Page 37 of Hold Me Until Morning

Cody looked at his momma for permission, and she nudged him forward. Cody’s feet felt like they were sticking to the floor when he moved forward, like it was hard to move, that thunder in his heart banging so loud he thought his daddy could hear it.

His daddy patted the spot on the bed next to him. “Climb up here.”

Cody did as he was told, climbing up and staying on his knees and facing him, keeping real still because he was afraid he might hurt his daddy if he got too close.

His daddy touched his chin. “There’s my big, brave boy. And you’re going to grow into an incredible man one day.”

His stomach wobbled as he stared at his father.

“You’re such a good boy, do you know that?”

Cody could only give him a tiny nod of his head.

“I want you to always remember that—you’re a good boy and it’s this right here that makes you that.”

His daddy tapped at the spot where it felt like Cody’s heart was going to burst through his chest.

“You be kind to those around you. Use your manners and help out wherever you can. Be respectful but also stand up for what you believe to be true and right.”

Cody nodded again, and his eyes felt tingly, and his throat burned real bad.

“And I want you to always look out for your momma and your sisters. You’re gonna be the man of the house now, so you make sure no one ever does them wrong. Take care of them. Protect them with everything you’ve got.”

“Yes, sir, I promise.” The words sounded garbled when they came off his tongue, and his daddy reached up and wiped away a tear that had gotten free.

“I know you will stand for them. I’m so proud of you, and I’m always gonna be.”

My eyes popped open to the darkness of my room. My heart galloped in my chest, no different than it’d done that afternoon when I was six years old. It was the day that was inscribed in me like a brand.

My purpose. My responsibility.

Only that promise had taken me down a road I never should have let it, but at the time, I hadn’t thought there’d been another choice.

Maybe there hadn’t been, and those consequences had been coming for me all along.

Destined.

Inevitable.

Sweat slicking my flesh, I tossed off my covers and sat up on the side of the bed. I scrubbed both palms over my face before I dragged my fingers through my hair, taking in deep, even breaths like it would hold the power to eradicate the chaos that hunted me.

I could almost feel the wraiths hiding in the corners. On the fringe and in the periphery, murmuring that one day they were going to catch up.

I touched the tattoo on my chest, that permanent reminder that I was living on borrowed time.

A reminder to live hard and full and with everything I had, to always watch my back, to never stumble, to never fall.

Problem was, the ground felt shaky beneath me, like I was riding an edge that I knew better than to take.

Slipping off a crumbling, disintegrating cliff.

Pushing past boundaries that I’d set for myself.

A fool who couldn’t seem to help himself.

Unease coiled with the interest. This stupid, reckless thing that I couldn’t shuck from my brain. It had been following me into my dreams the entire week. Unable to resist it, I pushed to my feet and padded across my room to the window.

I peeled back the drape.

---