Page 10 of Love in the Shadows

Fabienne took another deep draw on the cigarette. “He is not like the other German officers. Are you going to be able to manage breakfast and the bedrooms on your own?”

Mamie rubbed mixed herbs under the skin of the chicken. “I will have to start earlier.”

“And you will have to work quickly. We are no better than slaves, Mamie.”

Mamie sighed. “Frau Neumann seems reasonable. We could have been given someone far worse to look after.”

The kommandant’s wife had stared Fabienne down, but she hadn’t verbally asserted her position over them. Fabienne hadn’t thought for one minute that Frau Neumann would carry a gun, let alone that her first response would be to shoot her. Fabienne wasn’t that stupid. But she wasn’t going to be any more subservient than was necessary to remain alive, and to gain favour.

“Yes, you are right.”

Fabienne picked up the wood basket and headed through the back door to fill it and get a breath of fresh air. She contemplated the tall, fair-haired kommandant’s wife, with her sky-blue eyes that had held her gaze with the sharpness of an eagle, and the pale skin that gave her a fragile appearance. She was slender, the opposite of Fabienne’s muscular build, and exuded vulnerability, and yet she carried herself with unwavering confidence. The combination fired Fabienne’s curiosity. Frau Neumann had been unfazed by Fabienne’s gentle provoking, and that lack of reaction was a good indication that she didn’t fear being challenged. If anything, Fabienne would guess, Frau Neumann enjoyed it. Still, it would be best not to antagonise her unnecessarily.

Sometimes, though, Fabienne just couldn’t stop from speaking the truth.

Fabienne was going to have to manage her time well though, to do the milk run, get Nancy to school on time, and attend to her other commitments. She would bring one of the kittens to the house tomorrow, after she’d moved the French airmen from the woods. The last thing she needed was for Frau Neumann to take an active interest in the wine cellar.

5.

JOHANNA HAD PACED THE dining room for more than half an hour waiting for Gerhard to arrive home. She wore the same dress she had worn when they last went to the theatre together, hoping it would bring back fond memories, though that time seemed a lifetime ago and the remembrance did little to curb her building anxiety. Astrid’s excitement at seeing her father had paled. She’d given up asking when Vater was coming home and was practising her musical scales, rather poorly. The noise was starting to grate. Hauptmann Kohl stood in the foyer facing the front door.

Johanna heard the car approaching. Kohl’s back straightened like a board, and her heart strummed a heavy, thudding beat.

Kohl saluted sharply as Gerhard entered the house. “Guten Abend, Herr Kommandant.”

“Take this to my room. Leave it on my desk.”

Gerhard threw his satchel at Kohl. Kohl grappled with it, clutched it to him, clicked his heels hard, saluted sharply, and shot up the stairs like a frightened rabbit.

Johanna held her breath and clasped her hand to her chest. “Come here, Astrid,” she whispered and took her daughter’s hand. They waited for him to enter the dining room.

When he did, she stared at him in his pressed green-grey uniform and peaked cap with an absence of recognition. His face was thinner, his appearance sombre, and there was an emptiness in his eyes that shocked her. She forced herself to smile.

“Hello, Gerhard.”

“Vater.” Astrid stared at him and moved closer to her mother.

He removed his hat and set it on the sideboard, and ran his fingers through his fair hair. “I’m glad you arrived safely.” He picked up the open bottle of wine from the table, poured himself a glass and drank it swiftly, then came to Astrid. He bent towards her and held out his arms. She moved cautiously towards him. His hug was brief. He moved back, holding her shoulders, studying her. “You are taller,” he said.

“I’m nine now.”

Johanna recognised the disappointment in her daughter’s voice as her own when her father had returned from the Great War.

He smiled, though his eyes did not, and stood up, straightening his tunic as if to rid himself of her. He turned to Johanna, leaned towards her and kissed her cheek. “Let’s eat.” He poured himself another drink, withdrew a letter from inside his jacket and sat at the head of the table, his father’s image on the wall behind him as he read the document.

Johanna regarded the two men, father and son, one an older version of the other, and she realised that she had lost the husband she once knew. “Sit at the table, Astrid,” she said, and indicated a chair away from Gerhard.

As she started towards the kitchen, she locked eyes with Fraulein Brun and wondered how long she had been watching them. She continued into the kitchen. “You can serve dinner,” she said.

“The chicken will be tough, Frau Neumann,” Fraulein Brun said.

Johanna looked for an indication that the woman was claiming a victory over them but found none. She didn’t care that her husband would have to eat tough meat; it was a shame for Astrid though. “I’m sure Astrid will just be glad to eat.”

Johanna’s hunger had died at the grave appearance of her husband. She had a strong desire to drink to numb the sinister, leaden feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t tell anyone how she felt any more than she could consider the consequences for both her and Astrid of this transformation in Gerhard.

Maybe he was just tired, she told herself as she drank her third glass of wine after having picked at her vegetables. It pained her to waste precious food, but she couldn’t stomach anything that wasn’t going to blot out the atmosphere around him. He had said few words during the meal, though he had managed to ask Astrid what she was learning and seemed pleased that she was able to talk about German history and politics. He had been more relieved though to see his daughter ushered off to bed, and he hadn’t looked at Johanna since. She stared at the top of his balding head as he thumbed through a copy of Das Reich dated two weeks earlier. How revealing that old news was more appealing than his wife’s company.

“Why did you bring us here, if you don’t want to be around us?” she asked.

---