Page 97 of Penalty to the Heart

Words leave me with the hate that flickers in her eyes, and all I can do is stare at the woman who not only birthed me but who raised and took care of me all her life. After Dad died, she had to work three jobs just to keep a roof over our heads, and she still managed to find time to be at every game I played, always with a kind word and a gentle smile for me.

Not once did I ever hear her complain about the sacrifices that she made for us.

But drop one lousy turkey on the floor, and she acts like I just killed someone.

But it’s not about the turkey.

It’s what the turkey represents.

I know it, and she knows it.

“Okay, Ma. Let it out. Tell me what a rotten son I’ve been. Tell me everything you’ve been dying to say since the accident. Do it, Ma. I know you’ve been dying to. So let’s just stop beating around the bush and just say how you really feel about me. Come on, Ma! Say it!”

But just as the words leave my mouth, it’s my mother’s turn to stare at me like she no longer recognizes me.

“Well, Ma? I’m waiting.”

“Caleb, I have no idea what has gotten into you today, but I’m in no mood for your games.”

“This isn’t a game, Ma. I’m giving you carte blanche to tell me how you really feel. To say everything that has been eating you alive since I put your favorite son into a coma.”

She covers her ears with her hands and starts shaking her head.

“Stop it, Caleb! Just stop this right now!”

I gently pull her hands off her ears, her eyes red with unshed tears.

“I’m not going to stop, Ma,” I choke out, my own raw emotions getting the better of me. “Not until you tell me that you blame me for what happened to Jack. I need you to let it all out. All of it, Ma. Let all that poison out. It’s the only way we can get back to who we were to each other. We have to do something, Ma. Because I can’t go another day seeing the hate in my own mother’s eyes. It’s ripping me apart.”

Tears fall fiercely down her cheeks as hatred is replaced by pain.

“Is everything okay in here?” Erin asks, popping her head into the kitchen.

“No, everything is far from being okay,” my mother whispers before pulling away from me to walk over and stand beside Erin. “I’m sorry, dear, but it’s best you and the girls go out to eat. I’d rather be left alone tonight.”

“Ma,” I call out, but she just shakes her head.

“You have said enough for one night, Caleb. Please… just let me be… please.”

She then turns around and heads to her bedroom, locking herself inside.

“Well, that didn’t go well,” Erin says with concern. “I’m sorry, Caleb.”

“It’s not your fault,” I mutter, shoving my hands inside my pockets.

“Nor is it yours,” Erin is quick to add.

“It fucking kind of feels like it is.”

“I know it does, but deep down, your mother knows you aren’t to blame. For any of it. She just needs time to process her feelings.”

“I don’t know, E. I don’t know if I’ll ever get my mom back,” I say with a bowed head, kicking the air at my feet.

“You will.” Erin smiles assuredly. “She loves you, Caleb. Just give her some more time, okay?”

“Do I have a choice?” I grumble, wiping the water from my eyes.

“Time heals all wounds, Caleb. Remember that, okay?”

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