Page 37 of Love in the Shadows

“I fear I will never see him again,” Frau Neumann said.

Fabienne leaned against the wall. At least she didn’t have to go away to fight, but the dangers were there all the same. She didn’t worry about losing her own life so much as she feared losing the only two people who mattered in the world. “I can imagine the pain,” she said.

Tears welled in Frau Neumann’s eyes. “I don’t know which is harder. Thinking that he will die, or that he will become someone I won’t recognise.”

“The war changes us all,” Fabienne said. Frau Neumann stared at her like a newly born foal unsure of itself or its surroundings. The cigarette trembled in her hand as she drew down on it.

“God, how awful it all is,” Frau Neumann said.

Movement in the shadows close to the arch caught Fabienne’s attention. She moved as far back against the wall as she could, hoping that if someone was spying, they would only see Frau Neumann. “I have to get back to work,” she said. She picked up the basket of logs and went into the kitchen.

“The meat is cooking. I’ll start on the crème,” Mamie said.

Frau Neumann entered the kitchen and walked through to the dining room without speaking.

“I’ll make the pastry for the tart,” Fabienne said. Mamie wouldn’t quiz her, not here, but she would ask questions later. She stirred the mushroom soup and tasted it, added more salt.

Nanny came to the kitchen table early with Astrid. Fabienne gave them their bowls of soup and a thick chunk of freshly baked bread. They ate in silence and when they left, Fabienne breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t like Nanny’s sternness or that Astrid was unnaturally subdued around the older, intense woman. She didn’t trust Nanny one bit, even though she hadn’t done or said anything specifically to cause Fabienne to be wary of her.

Mamie whisked the eggs and added milk and a little sugar. She set the bowl on the heat and stirred gently.

Fabienne set the table for Hauptmann Müller. She took the cup of poisonous mushrooms from the basket, put it on the surface close to the pot of soup, hidden amongst the cooking utensils, chopping board and pans of uncooked vegetables.

She cut a large chunk of bread and a piece of cheese and set them on the table, along with a glass and a bottle of wine from the fridge. He wasn’t supposed to drink while working, but that hadn’t stopped him in the past.

When he entered the kitchen, her heart raced. He sat at the table and started on the cheese. She stood over the large pan soup with her back to him, stirring it slowly, her eyes closed, rehearsing the simple plan in her mind.

“Guten abend, Hauptmann Müller,” Mamie said, while stirring the crème.

“Hurry up. I haven’t got all night,” he said.

Fabienne kept her back to him as she tipped the chopped webcaps into a bowl and added two ladles of hot soup from the pan. She stirred the dish and placed it in front of him.

The repetitive clacking of his spoon against the bowl brought a wry smile and a wave of relief that was quickly swept away by an urgent hammering on the main door.

Müller cursed, stood up, and strode out of the kitchen.

Fabienne turned and stared at the table. The bread and cheese had gone, but more than half the soup remained. Should she leave it in case he returned?

“Clear it away,” Mamie said, as if reading her thoughts. “He might not come back and if he falls ill, we don’t want any evidence.”

Fabienne took the bowl and tipped the contents down the sink. There were too many webcap pieces, she was sure of it, and she tensed in anger.

“Don’t, Fabienne,” Mamie whispered. “Perhaps it was enough.”

Fabienne wasn’t convinced, but there was nothing she could do about it now, and if it wasn’t enough to do the job, then she would just have to find another way.

16.

IT DIDN’T TAKE JOHANNA long to search through her meagre wardrobe for an appropriate dress for the evening – she didn’t care what she wore. She wasn’t there to impress them with her sense of fashion, but she didn’t want to disgrace Gerhard in front of them. She opted for a black dress that hung just below her knee, and a long black cardigan to keep out the chill from the draught. Classic and simple, hopefully it would make her invisible to them. She pinned her hair up and put on a thin layer of the red lipstick that she’d had since before the war, the one she used to wear when they went out to the theatre. She was just about to leave her bedroom and head down the stairs when the door opened. Astrid came running towards her and hugged her waist.

“Hello, darling. Is everything okay? Where’s Nanny?”

“I wanted to say good night, and she didn’t want me to.”

“Frau Neumann, I am so sorry.” Nanny was puffing in the doorway. “I’m afraid Astrid is being obstinate this evening. Now, come here, Astrid. Your mother has more important things to do.”

Johanna held Astrid to her. “If you’ll give us a moment, please.” She gave her a tight-lipped smile. “And please shut the door behind you. I will send Astrid up when we’re done.” She waited for the door to click shut, imagined Nanny snooping behind it, and crouched down to Astrid.

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