Page 97 of Fearless Sinner

I realize then that I did find what I was looking for.

The picture told me everything, and he did the rest with what he didn’t say.

It’s not Seamus or even the whole marriage arrangement itself. It’s him.

Cillian can’t be with me because I’m not the one.

He already met the one for him, and she’s not here anymore.

That’s why I’ll just be the temporary wife.

And I think I just spoiled it by crossing a line I shouldn’t have crossed.

People say ignorance is bliss. They’re right. I was better off not knowing the truth.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Cillian

Last night Chloe tried to find answers.

Answers to the questions she has about why I appear to love her—which I do wholeheartedly—yet I’m willing to let her go.

I know her so well that I immediately knew that question would be the only thing to send her snooping around my office at that hour of the night. She’s had no reason to snoop before, but the vague situation between us is getting worse.

I don’t think it will get any better the longer we’re together. I see it only becoming harder.

On Saturday we’ll have been married for one month. The time has flown by fast, and I have a feeling that time will continue to fuck with me and speed up even more. The next thing I know six months will have flown by, and it will be the end of us.

I’ve been going through the motions of that scenario on my own, not wanting to talk about it with Chloe, much less think about it.

When I tried to leave her alone before, I couldn’t. I became her stalker, then I became her husband.

Now I’m even more stuck on the question of how I’m supposed to let her go.

Last night I knew she was in the office the instant I went upstairs, but I was impressed that she figured out how to open the secret room.

I was at the door before she found the picture of Erika and me. When she found it, I knew from the despondent look on her face that our situation was bothering her more than I wanted to accept.

I tried to summon the right words to explain the picture and explain myself, but nothing came to me. So I took the fucking coward's way out and didn’t try.

I didn’t even try when I picked up on what she must have thought after inspecting the picture of Erika and me. That I looked in love. I was. But that was then and my love for Erika was different from what I feel for Chloe.

It wasn’t more and it wasn’t less. It was just different.

That said, if I were ever asked to point out the biggest difference, I’d be able to say that my wife is my soulmate.

I’ve never loved with my soul before. That’s what she gets from me. And that’s what makes everything so much harder.

The fucked-up day I had yesterday didn’t help, and it made me worry more for her safety because I had another brush with death.

Jaxon and I went to check out a lead at a bar in the Bronx and ended up in a fucking fight. Harlan had been seen there with some cartel guys the day before, and the bartender who was my lookout called to let me know the guys were back.

Jaxon and I got there in time but the men started shooting at us the moment they spotted us. They’re dead now, but I had a close call.

The fucking trail ran cold with those motherfuckers. Like everything else.

I’m at the bank now but I’ll be on the streets later, working with my men in this continuous cycle of trying to find answers.

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