Page 133 of Pelvic Flaws

He scoffed and shook his head, inciting my anger even more.

“What does that mean?” I demanded.

“It means you don’t fool me with the new boyfriend and his kid, a kid that according to Annie he didn’t even know existed until a month ago. What sort of father is he?”

“He’s doing okay, in fact he’s doing better than okay. He had no idea how to be a father, he’s forty-six and never been around kids before, so I’d say he’s doing brilliantly to be honest.”

“Perfect bloody Dex,” Carl muttered.

“Oh stop being so childish. No one said he was perfect, but I’ll be honest, he’s been a better partner to me in a couple of months than you were in the last couple of years of our marriage.”

“Oh, well thanks for that, Katie.”

“But it’s true. You were here but you were so absent Carl, I felt as though I should report you as a missing person, even when you were lying in bed next to me.”

“You were the one that wasn’t interested in sex. I was always the one initiating it.”

I threw my hands into the air. “I’m not talking about sex, you idiot. I’m talking about life in general. You were always working, always had something else to do rather than spend time with us as a family. You’re not like that with Sophie and Jessie so what does that tell you.”

Carl huffed out a short laugh. “Oh so that’s it, you’re bitter because you think I treat Sophie and Jessie better than I did you and the kids.”

“I’m not bitter, I accepted that we were over a long time before you met Sophie and I take part responsibility for that. All I’m saying is, towards the end you never invested time in us as family; not like you do with the family you have now. I don’t know, maybe Sophie is better at getting your attention, or maybe it’s because they’re a younger family, and they need you more, I have no idea.”

“And there we have it,” he said standing up to face me. “The whole reason you’re so bitter and won’t put yourself out for me for one fucking night.”

“It’s not a case of putting myself out for you,” I cried. “I just don’t want you here. My boyfriend is staying.”

“Yeah your boyfriend who has landed you with a kid, just when you thought your time caring for small kids was coming to end.”

“Things change, Carl. Things change and you adapt. Just like you adapted to having a young child again.”

“Yet again, a dig about my family.”

I shook my head in disbelief, having no clue what he was getting at.

“I’m not,” I protested.

“Yes you are, because you’re bitter that I left you and now you’re saddled with another woman’s child. Go on admit it Katie, you hate the idea of bringing up another child and you know if we’d never split you’d soon be finished with all that. You know it’s true.”

I looked at Carl’s supercilious smirk and wondered for the first time ever, what I’d ever seen in him. With that one look, all the history we had disappeared and aside from the fact I wouldn’t have my children, I wished I’d never given him a second chance after going out with Ryan all those years ago. Deep down I knew I’d think differently another day – we’d had some good times, we’d had three beautiful children, but at that moment I was finding it difficult.

“You know what, you’re right. Of course I don’t want to bring up another child, Carl. Of course I wish we’d never separated.”

He shook his head and started to slow clap and I couldn’t speak, because if I did I was sure I’d say something I’d regret for the rest of my life.

“I knew it,” he finally said.

“You stupid, egotistical prick,” I replied, my tone low with incredulity. “I was being sarcastic. I can’t believe you actually think I wish we were still living together. A time when I was lonelier than I’ve ever felt in my life.”

“Yeah, I do believe that actually. And you weren’t lonely,” he snorted.

“I damn well was, you have no idea, but you know what, I’m not anymore, and I’ll tell you something else, I’m excited about my future with Dex and Savannah. As for wishing we hadn’t separated, the only times I’ve regretted that is when its affected the kids. When Charlie is torn between pleasing us both, or when Isaac felt that our divorce was all his fault, or when Annie is upset because you have a new Princess in your life – but all those times are fleeting Carl, and that regret is for our kids, not me.” I drew in a breath, not wanting to stop, wanting him to finally hear what I’d been thinking and feeling since the day he walked out. “Yes, I admit I was jealous when you met Sophie, not because she got you and I didn’t, but because you’d got her. You got your fresh start and you got it with a prettier, younger woman and that’s what hurt, because then I began to think you’d lost interest because I was older, because my tits were saggier, and my stomach wasn’t as flat. You cannot imagine how that hurts a woman; to be replaced by someone new and much shinier.”

“You know that wasn’t how it was.”

I shrugged. “You could have told me until you were blue in the face, Carl, and I’d never have believed you. Despite all that, I’m glad it happened, I’m glad I felt shit about myself, because if I hadn’t, I may never have realized how I should be treated – and that’s how Dex treats me.”

“Oh yeah, good old Dex.”

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