Page 142 of Hold Me Until Morning

Ryder slinked back farther in the seat, that shock of black hair flopping to the side. “I’m not sure why you look so disturbed by it, brother. I know you’ve been chasing your next hookup ever since I can remember, but I promise you, when you find the one, you aren’t going to feel like you’re missing a thing. You never fucking get bored because each time you touch her, you only want more.”

Ryder thought I was afraid of commitment, which there was no goddamn question that I was, but it wasn’t bred of the reasons he imagined.

It wasn’t because I was scared of getting locked down, worried I’d forever be wondering if the grass was greener on the other side.

It was that I was afraid of what I was bringing to the table. The mess I’d created that would only taint and destroy.

The truth that I would never be good enough for the woman who I’d left at her house after kissing her wild on her porch. The whole time, I’d felt like I was getting a piece of myself ripped away when I forced myself to get in my truck and drive to Time River to meet up with Ryder.

Every instinct demanded that I stay by her side.

Funny thing, Hailey thought she was the one bringing the baggage while I came barreling in loaded like a fucking freight train.

I figured no one else could understand quite the way that Ryder would be able to.

I shook with the truth that I’d been keeping from him my entire life, a hypocrite who’d secreted my mistakes away, all while I’d been demanding that he keep away from my sister because I’d known he’d had himself entangled in some shady shit.

But what I’d done, I’d done for my family.

For Dakota and Kayla and our mother.

Because they were worth it.

Because I would give anything for them.

Because I’d promised.

And still, I didn’t know how to admit to him my true concerns.

“I want to be good enough for her, Ryder. Right for her and her daughter. Make their lives better rather than become a cloud that darkens their path.”

He took a sip of his whiskey, and he pointed at me from where he had his hand curled around the glittering glass. “That right there is a choice, Cody. Whether you make their lives better or worse.”

I barely nodded, even though it wasn’t quite the truth. I’d given up that power a long time ago.

I pushed out the one thing that I could give him. The first obstacle ahead of us that I wasn’t going to just hurdle, but tackle head-on.

Fucking raze it to the ground.

“Her ex is sniffing around…trying to get her back. Rich kind of prick who thinks the world owes him something and everyone should get on their knees and bow when he’s coming. He doesn’t like it that Hailey isn’t yielding.”

Darkness rolled through his expression, and he slowly set the glass on the table, the brutality that was Ryder coming out full force.

Mine rolled inside, the warning rumble of an earthquake before the entire goddamn thing split apart.

“Does he know about you?” Ryder asked.

A morbid chuckle rolled out when I thought to the way I’d kissed Hailey in front of him that night, playing this whole thing as fake when the second my mouth had touched hers, I’d known I’d never experienced anything as real as that.

“You can say I took it upon myself to make sure the fucker knew she wasn’t sleeping alone at night.”

Ryder let go of a cynical laugh. “I bet you did.”

I shrugged, bringing out the innocence. “I couldn’t help myself.” Then I sobered. “Think he’s seriously bad news. Dangerous sort who’s involved in seedy shit. She won’t tell me exactly what because she’s afraid of saddling me with the truth…thinking she’s going to make it worse.”

“What are you going to do about this little problem?”

“Whatever it takes.” I said it simple.

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