Page 24 of Love in the Shadows

Johanna heard Gerhard’s voice down the corridor and took one last look at the masterpieces she would probably never see this closely again, enjoying them through a new lens of optimism. “I think we are about to leave,” she said. “It’s been nice meeting you.”

“You wear your heart on your sleeve, Johanna. Be careful who else notices.”

Johanna didn’t feel so much chastised as liberated by the comment. Whether she would see Frau Bauer again or not didn’t matter; she had an ally; and that meant there would be others. She didn’t need to know who those people were: just knowing they were out there somewhere, that was enough to lift her spirits.

They made their way to the front of the house and, ignoring Gerhard, she thanked the generalmajor for his hospitality. She held out her hand to Frau Bauer. “Happy New Year.”

Frau Bauer smiled. “Let’s hope so, Johanna. For all our sakes.”

She sensed Gerhard’s coldness towards her even more strongly on the journey home, though it touched her heart a little less.

11.

THE JOY THAT HAD carried Fabienne through Christmas had faded by the first week of January. The beginning of 1944 had arrived in a blizzard, followed by more snow and a constant bitter wind. By the time spring arrived in early March, rations had been reduced again, as a punishment for the German army failures, and the citizens of Erstein were simply trying to survive long enough to see the warmer months arrive.

Any hope of being able to propagate crops and vegetables early in the year to support their meagre diet had already been thwarted by the lousy weather. The German soldiers were angrier and more aggressive than ever, and it was as if the few rules that might have once kept some men’s behaviour in check had been revoked, making the Boches even more unpredictable.

Fabienne sensed the danger more acutely and she did all she could to stay invisible to the German patrols, and especially to Hauptmann Müller. The latter was proving more difficult since he had taken an instant dislike to her and continued to do everything in his power to make her life both harder and more miserable. She didn’t doubt that, if he had the chance, he would take her life in a heartbeat. However, she planned to get to him first. It was just a matter of picking the right time.

She finished the disgusting acorn coffee and rinsed the cup in the sink, wondering why she bothered with it at all. Habit, she supposed – the comfort that came from going through a familiar process of making it, even if the taste or the effect wasn’t the same at the end.

Mamie looked wearier today, her body nothing more than loose skin and bone after the harsh winter. The clothes that had once hugged her now hung limply from her fragile frame. They had all suffered from the lack of rations, of course, but since she’d started working for the Neumanns, Mamie had lost the spark that had once radiated her passion for life. Now, she moved around the kitchen as if every joint rubbed bone on bone, hesitantly and slowly. She reached for her cup of coffee and toppled it over.

“Damn. I am so tired, chérie.”

Fabienne’s fatigue was bearable. Mamie looked frighteningly defeated and Fabienne worried she might be losing her. Her stomach twisted at the thought. “Sit down. I’ll take care of it.” She cleared the mess and made a fresh cup.

“I need to get to the house, or the captain will be cross,” Mamie said.

“You must try not to be alone with him,” Fabienne said, repeating the message she gave Mamie daily.

Fortunately, it appeared Frau Neumann was equally concerned for their safety around the officer as she often turned up while he was watching over them and told him to go elsewhere. Still, the kommandant’s wife couldn’t be in two places at the same time, so there were occasions when he would stand over one of them too closely. Fabienne touched her ribs, where the newest bruises he’d inflicted were still tender. By the way he eyed her breasts and thighs, she knew it was only a matter of time before he tried to take advantage of her. When he did, she would have no choice but to stop him, no matter what it took and no matter the consequences.

Mamie drank in silence.

Nancy came into the kitchen and slumped at the table. “I don’t want to go to school.”

Fabienne handed her a plate with a slice of bread on it and a cup of water. “You’re funny. Of course you are going to school.”

“Astrid doesn’t go to school.” She took a bite out of the bread.

“I’m sure she would probably love to go to school,” Mamie said. “Sadly, she has no choice and she has no friends here.”

“I could be her friend,” Nancy said. “We could play in the garden.”

Fabienne stroked Nancy’s hair. “She’s not allowed to play with you.”

Nancy looked up at Fabienne, her brow furrowed. “What’s wrong with me?”

Fabienne studied her cousin’s heart-shaped face, the confusion in her deepening frown and the sadness in her eyes. How could someone so young understand this folly? She kissed the tip of her nose. “There is nothing wrong with you, Nancy. There is something wrong with the world right now, and hopefully someday soon all the madness will be over, and then you will be able to play with Astrid and anyone else you choose.”

“I still don’t want to go to school,” Nancy said. “Can I stay at home, please? I want to play with Leo and Cleopatra.”

Fabienne bent down and straightened the collar on her cousin’s pinafore dress. She would feel happier with Nancy staying here and playing with the kittens, but that would be an admission that she feared for her safety at school. She had to keep those concerns to herself, or she would frighten Nancy even more than she already was. “Do you have your books in your bag?”

“Please, Fabienne. Mamie. I promise to do some reading and writing.”

Fabienne rubbed a crumb from her cheek and kissed her forehead. “Absolutely not. You have one week until the Easter break and it’s good for you to be with your friends.”

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