“Of course, Master Jorah.” I tilted my head. “I understand and bid you goodnight.”
But I didn’t understand, not really. All my heart knew was we’d been having fun—dancing and laughing—and kissing at the end of that had seemed like a natural conclusion. I was enjoying myself for once, and Creed had ripped it all away. I saw Jorah’s reticence to leave in the tension in his body and a tiny flame of hope flickered.
Only to be snuffed out.
“A good night to you as well, Lady Jessalyn.”
I flinched at that title, but Jorah didn’t see it. He’d already turned and was striding off into the darkness. All the good humour and fun of tonight was driven out of me. No, worse, it was extinguished as if it never existed in the first place. When I’d told my story to Fern and her friends, it’d felt like I lanced something poisonous inside me. The wound was still aching, hot and sore, but I’d done something that went partway to healing me. Dancing with Fern, then Jorah, had allowed me to put all of it aside, and right as I was beginning to explore what it might be like to just have a good time, Creed came blundering in. I felt a sharp stab of anger, and I turned to the wolf.
“You…”
It was probably not wise, stabbing a finger in the direction of a predator. In Stormare, people talked about the beast men’s savagery, painting them as little more than animals, but Creed’s wolf just skittered back on four paws.
“Why did you do that?” I snapped, but I really needed to answer my own question. “Why did you have to come blundering in like that? I told you…” I started to pace, a weird kind of agitation setting in, and with it came a familiar ache inside my head. “I told you I didn’t want this.” My eyes shot sideways to lock with his. “I told you I didn’t want you!”
My voice rang out through the laneway, making me flush with shame. People would be in their beds, trying to rest and I… But it wasn’t concern for others that stained my cheeks red, it was this. White hot anger rose up out of somewhere— I hadn’t realised I was keeping it stuffed down.
“That could’ve been you.”
I stabbed my finger into the air, but the wolf didn’t back up for a second. Instead, he moved closer to sit at my feet, as neatly as a well-trained hound. He was beautiful, but so was everyone here, so I didn’t let my fingers trail through his thick fur, to rub those velvety ears. Rather, I was just angry with myself that I wanted to.
“You could’ve been the one to ask me to dance. I could’ve challenged you. It could’ve been you that kissed me standing in a lane, the night air chilling my skin. You say I’m your fated mate? Why wasn’t it you that treated me with respect and affection? Why weren’t you the one who treated me like a bloody woman, not just a thing?”
My breath was coming in too fast, and the cold air was making my lungs ache. The steady throb of my head let me know my heart rate was picking up, but none of it was a match for the pain inside my chest. The moment I’d seen that wedding dress, it’d been one disappointment after another. Reality had crushed dream after dream until all there was left was pain.
“But you didn’t. You didn’t.” I jerked myself away from the wolf, and he followed until I bent down and grabbed a rock from the side of the road and brandished it. “You didn’t treat me with the respect I deserved.”
The wolf flinched back, as if I’d already tossed the stone, and an animal cringing away from me had the rock slipping from my fingers.
“You don’t get a chance to do that again.” My voice was as icy as my hands felt right now. “Not anymore. Don’t come around here, snarling at men because they have the temerity to treat me better than you did.” I straightened up. “Don’t come by here at all.”
If I was to be Jessalyn, then I would be as imperious, cool, and remote as a princess. I stared down my nose at the wolf and delivered my final blow.
“I’ll go through these mating games and jump through the hoops, but don’t hold out any hope of cooperation from me. I’ll fight you the entire way, and…” He slowly got to his feet, the low continuous whine feeling like a knife blade scraping my nerves raw. “And I’ll reject you.” I nodded sharply. Part of me mourned the loss of all that pleasure I’d found with them, but the hard resolve I felt more than made up for it. “I’ll reject each and every one of you, and then I’ll be free.”
I didn’t bother to gauge his reaction to that. Instead, I spun on my heel and strode up the front footpath towards Mother Marian’s cottage.
Chapter 47
Roan
“She intends to reject us?”
Creed delivered the news over breakfast. We’d been served the most anaemic looking eggs with bacon that was burned to a crisp, but I was well used to soldier’s rations, so it wasn’t enough to turn me off my food.
Creed’s words were, though.
Bile filled my mouth, acidic and harsh, burning my throat as Silas piped up.
“Of course, she is.” I knew this expression. I saw it come out each time we were forced into a situation well beyond our control. His knife was in his hand, and he was caressing the back of the blade with his fingers. “Why on earth would she choose to accept us as her mates? The idea is patently ridiculous.”
And the object of his ire then got those bright green eyes turned on him. Arik bore Silas’ steady stare with equanimity, crunching on brittle bacon until his shirt was covered in shards of burnt meat. He brushed it off and then looked at the rest of us coolly.
“It’s not as if we haven’t taken on impossible missions before.”
“This is not like when we were forced to take down an entire Lanzenian garrison on our own,” Silas snapped.
“No, that was harder.” We all glared at Arik then, trying to make him see, but he continued. “That was forty well-armed and well-trained enemy soldiers behind a doubly reinforced barricade, and this—”