Page 18 of It's Never Not Been You

My entire body froze.

Staring into her doe eyes, I said, “If you believe that, then we’re not done talking.”

Letting her food get cold, she asked, “Why are you doing this, Raddix? Are you looking to ease your conscience? Are you tired of being the villain? Is that what we’re doing? Do you need me to forgive you, so that you can move on and live happily ever after.”

Forgetting my own dinner, I set my cutlery down. “I need you to forgive me, so that we can move the fuck on,” I informed her. “If you think that I’m spending the next sixty years of my life without you in them, then you’re out of your fucking mind, Madison.”

Her eyes were blazing with live fire. “How delusional are you? Do you seriously believe that I’d ever go back to you?” She leaned back in her chair. “You say that like I might not have already moved on, Raddix.”

“I know for a fact that Pierce Edleman is gay, Madison,” I practically spewed, the mere possibility of her moving on driving me to near violence. “So, unless you want me to fuck him up, then you better choose someone else to make me jealous with.”

“I’m not trying to make you jealous,” she spat.

“You don’t need to try,” I fired back.

She looked like she wanted to stab me with her fork, and I’d let her if it meant getting her back.

Chapter 12

Madison~

This was a lot harder than I’d thought it would be. Even though I’d been prepared for this to get personal, finding out that Raddix had broken my heart for something so damn trivial was just breaking my heart all over again. A part of me wished for something more. I could cut ties completely over another woman or the simple fact that he just hadn’t loved me anymore. To know that he had panicked over some imagined scenario where he failed me as a husband was too much to process. His reason for breaking my heart shouldn’t be a noble one.

Nevertheless, no matter the reason, Raddix was still to blame for this mess. He could have chosen to tell me the truth that night or the next morning before we’d shown up at the church. He could have pulled me aside and been honest. I wasn’t that woman. I would have been more than happy to cancel the wedding at his confession. Yeah, it would have sucked, but I wouldn’t have cared. It would have been a lot less traumatizing than overhearing your fiancé say that he didn’t really want to marry you.

I stared down at my food, not feeling hungry at all. I could admit that I was a mess, and I’d been right about closure being nothing but a gimmick. Raddix’s truth hadn’t given me any kind of closure. As I stared down at my plate, all I felt was worse for knowing the truth. Fifteen years down the drain over something so goddamn stupid, and how did that bring any kind of closure? I had walked away from the love of my life because he’d had a moment of doubt, and because Raddix would probably always be the love of my life, how were other men supposed to measure up?

Letting out a shaky breath, I reached for my purse. I wasn’t going to do this. I wasn’t going to sit here and eat as if Raddix hadn’t torn my heart to shreds again. Plus, what else was there to talk about? He’d given me his reasons for what he’d said, but his reasons changed nothing. We were broken up, and we’d had been for a year now. No matter his regrets, or even my own, it was over.

“What are you doing?”

I looked up to see Raddix’s strange-colored eyes daring me to get up and leave. “I’m not hungry,” I stated evenly, surprised that I wasn’t a sobbing mess. “This also isn’t a business dinner, so it doesn’t seem fair to let McKay Engineering pick up the tab.”

“Pull your wallet out, and I’ll lose my fucking shit, I swear to God, Madison,” he warned.

I thought back to Caspian’s words about his brother being a different person these days, and I believed it. Gone was the Raddix that used to humor me. Gone was the man that used to indulge me because he’d hated seeing me upset. Yeah, Raddix had always had a temper, but not like this.

Gripping my purse in my hands, I said, “I’ll let Brooke know that we weren’t able-”

“Madison, I need you to shut the fuck up and listen to me carefully,” he said, interrupting me with an anger palpable enough to make me stop mid-sentence. “If you get up from that chair to go anywhere but my place, then things are going to get ugly enough to bring the police.”

I gasped.

I couldn’t help it.

“So, if you’re not hungry, then we can go,” he went on. “However, we’re going to my place to hash this shit out, once and for all.” Those stormy eyes of his were alive with a fury that I never imagined that Raddix was capable of. “We can drive over together in my car, or you can follow me. Those are your two choices.”

Doing my best not to let my resentment run amok, I asked, “Or else what?”

“I will follow you home and burn your fucking building to the ground,” he answered, and though outlandish, a part of me worried that he might not be exaggerating.

“If you think that threatening me is doing you any favors, it’s not,” I informed him.

“I’m not threatening you,” he shot back. “I’m simply letting you know what will happen if you cut this night short.”

Doing my best to rein in my own temper, I asked, “What happened to you, Raddix?”

“You left me,” he answered before tossing his napkin onto his untouched food.

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