Page 196 of Hold Me Until Morning

I couldn’t contain the tears, and they slipped hot and fast down my face, the guilt I’d been trying to suppress finally breaking free.

“Brooke.” Her name dropped from my tongue like a boulder of regret.

Surprise sent him blinking. “Brooke?”

I squeezed my arms tighter across my chest. “She loved you, Cody. She loved you, and she wanted to be with you. She saw us that day…the day we almost…” I cut off, the words jagged and barbed, sticking to my lips. My breaths cleaved, so harsh they ripped and slayed.

“She saw us.” I whispered it that time. “I promised her I would never do that to her. That you and I were only friends and that was the only thing we were ever going to be. But she was so upset…so upset…”

I gasped it, my arms squeezing so tight like I could keep the mangled mess that was my heart confined within the gaping of my ribs. “She never would have gone into that corral. Never. She was terrified of those horses. I know she…”

I couldn’t fully give it voice. Her death had been ruled an accident. But I knew. I’d always known.

“Fuck, Hailey.” Sorrow rippled from Cody, and he took another step closer. “I can’t believe what you’re saying, but if she did, you’ve got to know that wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.”

“It is, Cody. She went running out that night. I…I didn’t stop her. I thought she needed time to cool off, and once she did, she’d understand and forgive me. Forgive me for wanting you because God knows how much I did, and Brooke knew it, too.”

A sob tore out of me. It was the first time I’d ever admitted it aloud. The first time I gave voice to the horrors of what I’d believed.

I’d held it for years. A dirty secret that had haunted. What had driven me to a place I never should have gone.

Massive arms wrapped around me, and Cody pulled me tight against him, his breath a whisper across my hair, as quiet as the words he confessed. “If that was anyone’s fault, then it was mine, darlin’. Mine and mine alone.”

“You told her you loved her. How could you say that and not mean it?” The question was pocked with soggy, gasping tears.

Cody froze, and his arms went rigid. Regret pilfered from his nose. “I didn’t, Hailey. I never told her that. Would never lie about that. If I tell someone I love them, I fucking mean it.”

Sobs kept erupting.

Uncontrolled.

Unchecked.

I wanted to accuse him of being a liar. But once I’d opened the box where I’d stored away the memories, it came flooding back.

Brooke had wanted him to. She’d wanted him to love her.

But he hadn’t. It had been clear.

I’d chalked him up to being a player.

Toying with both of our emotions.

But that wasn’t him.

“It broke my heart, too, when you were with her.” The revelations kept coming, the stress of the day pushing me to my breaking point. I was no longer able to contain what had been brewing for years.

His regret doubled, and those strong arms pulled me tighter, his voice splintered pieces of gravel. “I’m sorry. I’m fuckin’ sorry for hurting you. I couldn’t touch you, Hailey. Couldn’t. Not when you were this sweet, innocent girl my gut warned me I would wreck.”

He inhaled a shattered breath. “Because I wanted you in a way that I knew wasn’t right, and I’d be a bastard to touch you, so I did everything in my power to stay away from you. It was hard, though, every time you came around, shining so damned bright when I was in the middle of this shit that I knew was going to ruin my life.”

He was injured, but he kept drawing me closer, like there was no chance he could get close enough. I clung to him, too, my consciousness spinning. “What shit, Cody?”

Shame filled his sigh, though he didn’t let me go. “My mother was going to lose her house. I couldn’t let that happen. The Wagner Ranch manager at that time heard I was looking to make some extra money and he offered me an opportunity. The guy was crooked, Hailey. Running illegal bets down at the horse track over in Eddings. I didn’t know it when he offered it, but I was hired to shake guys down when they didn’t pay up.”

Alarm blared in the back of my mind.

Cody felt it, and he somehow hauled me closer.

---