Page 28 of Love in the Shadows

Frau Neumann added some water to the kettle and set it on the stove. “I’m sure you’ve earned it, and it’s so damned cold. Is it always this cold in spring?”

Fabienne laughed. “It can be. The climate here can be unpredictable; cold nights are common, though usually it warms up during the day. This year is the worst I remember it being since I was Nancy’s age.”

“Berlin gets cold, but this feels different.”

“The war doesn’t help. The lack of food and wood, and aged clothing. There is little to protect us anymore,” Fabienne said.

Frau Neumann nodded. She took cups from the cupboard and made the drinks. “Do you take milk? I’m afraid we’re out of sugar, though that’s a small sacrifice to make.”

“Black, thank you.” Fabienne’s mouth watered in anticipation. She took a sip, and it was hard to swallow past the guilt. The caffeine hit came quickly, and in her elation she finished the drink swiftly. Only when she put the cup on the surface did she realise Frau Neumann was watching her keenly. Her heart raced and her mind insisted she’d been deceived. If that was so, then she would now pay the consequences.

“How’s your grandmother?” Frau Neumann asked.

Fabienne was taken aback by the question. Still, her heart raced. “She is getting older, the hours are long, and the work is very hard. And Hauptmann—”

“I am aware of Hauptmann Müller.”

Fabienne doubted she knew the full story, but it wasn’t her place to tell, and she wanted to savour the uplifting effect of the precious coffee rather than dredge up the cruelty he inflicted on them.

Frau Neumann studied her. “Maybe you should stop working at the dairy?”

Fabienne’s stomach fizzed from the caffeine-heightened anxiety that hit her. She needed to remain calm and collected, or Frau Neumann might suspect she was up to something.

Frau Neumann clasped her hands together. “Then you can be at the house earlier to help your grandmother.”

That would be a natural conclusion for someone in her position, but Mamie wouldn’t want that, and it would mess up Fabienne’s Resistance activities. “Mamie is proud. She would be offended if I suggested that she needed my help and she would feel worthless. I think that would affect her more.”

Frau Neumann nodded. She sipped her coffee, tapping her index finger on the side of the cup.

The silence was thick with tension. Fabienne wanted to know what Frau Neumann was thinking and whether she was setting her up for a fall.

“The kommandant is hosting important guests for dinner on Good Friday at nine p.m.”

Fabienne noted that Frau Neumann hadn’t referenced herself. The event was the same evening as the blowing of the bridge. That could make things awkward. “We will make sure the food is prepared to the highest standard. Is there anything special you would like us to cook?”

“I don’t know what rations we’ll have. Hauptmann Müller will find out what’s available and let me know. But I’d like you to be here to plate the food. He and Nanny will serve, but they can’t be seen managing the kitchen or coordinating the meal. You understand?”

Fabienne’s stomach tightened. She would have to leave the house at some point during the evening, and to do that she was going to either need a very solid excuse or simply disappear and face the consequences afterwards.

“I might be able to find some wild mushrooms if that pleases you. For a soup.” Fabienne was always looking for a legitimate opportunity to get out of the house. It wouldn’t help her on the night, but it might give her a credit for when she needed one.

“That would be nice, providing they’re not poisonous.” Frau Neumann’s eyes sparkled with her smile.

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Fabienne said. As she smiled, she knew she was blushing.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to.” Frau Neumann finished her coffee, and Fabienne got the impression she didn’t want to leave the kitchen. “These important men who are coming, they think like Hauptmann Müller.”

Fabienne nodded. The kommandant’s wife was not only trying to warn her, but she was also making it clear that she was not like these men. Frau Neumann had taken a risk in giving Fabienne this information. A small risk, but nonetheless she had given away that she wanted to protect Fabienne, and that she did not agree with the way the officers treated them. “Then we must be sure to feed them well,” she said.

Frau Neumann broke eye contact. “I hope your grandmother can find some time to rest.”

Fabienne stepped towards her, reached out to touch her, then pulled back quickly. “Please, if you agree, send her back to the house now. I can manage the bedrooms and meal preparations today. And her other granddaughter, my cousin Nancy, is alone in the cottage at the weekends. It is very hard on her. She is just ten years old.” Fabienne had blurted the words without thought, and as she waited in the silence that followed, her heart drummed a heavy beat.

“It’s very hard on the children,” Frau Neumann said. “I was their age during the previous war.”

Fabienne sensed she wanted to say more. She was German, but she was also lonely and so was Astrid. “It must be horrendous to go through it all a second time,” Fabienne said.

“My grandfather died in that war.”

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