Page 43 of Penalty to the Heart

“I know I am.” He pats my knee affectionately. “But word of caution—don’t let his grief pull you back into yours. You’ve come a long way since Gregg’s passing. Don’t ruin all the progress you’ve made in an effort to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”

I don’t say anything to that.

Mostly because I don’t want to allow myself to remember the dark hole I was once trapped in. Lord knows it took me years to crawl out of it. Though I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t still bear its scars. Wounds that cut the soul that deep don’t ever truly mend. Instead, they transform into this dull ache you just learn to live with.

“Fine. I’ll do my best to help him,” I retort, needing to push those thoughts out of my mind and concentrate on something else. Even if that something else is helping a patient that doesn’t want my help.

“I know you will.” Rex smiles, his faith in my abilities making me feel humbled.

“I am going to miss you, dear friend.”

“So will I, sweet girl. So will I.”

After finishing my lunch date with Rex, I embark on my customary walk through the park while he heads off in a different direction to visit Trent.

I know he’s looking forward to this next stage in his life, but leaving Trent behind will be hard for him. Though he and Martha never had children of their own, Rex dotes on Trent as if he were his own flesh and blood. Leaving such a big part of his heart behind—in more ways than one—will be painful for him.

For both of them.

Thankfully, Trent has his girlfriend, Piper Lee, by his side to support him through this arduous transition. I’m not sure how he’d cope with such a loss otherwise. However, something tells me that the moment Rex leaves for Dallas, Trent will figure out a way to manage his busy schedule and fly to see him as much as possible.

After a peaceful stroll around the park facing the Charles River, I return to my office, fully aware that I need to prepare myself for my upcoming session with Caleb Donovan later this afternoon.

Once I’m seated at my desk, I pull out his file, jot out some notes, and pick up my recorder.

“The goal of today’s session is to establish a rapport with Caleb and gain a better understanding of his pressing issues. I will focus on active listening and empathy to create a safe space for him to open up about his thoughts and feelings. I will also be exploring his past experiences and family history to get a comprehensive understanding of his background. My approach will be client-centered, focusing on Caleb’s goals and needs. I will be using various therapeutic techniques to help him gain insight into past problematic behaviors and develop coping strategies to manage his current sprouts of anger and melancholy. I am committed to providing a supportive and nonjudgmental environment for Caleb to explore his emotions and work towards positive change.”

I turn off my recorder, store it to the side, and stare at Caleb’s photograph on file. It’s the same one every Boston Guardians player is forced to take, so it can be used for the player lineup board at every hockey event.

The carefree and contagious smile in this picture is starkly different from the one he wore yesterday—one that was cruel and malicious, even if sad at times.

“This one,” I whisper with a frown, “is innocent and hopeful. It’s… free.”

Hmm.

Rex might be right.

Maybe I am the perfect person to help Caleb navigate through his grief.

There is no question in my mind that Caleb is suffering an enormous amount of pain right now. I didn’t need to witness his breakdown in the hospital parking lot last week to realize that. Simply picking up this photograph and observing how drastically he has changed since it was taken speaks volumes about the pain he is going through.

He can try to hide his agony by camouflaging it with anger and mischievous provocation all he wants. If he doesn’t get a good handle on it, soon he’ll be self-sabotaging all his relationships until there is no one left to hear his pain.

I’ve seen this movie before.

Hell, I had a starring role in it once upon a time.

When Gregg died, all I wanted was to die with him.

If that meant pushing everyone I loved out of my life, then so be it. I was good with that since I didn’t like seeing the shade of pity in everyone’s eyes anyway. It only reminded me of how truly alone I felt in the world. That the best part of me had died right along with him.

That’s how Caleb feels at this very moment.

As his brother’s life hangs by a thread, so does his.

Everything good and decent in his life is slipping away.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

---