Page 53 of Penalty to the Heart

When a tear escapes from the corner of her eye, I’m quick to wipe it away with my thumb.

“All I had were my routines. Wake up. Work. Eat. Visit the cemetery. Cry. Sleep. Only to do it all over again the next day. My routines were the only things keeping me sane. Until they didn’t work anymore. Until they weren’t enough. Sound familiar?” she whispers the last part to me.

I nod, releasing my hand from hers so she can finish her story for the group.

“It was only when I pushed everyone I ever cared for out of my life that I realized I could no longer live like this. It was only when I got help that I got better. This group helped me get better, and for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.”

“Thank you, Roxanne, for speaking your truth,” Father McDowell says after she’s done with her heartfelt testimony. “Would anyone else like to go next?”

As Father McDowell picks his next victim, Roxanne leans into me and whispers in my ear.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” I croak, still overwhelmed with everything she just told to a room full of strangers.

“For listening, Caleb. Sometimes the best thing anyone can do for someone else is just… listen.”

I stare deep into her eyes, and for a moment, I lose myself in them.

They’ve seen the same crippling pain I have.

Experienced it firsthand.

And yet… they still haven’t lost their shine.

“Maybe one day you can teach me how you do that,” I say softly, my words belying the rapid pace of my heart.

“Do what?” she retorts, confused.

“Make me believe that everything will be okay. That I… will be okay.”

“And you will be. I promise you, Caleb. One day, you will be. It just takes time,” she consoles, threading her fingers with mine.

I stare at our entwined hands and feel a sudden ache in my chest.

Something new is carving its way inside me, and I just can’t seem to put my finger on it.

But instead of trying to decipher what that is, I give her hand a tiny squeeze and offer my undivided attention to the next person sharing their story.

If it worked for her… then maybe, just maybe… It can work for me too.

Chapter 9

Roxanne

“Still no word from Mr. Donovan, I’m afraid,” Lisa explains after an hour has passed from Caleb’s appointment time slot. “Do you mind if I close up shop now, or do you need me to stay a little longer?”

“No, Lisa. It’s quite alright. Go home and enjoy the rest of your night,” I reply with a forced smile.

“You too,” she waves off cheerfully before racing away.

I, unfortunately, stay seated at my desk, wondering where it went wrong.

I really thought yesterday’s group session at St. Francis would have done the trick to change Caleb’s mind about getting the help that he needs. After all the stories he heard, I was certain that at least one would have resonated with him somehow and touched him enough to realize that he’s not as much of a lost cause as he deems himself to be.

But alas, as I stare at the wall clock in my office and watch the long hand dip away, minute by minute, I have to face the fact that not everyone is prepared to open themselves up like that. It takes an enormous amount of courage and strength to be that vulnerable with someone.

For a brief second, I honestly believed Caleb carried such strength inside him.

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