Page 54 of Fearless Sinner

“No, Mom. We relied on each other.”

“Maybe so, but I’m your mother. I should have been strong for you. But I fell apart and I don’t think I was ever the same again.” She gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

“Neither of us were, so you can’t blame yourself for that.”

“I guess so, but that’s not going to stop me.” She blows out a ragged breath and dabs at her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“It doesn’t matter how long it took. You came back to me. And I know you went through a lot. Roxy told me about your legs and that Nathan is in prison for murdering two people.”

I wince. “Roxanne shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t be mad at her. I forced her to tell me yesterday when you were talking with Dr. Chase.”

“I don’t want you to worry about anything. Definitely not the consequences of my mistakes.”

“Not knowing hurts my heart.” She taps her chest with her free hand. “I can see how much you’ve been through, just looking at you sitting there. It was hell, wasn’t it?”

I nod and for the gazillionth time, I hold back my tears. I can’t cry about those things. I won’t make it back if I do. “Sometimes in life people go through shit and when they look back, they wonder how they lived through it. But when I look back I wonder how I’m not dead.”

“I’m truly sorry. I was hoping I was wrong. In fact, I prayed I was. When I didn’t hear from you I wanted to believe I was wrong. I tried to move on and that’s how I ended up with Harlan. I knew he wasn’t good for me but I was happy. Until I wasn’t.”

“I’m sorry for you, too.” I nod, genuinely meaning that. “I was hoping you’d find love again after Dad.”

“Sweetheart. There really was no one like your father. I met him when I was five. People like that only come around once in a lifetime. When you meet them, you know they're keepers.”

Her words stay with me. I’m glad my parents had such a relationship.

“You haven’t told me about the debt. How you took care of it. I know you’re also waiting to get another loan from the bank. Dr. Chase told me that part. I need to know about these things, sweetheart.”

“I’m trying to get a business development loan. It was the only loan I was suitable to apply for. It was also the only loan that would give me as much as we need.”

“Thank you for applying. And the debt? Cillian O’Ridian is not exactly known for his kindness, but he was kind in lending us that money. I can just imagine how furious he must have been when he discovered Harlan screwed him over.”

My heart squeezes on hearing Cillian’s name. It’s the first time that Mom has mentioned him. “He was kind to us again. Kind to…me.”

I don’t want to lie too much. I don’t have to tell her every detail but I don’t want to lie. There have been too many lies between us over the years. I might not have been around to physically lie to her but my life was a lie. Nate made my family believe I didn’t want anything to do with them, and they believed him.

Mom sits straighter and gives me a knowing look. The kind of knowing look you give a person when you’ve figured out all the things they're not saying.

“Oh,” she breathes out the word, then suddenly looks worried. “Chloe, he’s?—”

“Not going to be around anymore.”

She brings her hand to her cheeks and the worry intensifies. “He didn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do, did he?”

“No. Not at all.” I’d be the world’s biggest liar if I said those eighteen and a half minutes the other night weren't the best I’d ever had in my life.

“Chloe…”

“I’m okay, Mom.”

She squeezes my hand again. “You’d tell me the truth, wouldn’t you?”

“Now more than ever.”

That reassurance seems to calm her. “Okay. Well, listen to me. I’m very sick. I’m very, very sick.”

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