Page 79 of Settle Down, Princess

Why wasn’t it me there? Why weren’t those my hands on her shoulders? Why wasn’t I pulling her close, smelling her sweet scent? Why didn’t she smile for me?

Instead of being close to my mate, I was forced to revisit all the looks she’d given me. Anger, fear, pain, or the haze of lust induced by a drug, none of which I wanted. I sucked in a breath, then another, feeling the shame coming rushing back in.

“Is there a problem here?”

Wren, one of the elders we’d consulted with, stood before us. There was no warmth in her expression now.

“No problem, Elder—” Arik replied as he appeared beside me.

“Dispense with the titles.” She waved her hand in irritation. “Especially when you have been far from forthcoming.” Her focus shifted to me. “I expect humans to lie about what they do, but you, Creed…” Her chiding tone, coupled with that disappointed look, hit me much harder than it should’ve. My own family was giving me the cold shoulder, but Elder Wren… She’d been a constant in my life, always taking time to answer my questions and ask how I was. “Did we not teach you better than this?”

She knew. The cool expressions, the baleful looks. Everyone in the pack knew what we had done to Jessalyn, and I flushed, realising we deserved every kind of censure. The wolf whined inside me, pulling back, knowing he had no chance to leap forward now. Disapproval helped me regain control where willpower had failed.

“You did, Elder.” I dropped my head down to save myself from seeing the mess I’d made, both of the chair and Jessalyn. “And I fear I forgot every word when I…” The confession, caustic as acid, wanted to come bubbling up, but the elder had not asked for this, so I swallowed it back down again. “When I acted in a way that went against our teachings. For that, I am sorry.”

“You’ll need to save those apologies for another,” she said with a sigh, “but for now, you must go.”

“Go…?”

I shot Roan a dark look, willing him to silence.

“Go, now.” The alpha bark in her voice had me taking a step back in a way no human general could match.

“The chair—” I said.

“Others will clean up your messes.” She said that as if I was a child of two, not a man grown. “But you must be prevented from making any more.”

I stumbled backwards at the implication of her words. My eyes were drawn back to Jessalyn, and I saw again how she was happy in a way we had never made her. I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to acknowledge it, but I had to. My previous exhortations that we prove ourselves worthy of her seemed pointless now. I’d barely managed to watch her dance with another before I was trying to snatch that moment from her. I shook my head sharply and then dropped down on one knee.

“I hear your words, Elder Wren.” As I said it, I recognised that the act of obeisance, of lowering myself to the ground, had eased something in me. “I apologise for destroying the chair, and I will make another to replace it.”

“Tomorrow, Creed, son of Saffron, but not today. You have been long from our lands, and I think this has been to your detriment. Your wolf has always been difficult to control, but you learned to. Show me that you can again.”

There was a note of confidence in her voice, almost erased by her displeasure, but not quite. I gripped it like a drowning man might a lifeline, using it to haul myself upright and to meet the elder’s gaze.

“I will, Elder. I will, I promise I—”

“Not now, Creed.”

I was dismissed as surely as if by one of the human generals. I turned on my heel and walked out of the dining hall, my pack at my sides, but a contingent of older wolf shifters followed our progress, to make sure we didn’t backtrack.

I didn’t take a full breath until the music faded. When the sounds of night birds singing and crickets calling had replaced it, rage dissipated and the wolf settled back down. We were home. No matter how we’d gotten here, that remained true. And, back on the packlands, perhaps I could find a way to make up for the sins of the past.

“Well, that went fucking terribly.” Silas pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the ground, shaking his head as we looked at the four beds set up in the large bedroom.

“We got permission from the elders to court Jessalyn, thinking that was the next step.” Roan sat down heavily on the bed. “And I thought it would be all smooth sailing from there.”

I wanted to snap at him why would he think that? What on earth would make him think such a thing? Instead I kept my mouth firmly shut, lest a whole lot of other words come out.

“Self-recrimination and doubt won’t do us much good tonight.” This was a familiar speech from Arik. He delivered it each time a situation seemed dire. “Let’s get some sleep. None of us have slept well since we took on this mission. We’ll all be thinking more clearly in the morning.”

Arik didn’t allow for argument, just moved over to extinguish the lamp. In the darkness, we all stripped down and slid under sheets that smelled of lavender and sunlight.

My eyelids felt heavy, and my breathing slowed and evened out. Arik was right, we’d all barely slept since the moment we’d met the princess. On top of that, the wolf hadn’t permitted me a moment’s rest while Jessalyn had been unconscious in her sickbed. My body wanted to fall into sleep, but, as soon as I let go, the wolf pushed forward.

He was usually kept locked down, tamped into some corner of my soul and only allowed to come forth to tear the king’s enemies apart. It seemed he was done following orders.

Our paws hit the wooden floorboards, but my wolf was no pup. He knew just how to land to prevent his claws from clicking, and he padded from the room, nosing the door open and then was out into the cottage’s living room. Almost as if he sensed I wasn’t planning to stop him, he let go a little control so that we could work together. We paced back and forth on seeing the bar across the front door, but the windows had been pushed open to let in the night air, so we leapt through one of them, landing in the garden.

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