Page 84 of Penalty to the Heart

“If the only reason you are up in arms is because Piper lost him as a client, then I can assure you it wasn’t personal. Right now, nothing really matters to Caleb. Not his friends, not his teammates, and, I’m sorry to say, not any shiny trophies you might flaunt in his face. In all honesty, Caleb doesn’t even care about himself. And as long as he feels this way, he’ll remain lost at sea, trapped in a sinking ship.”

“So that’s it? We’re just going to let the kid drown?” Trent challenges with an accusatory tone.

“He’s not a child, Trent. He’s a grown man who is equipped to make his own adult decisions, even if you do not agree with them. You, and everyone else in his life, need to give him room to make such mistakes. It’s the only way he’ll learn to pick himself up on his own.”

“I don’t think you’re fully grasping the precarious situation we’re all in. Jack and Caleb have always been a packaged deal. I’m not sure either one would survive without the other,” Trent continues to challenge, still unable to grasp what I’m trying to tell him.

He knows, as well as I do, that I shouldn’t be imparting such private information to him. He tried the same thing with Nathan when I first took him on as a client, and now he’s doing it again with Caleb.

However, in this situation, it seems to me that Trent’s concern for his player goes beyond just a professional obligation, transcending to more of a personal one. I didn’t see it before, but now I do. There’s a kinship there. Trent feels for Caleb and empathizes with his current predicament more as a friend than as his boss.

Perhaps that’s why I give him further insight into Caleb’s inner workings instead of keeping silent.

“Unfortunately, that’s what Caleb thinks, too. Somewhere along his life, he’s based his whole identity on being Jack’s rebellious younger brother. Take a minute to let that sink in, Trent,” I caution carefully. “Can you imagine being so codependent on someone that, without them, you no longer feel like you have the right to hold a place in this world?”

“Is that really how he feels,” Trent frowns at the realization.

“It is. There is so much you can’t possibly comprehend because you, yourself, have always been your own person. Caleb has not.” I sigh, disheartened, as I try to explain Caleb’s actual circumstances. Firing his sports agent is the least of his problems compared with the ones he has to live with on a daily basis. “Most men would resent living under their brother’s shadow. Caleb, however, has done the opposite,” I continue. “To him, Jack is the be-all and end-all of his very existence. That type of codependency does something to a person’s psyche. It corrupts their own vision of reality.”

“I think I’m starting to understand. I don’t like it, but I think I’m starting to grasp what you’re trying to tell me. And if that really is the case, then I fear Caleb is in a lot more trouble than I previously thought.” His face contorts in a frown.

“Unfortunately, that’s just the tip of the iceberg where Caleb’s issues are concerned,” I confess with a solemn tone. “With Jack no longer able to offer him any type of guidance, Caleb’s guilt has taken the reins and has become the largest motivating factor when it comes to his decision-making. He believes himself responsible for his brother getting hurt, and I shudder to think how he’ll react if Jack doesn’t survive.”

“If these past months are any indication, then I know exactly what will happen if Jack passes,” Trent mutters despondently. “Caleb will lose everything.”

I let out a sigh because I agree with him.

But where Trent sees it as a bad thing, I see it as an opportunity for Caleb to evolve into his own person, free of anyone’s influence but his own.

“If that’s what needs to happen, then we’ll just have to let it,” I explain somberly.

“Piper is not going to like this. He’s her friend. Even I have a soft spot for the kid,” he says, with his back slightly hunched, hands clasped together just above his knees, gazing pensively at the river before us. “That day at the hospital… after the car accident happened… you didn’t see what I saw. I watched a piece of him die that day when we gave him the news about his brother.”

“That may be true, but as you can see, Caleb’s not done breaking.”

We both stare at the river, Trent in his thoughts, I in mine.

“What if he doesn’t get through this? What if he sabotages everything he’s worked for?”

“Then it will be up to him to rebuild himself. If that is even what he wants to do.”

“Damn it, Roxanne. I thought therapy was supposed to help people when they were losing their shit,” he half-laughs, half-groans.

“It is,” I smile. “And though it doesn’t seem like much, I have been able to make some headway with Caleb these past few weeks. We have a good rapport going despite his early reluctance. But sometimes, people will only get better after hitting rock bottom. And I fear Caleb hasn’t reached his lowest point yet.”

“Well, that’s a scary thought,” Trent grumbles.

“For him, yes.”

“So what you’re saying is that this is a sink-or-swim situation we have in our hands—sans Jack as Caleb’s lifejacket?”

“Yes,” I nod. “But I’m holding out hope that Caleb won’t drown. I’m positive that he’ll see that there are no answers for him at the bottom of the river. Not the ones he seeks, at least, which will give him the strength to swim back up. Then, and only then, will he be in a position to truly start the healing process.”

“And that’s where you come in, I assume?”

“Me and the people who care for him,” I tell him truthfully. “He’s going to need a lot of grace, Trent. Can you give him that?”

“I’m not the problem, Roxanne. Piper and I will do everything we can for the kid, even if it’s giving him some space to fuck up even more. The real problem here is Preston. The man is on a mission to make his mark. If Caleb becomes too much of a liability, I have no doubt in my mind that Preston will cut him from the team.”

---