Page 9 of It's Never Not Been You

His lips twitched. “You’re such an asshole.”

“Duly noted,” I drawled out, returning to the reports.

Troy shook his head as they both started walking out of my office. “Madison was too good for you when you first asked her out, so she’s definitely too good for you now that you’re an asshole.”

“That’s what a year without sex will do to a man,” Caspian added.

“Get out,” I repeated.

“You’re going to regret treating us like this,” Troy vowed as he reached for the doorknob.

“No, I’m not,” I assured him.

As soon as the door shut behind them, I leaned back in my chair, trying to process all that I’d just read. Even though I refused to believe that Madison had moved on, she was still living with another man, and that didn’t sit well with me. There was also the fact that love and sex weren’t the same thing. Lots of people were able to have sex without complicating the act with emotions. Since I knew no one but Madison, that wasn’t the case for me. Whenever I thought about sex, I thought about Madison. However, I couldn’t say the same for her with an absolute guarantee. After all, she’d left hurt, angry, and humiliated. Who’s to say that she hadn’t had a string of one-night stands just to get even with me? Who’s to say that she hadn’t done it just to ease her lonely nights and mend her heartbreak?

I also didn’t care if she really was in a relationship with Pierce Edleman. I was going to do everything and anything to win Madison back, and only a prison sentence could stop me. I refused to live without her, and existing through life just wasn’t going to cut it now that she was back in Fidelity. Granted, I had no idea how I was going to get her to hear me out and forgive me, but those hurdles came after finding out exactly what kind of relationship she had going with Pierce Edleman.

Thinking back to that high school party, I never imagined that one kiss could change my entire life, but it’d had. I had taken Madison in my arms, and nothing in my life had ever felt so right. Every day since then had felt the same, and I still had no idea how I had survived these past twelve months without her. I had no idea how I was managing it now, honestly.

Dropping my head back, I closed my eyes, knowing that my sanity was the least of my worries.

Chapter 6

Madison~

Everything was going perfectly fine, which should have been my first clue. Life never allowed for long stretches of happiness; it was incapable of such a thing. An idyllic existence bred ungratefulness, so life always had to make sure that you never got too comfortable.

There was also the fact of timing being everything. Pierce had offered to pick up a new laptop for me yesterday, but I had insisted on wanting to purchase one for myself. Unlike a lot of people that ordered their whole lives on the internet, I liked to see what I was purchasing before buying it, especially if it was an expensive item. Nothing annoyed me more than having to return something because I’d been too lazy to leave the house.

At any rate, had I allowed Pierce to just grab one for me, I wouldn’t be here now, my chest tightening with the view before me. Even though I’d known that I couldn’t avoid my past forever, I’d still been hoping for a little more time to prepare myself.

Like a deer in headlights, I stood anchored to the display of laptops, not sure which way to even go. I didn’t want to look like a coward, but I also didn’t want to have an emotional breakdown in public. I’d rather go viral for having sex in public than for being hauled off by the guys in white jackets.

“Well, if it isn’t Madison Amber.”

My throat felt dry, and I hated how unsure I felt. “Caspian,” I greeted when I finally found my voice.

Caspian McKay looked exactly like his older brother, and that was the only reason that my heart felt like it was cracking a bit. Though not as tall as Raddix, Caspian was still tall, and he still had that same brown hair, blue eyes, and face that his brother wore. If it weren’t for Raddix’s left eye, you could mistake them for twins, especially since Raddix and Caspian were only one year apart.

Growing up in Fidelity, the town had been big enough to meet new people every day, but still small enough to know everyone that lived on your side of town. I’d gone to school with the McKays and their best friend, Troy Bentley, and had known them all my life. We’d all had our own little brand of popularity, and I’d never had any issues with any of them.

Then, one night, after a football game, my ex-boyfriend had tried to make me jealous by hanging all over Kristy Arlington, the most gorgeous girl in school at the time. While it hadn’t worked because I’d been the one to break up with Marlon, having Kristy on his arm had made it look as if he had dumped me. I could remember everyone giving me the side-eye, wondering what I was going to do.

However, instead of leaving the party or beating Marlon over the head with a broken beer bottle, Raddix McKay had saddled up next to me, had thrown his arm over my shoulder, then had asked me if I’d needed any help. We’d been friends, so I hadn’t thought anything of saying yes. Teenage pride was a force to be reckoned with, and I’d had it in spades.

So, while Raddix had kissed me to keep me from looking pathetic, everything had changed the second that his lips had touched mine. That one kiss had turned our friendship into an obsession that I still didn’t have any control over. We had ended up spending the entire night together, and when I’d seen him at school that following Monday, you would have thought that we’d been dating all our lives.

In the most horribly awkward coupling of the century, I had given Raddix my virginity, and he had given me his, and two years later, we had ended up at Forrester University together, our whole lives already planned before us. Everything had been perfect, and my chest still collapsed on itself whenever I replayed his words on our wedding day.

Yeah, leaving the way that I’d had reeked of reality television dramatics, but if I hadn’t left the way that I’d had, then I would have forgiven Raddix for breaking my heart, and I hadn’t wanted that. I hadn’t wanted to be the fool that forgave a humiliation that huge because of love.

Screw love.

That was the same reason that Pierce had decided to move to Fidelity with me. He had experienced his own heartbreak when he’d caught his boyfriend, Rex Clarkson, cheating on him. So, after helping me mend my broken heart, I had offered to help do the same for Pierce. Rex had begged Pierce to forgive him, and Pierce had been close enough to doing it that he had upped his entire life to come back here with me, hoping the distance would make him a stronger man.

“You look good,” Caspian remarked, and though the compliment sounded genuine, I had no desire to speak with the man. He reminded me too much of his brother, and it sucked to recognize that I would probably never be strong enough to interact with either of the McKays, or Troy for that matter.

“Thank you,” I replied politely.

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