Page 24 of Fearless Sinner

Dr. Chase gives me his usual sympathetic smile but today I can tell something has changed.

Roxanne and I are in his office, sitting on the other side of his desk while he’s in a large chair that reminds me of something you’d find in an executive office.

Dr. Chase wanted to see us to talk about Mom’s progress. Or rather lack thereof. She’s not awake yet.

“How are you both keeping?” He looks from Roxanne to me.

“We’re doing our best,” Roxanne answers with a polite smile.

My true answer to that question has so many parts we’d be here until lunchtime if I were to tell him how I felt.

The short answer to the question is that every day feels worse than the last. The longer Mom stays in a coma, the more distressed I become.

Not to mention the impact of discovering that my mother tried to find me, and I may never get to speak to her again.

“I’m here,” I decide to say. That’s what Dad used to say, especially toward the end when his cancer robbed him of strength and he became bedridden.

Dr. Chase nods, understanding. “It’s been a few days now that Rosaline has been in a coma. While her vitals are stronger, we’re very concerned about her heart. Her condition is making it harder for her to push through and wake up.”

“What does that mean?” I pray he’s not going to tell us that there’s nothing they can do.

“It means that we think she will need a new heart.”

His words are like ice, numbing my body.

“A heart transplant?” Roxanne checks.

Dr. Chase nods. “Yes. Rosaline has what we call end-stage heart failure.”

My hand falls off my lap and a surge of weakness spreads over me. It makes me feel like I might wither away into nothing. Roxanne places a hand to her chest, then she reaches across and takes my hand.

“Heart… failure.” My words are a soft mumble of almost incoherent sounds.

“I’m so sorry. Your mother has had a lot of what I call base-level treatments. They simply take the edge off the problem with the hope that it might help the healing. I explained to her that there was always a chance it wouldn’t work, but by the time she came to me it was all she could afford to do.”

Because of Harlan.

And because I wasn’t here. Everyone seems tapped out. If I’d been here I could have helped. Even if I’d come back months ago. Maybe I would have seen Harlan for the bastard he is.

“What happens now? Is there an insane waiting list for a heart transplant? And doesn’t it cost a lot?” Roxanne asks, tapping my hand in an attempt to reassure me.

“That’s the core of what I wanted to speak to you about. With your permission, I’d like to place Rosaline on the waiting list. Because of the severity of her condition she will be placed on the priority list. As for cost, I know that’s a problem.” He holds my gaze for a moment before looking at Roxanne. “Right now, we’re looking at two hundred thousand dollars, and that’s on the lower end of the spectrum.”

“Oh my God.” I bring a trembling hand to my mouth.

“I have spoken with your mother’s insurance company and managed to get them to be flexible because she’s been a member of their company for over twenty years. They will pay for the pre-transplant care, hospital stay, and her post-transplant care, but you’d need to pay the excess of two hundred thousand.”

God, I can’t breathe. I can’t. It takes me a moment to gather my thoughts and even then, my head feels like it’s going to spin right off my body.

Why does it feel like when we solve one problem, we get two more very fucked-up ones?

It took everything in me to go and see Cillian yesterday. I didn’t know what the hell I’d be walking into. I half expected to find him in a lair and was wildly surprised by the elegance of his bank. He owns a bank, and here I am without a cent to my name.

I sent off the loan application yesterday after my meeting with Cillian. I wanted to borrow half a million. The additional two hundred and fifty thousand dollars was to put into the restaurant. Roxanne told me they have debts, and they owe suppliers and staff. The place also needs some renovations. But this news… we’re going to have to use the money to save Mom.

“I’ve applied for a loan.” I try to sound positive, taking into consideration that Dr. Chase seems to have gone above and beyond to help Mom. I know he didn’t have to do that.

“That’s good. When will you hear back from them?” His bushy brows lift with the hope of this new possibility.

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