Page 16 of It's Never Not Been You

“When he stopped by House Marketing today, I told him to leave me alone, and he said never,” I informed him. “That doesn’t sound like a man that just wants to apologize, then go about his way.”

“Okay, that’s true,” he muttered.

“Plus, there’s also the whole Maddie’s Pet Place,” I reminded him. “If Raddix was trying to move on from me, why name his latest venture after me? He could still do good for animals without making it personal.”

“Don’t kill me, okay?” I let out a hollow laugh. “The man got cold feet, Blue. Would it really be the end of the world to forgive him for that?” His hazel eyes looked at me sadly. “I mean, it wasn’t like he cheated on you or left you for someone else.” It was hard not to feel chastised, though I knew that wasn’t what Pierce was trying to do. As someone that’d been cheated on, I could see how he felt that Raddix’s transgression might deserve some forgiveness. “He got cold feet the night before his wedding, but still showed up to the church, Madison. He was going to go through with the wedding.”

“Which is worse than him getting cold feet,” I argued. “Who marries someone that they don’t want to? Who makes such a monumental decision like that when they’re not sure? Whenever I think about almost marrying Raddix when he really didn’t want to marry me, I feel sick. I imagine how my life could have been this fallacy of ignorant bliss; while I’m telling people how happily married I am, my husband is wishing that he’d never married me.”

Pierce leaned back against the couch. “I think you’re creating your own drama, Blue,” he remarked, the comment stinging a bit. “You can’t possibly know that Raddix would feel that way. You’re just trying to keep your anger alive by creating narratives that you can’t possibly know would happen.” Pierce shot me a look. “Trust me, I know.”

“I can’t get past the doubt,” I confessed. “Even if I did forgive Raddix, what’s the point? It’s not like we can ever get back together. Not with me always doubting what he feels for me.”

“How do you know?” he posed. “How can you assume that when you refuse to hear the reason behind his cold feet in the first place?”

“Whose side are you on?” I asked, hating how reasonable he was acting.

“Always yours,” he replied sternly. “That’s why I’m tough-loving you. One year without any contact with him, and you’re still in love with him. Think about that for a second. There’s no future for you if you don’t deal with your past, Madison.”

I eyed my friend. “If running away didn’t work for me, what makes you think that it’ll work for you?”

His entire face softened. “Rex didn’t get cold feet before our wedding, Blue. He was cheating on me. Trust me when I tell you that I don’t need time or distance to move on from that shitshow.” He reached out to squeeze my leg again. “I came to Fidelity with you because I needed to get over the betrayal without Rex in my face every day. If I had truly been running away, I would have sold the ranch. I’m also here because I knew that this was going to be hard for you.”

“I thought I was stronger than this, Pierce,” I replied. “I really did.”

“You need those answers, Madison,” he said. “Yeah, they might break your heart some more, but knowing the truth is always better than the worst-case-scenario that you keep creating in your head. It’s better than questioning every little thing about your relationship with Raddix.”

“I don’t want to forgive him,” I admitted.

“Why?”

“Because I feel stupid every single time that I even imagine what it’d be like to forgive him,” I answered. “He humiliated me in front of all our family and friends.”

Pierce’s hazel eyes sharpened. “No, he didn’t,” he replied softly. “You’re the one that left him at the altar in front of all your family and friends. Despite his nerves, he’d been adamant about not embarrassing you in front of everyone; you told me that yourself.”

“So, this is my fault?” I snapped, that small bit of truth stinging more than I’d like.

“No,” Pierce quickly rushed out, shaking his head. “I’m just pointing out that you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. Hurt? Sure. However, while you took off to Coralship to collect yourself, Raddix was the one left behind to explain to everyone what happened. He was the one that’d had to tell everyone how badly he fucked up. If anyone should feel humiliated, it’s him.”

“Yeah, I’m not feeling that, Pierce,” I huffed. “Not even a little bit.”

Chapter 11

Raddix~

When I’d made the reservations for dinner, I had specifically requested a table in the back for privacy. No matter what, there was no way that Madison and I were going to be able to sit through a ‘business’ dinner and not start picking at old wounds. Well, old wounds for her. Mine were still fresh, gaping, and bleeding profusely. Yeah, all were of my own doing, but still.

As predicted, Madison arrived right on time, no doubt wanting to hurry up and get this meeting over with. I stood up from my seat as the hostess escorted her to our table, and Madison’s appropriate business attire was letting everyone know that this was a business meeting and nothing more. She wore a light grey suit jacket, matching pencil skirt, a black blouse, and a pair of sensible black heels. Her hair was thrown up in a sophisticated bun, her makeup minimal, looking very respectable and professional.

The second that they were close enough, I walked around the table, then pulled Madison’s chair out for her. Yeah, she might hate my guts, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t deserve to be treated with a simple display of manners.

Luckily for me, Madison had chosen decorum over telling me to go fuck myself, and the hostess just smiled at her as Madison took her seat. “Your server will be with you soon.”

Before my ass even hit my chair, Madison was spitting venom at me. “This isn’t a date, Raddix,” she spewed. “I can seat myself.”

“I’m not doing anything that I hadn’t done a million times before, Madison,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, well, there’s a big difference between what you used to do and what’s allowed now,” she fired back. “This is a business dinner, so I expect you to treat it as such.”

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