’m so sorry,” she said, slowly shaking her head. “I had no idea.”

“What is it Mandy? In fact don’t, I’ll tell you. Its bloody bestiality isn’t it.”

She slapped a hand to her mouth and nodded. “It means, Beast Sex not Best Sex. Oh God Katie, I can’t apologize enough. I thought the guy behind the counter was giving me a strange look when I paid for it.”

“He can’t judge, he’s the one selling the bloody thing.” I let out a sigh and put a hand to my thudding heart. “I can’t believe people actually do that sort of thing.”

“Obviously they do.”

“Well I think that’s put the end to my lessons,” I said with a shudder. “I think I’ll take my chances on Dex’s knowledge.”

“You sure?” Mandy asked holding up a brown bag. “Because it was buy two get one free.”

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