Page 116 of Swinging for the Deep End

“I swear, Piper,” he says. “She had feelings for me. I shut it down quick. I got into a bar fight and next thing I knew reporters wanted to follow me. I didn’t think anything of it until someone followed me to this woman’s apartment. Her ex saw the pics and went after her. That’s when she came after me again. This time it was worse than ever. Her and her boyfriend had this entire story of me getting her pregnant and hiding her and not taking care of her. They had pictures done up of her pregnant and with a baby and all that. It was bad. Of course that was right at the time I was due for my big contract. It makes me feel disgusting to think about it but what was I going to do? I took Tony’s advice. We paid them off. Things stayed quiet. I signed my big deal. Every now and again the story would sort of pop up but nothing Tony couldn’t keep under control. Until now. This… this is different, Piper. This was an onslaught. Fifty million? That’s insane.”

“It is insane, Cutter,” I say. “And I’m really sorry you went through that.”

“I’m not a bad guy, Piper. I see the look in your eyes. I’m not some deadbeat who had a kid and took off. I would never do that to someone. Ever. I can only imagine what’s been going through your head about me.”

“Just leave it at that then,” I say. “Okay? You told me your story. It doesn’t change the fact that someone was following me and taking pictures. Remember that serial killer thing? Laugh and joke, but I knew someone was following me. And you know what, Cutter? If you never showed up here then none of this would have happened. That’s the reality. I appreciate the security stuff. But even that doesn’t change anything.”

I can’t truly explain how badly I want to launch myself up to my toes and throw my hands around his neck and pull him down for a kiss.

If it was just me I had to think about, I’d do it.

But I have to think about my son. I have to protect my son. No matter what.

Even if it hurts me.

Even if it means walking away from a hunk like Cutter Buckley.

There will never be another Cutter Buckley in my life.

It makes my heart shiver and start to shatter.

But I guess sometimes that’s just how things go in life.

“That man just poured his soul out to you,” Maryanne says.

“Good for him,” I say.

“It takes balls to do that. To confess everything like that.”

“Are you going to stand here and stick up for him?”

“What did he do that was wrong?” Maryanne asks. “Nothing. Someone followed him and took pictures.”

“Don’t do that to me,” I say. “It… it hurts… okay?”

“You have feelings for him, don’t you? Serious feelings.” She inches closer to me. “Are you in love with him?”

I just stare at her.

Maryanne steps back and exhales. “Wow. That’s okay though, Piper. Who am I to give out advice on love, right? You want to know something about me? I was in love in college. A guy named Bret. What a sexy name. He and I were going to have the best life ever. He died in a car accident. No drinking or anything. Just one of those things. Lost control and hit a tree. I never felt that way again about anyone. My heart never knew what love was after that. Maybe that’s why I like birds so much. Maybe it’s my Bret visiting me, you know?”

I feel someone just cut my heart open even more.

I didn’t know any of that about Maryanne.

My eyes start to fill up with tears.

“I guess I’m just saying that if you feel love or you have love, don’t let anything get in the way of it,” Maryanne says. “You might not ever feel it again.”

Maryanne grabs my hands and squeezes them once.

Then she leaves.

I’m left in a state of shock over here.

“Mom?”

I look up and Saxon is on the steps.

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