Page 25 of It's Never Not Been You

“Okay, I’m going to let you go,” I said, still chuckling. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“Good luck, Rad,” he said sincerely. “I mean it.”

“I know you do,” I sighed. “Tell Lilibeth I said good morning.”

“Will do.”

As soon as I hung up, I checked my phone for any text messages, hoping to find one from Madison. When I didn’t, I wasn’t surprised, Caspian’s words still ringing in my ears. While I understood his advice of playing fair, that was a luxury that I couldn’t afford.

Madison would walk away if I played nice.

Chapter 16

Madison~

When I’d snuck into the condo early this morning, I’d never felt such regret in all my life. Luckily, it’d been early enough that Pierce had still been asleep, so I had managed to buy myself a bit of time before I had vomited all my shame over coffee this morning.

With only two hours of decent sleep under my belt, I’d gotten up, taken a cold ass shower, had gotten dressed, then had done the walk of shame into my kitchen as Pierce had prepared a cup of strong-as-fuck coffee for me. Those knowing hazel eyes of his hadn’t judged me as I’d told him everything, though leaving the sexual details out of my confession. Pierce had listened patiently, not making one comment on all the reasons why I’d been wrong to sleep with Raddix.

When Raddix had reached underneath my skirt, I should have pushed him away. Any woman in her right mind would have done just that. Instead, I let him provide an escape from this past year, only to wake up still wrapped up in my own emotional nightmare.

Oh, and Raddix hadn’t been stupid about it, either. The man hadn’t offered me any downtime, those few minutes of recouperation spent with his lips or hands still playing with my body. Raddix hadn’t given me any time to regret what we’d been doing or any time to come to my senses. He’d kept me drowning in a wave of pleasure that I’d been missing so damn much.

Now, was that a good enough excuse for what I’d done?

No.

Not at all.

Loneliness was an excuse used by the weak, and it was a bitter pill to swallow, admitting my glaring weakness for Raddix McKay. If I called Eris or River right now, they’d say that I was being too hard on myself, but was I? Was I torturing myself unnecessarily? Was I prolonging my misery by being stubborn and wanting to hold onto my hurt?

Or was I just being a damn drama queen?

Plus, whether intentional or not, there was no doubt that I’d led Raddix on last night. By giving in, I had given him hope, and what kind of person did that? What kind of person hurt someone else when they kept claiming that they wanted to heal and move on? Yeah, the need for revenge was natural, and I’d felt the need lots of times, but at what cost? Toying with Raddix wasn’t going to help me love him any less, so what was the point?

The door to my office swung open, and when I looked up, Raddix was slamming it behind him, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I got fired because he refused to keep our drama out of my workplace.

Slapping his palms on my desk, he leaned in, saying, “You ever leave our fucking bed again like that, and there will be hell to pay, Madison.”

I stood up, so fucking angry about everything. “Since I don’t plan on ever being there again, that won’t be a problem, Raddix.”

He straightened to his full height, his odd-colored eyes glowing. “With the way that you were cumming all over my dick last night, I wouldn’t make declarations like that if I were you.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I flung back. “Everyone knows that sex can mean nothing just as easily as it can mean everything.’

“Not between us!” he roared.

My eyes widened. “Will you keep it down?” I hissed. “This is my job, Raddix.”

“Since I can provide for you comfortably now, ask me if I give a fuck,” he spat back.

I took in a calming breath, acknowledging that this was partly my fault. By spending the night, I had given him mixed signals, so I really couldn’t blame him entirely for this particular fiasco. From the beginning, he’d been honest about wanting to get back together, and I’d gone to bed with him knowing this. I’d also made an entire night of it, falling asleep in his arms like a fool.

“Raddix, last night-”

“Don’t you fucking dare, Madison,” he bit out. “Don’t you dare stand there and tell me that last night was a mistake, because it wasn’t.” He looked like he wanted to rip my office apart. “Last night was the first night that I’ve been able to breathe in a year, so don’t fucking tell me that it was a mistake.”

“Sex isn’t the answer, Raddix,” I said, pointing out the obvious.

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