Page 35 of It's Never Not Been You

Memories from the past fifteen years started playing in my head, but instead of me in those flashes of life, I tried to picture a different woman in my place. I tried to picture another woman on the receiving end of Raddix’s love and attention. I tried to picture him finally experiencing someone else, and it hurt like a sonofabitch. The idea of him being happy with someone else hurt enough to make me realize that I’d never be able to give another man one-hundred percent of my heart, and how fair was that?

Repeating the question, Eris asked, “Will leaving Raddix for good make you happy, Madison?”

I shook my head. “No.” There was a collective sigh throughout the room, and when I glanced at my sister and friends, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t seen it before. “You guys already knew, didn’t you?”

“You only get one love of a lifetime, Maddie,” River replied. “Raddix has always been yours.”

“In fact, seeing you with Raddix has helped me move past what Rex did to me,” Pierce added, surprising me.

“What do you mean?” I asked, not believing my ears.

“Seeing you and Raddix tear each other apart made me see that Rex wasn’t the love of my life, despite all our years together,” he answered. “If he had been, then I would have fought harder, or I’d be hurting a lot worse. A year later, Raddix is still going out of his mind over you, Blue. It only took me a few months before I started to heal. Yeah, it’s been slow, but I’m still healing, nonetheless.” His face lit up when he smiled. “In fact, I have a date next weekend.”

Tears immediately erupted, spiking my eyelashes. “What?” I cried out, smiling, Eris and River letting out catcalls.

“Charles Winford,” he announced, his smile genuine. “He works at Carlson Law, and he’s always at Chill Co. when I’m doing my coffee runs in the afternoon.”

“You do coffee runs in the afternoon?” Eris asked.

“When the developing team is working on a project, we tend to work late,” he explained.

“House Marketing doesn’t have coffee machines?” River asked, sounding affronted on Pierce’s behalf.

Pierce just kept grinning. “They do, but they kind of suck. Their coffee isn’t the best.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, but then immediately knew the answer.

“The same reason that no one ever says anything in front of you, Blue,” he replied kindly. “What kind of asshole would I be if I rubbed my newfound excitement in your face?”

Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I said, “I still don’t know how to not feel hurt.”

“If being gone for a year hasn’t helped with that, then give Raddix a chance to do what he said, Maddie,” Eris suggested. “Let him try to make it better for you. I mean, what else do you have to lose?”

“My sanity,” I huffed sadly.

“Better crazy with great sex than crazy and alone,” River remarked, making us all laugh, despite the heavy topic.

Appreciating how they had all put their lives on hold to be here with me, I said, “I’ve got a lot to think about.”

Pierce shook his head. “No, you don’t,” he argued. “At this point, you’re just struggling with your pride, Blue. The rest of it has already been worked out by your heart.”

I looked between the three. “So, then what do you suggest I do now?”

“If he were anyone else, I’d say let him grovel a little bit more,” Eris said. “However, I know Raddix well enough to know that he’s about to lose his shit, Madison. Don’t push him to the point of no return now that you’re finally accepting the truth about how you feel about him.”

“I agree,” Pierce added. “Though I don’t know the man as well as you ladies do, I can recognize a man on the edge when I see one.”

“They’re right,” River agreed. “I can see Raddix doing something stupid, and that’s the last thing that anyone needs, Madison.”

Unfortunately for me, they weren’t wrong.

Chapter 23

Raddix~

“Thought you weren’t going to make it in today?”

I eyed my brother as he walked into the conference room. Though I had texted him this morning that I’d be at work, we hadn’t had a chance to catch up until now. While our afternoons were usually jampacked, our mornings were worse. I had set a pace that no sane man could keep up with, and I knew that I was going to have to cut back at some point. McKay Engineering was worth enough money that we didn’t need to be taking on more clients when we were already stretched thin. No matter what I needed to remain sane, there were still only twenty-four hours in a day.

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