Page 40 of Penalty to the Heart

But I don’t give her the pleasure of a straight answer.

Not that one, at least.

“Everyone says you’re the best,” I state instead of answering her question.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say that, but I have had many success stories.”

“Do you think I’ll be one of them?”

“That all depends.”

“On what?”

“If you want to be saved from your overwhelming grief or not.”

“If I wanted salvation, I’d go to a priest. Not a shrink.” I scoff.

“Therapist,” she corrects.

“What’s the difference?”

“A psychiatrist is prone to prescribing pharmaceutical drugs for their patients’ ailments. Therapists believe that other resources and tools are just as effective as any pill out there. Though in some cases, both methods are needed.”

“Do you think I need drugs?” I ask with a cocky smirk.

“I believe you self-medicate enough without adding prescription drugs into the mix.”

“Oh yeah? And how exactly do I self-medicate?” I retort.

“With alcohol, I suspect. Though your need for sexual release with various partners comes as a close second. And lately, your spots of rage indicate that neither coping mechanism has been able to help alleviate the pain.”

“You think you have me all figured out, don’t you, Doc?” I grumble, pissed that she knows me so well when I don’t know the first thing about her.

“I think you’re a man who is suffering. Immensely so. And that you are searching for any type of relief to dull that ache. But nothing is helping. Is it, Caleb?”

“You make me sound like some basket case.”

“Broken, I believe was the word you used,” she says, sadness coating her beautiful eyes.

I swallow the lump in my throat and get up off the couch.

“I think that’s enough for today. Don’t you?”

With her neck craned back, she eyes me tenderly, a tenderness that wasn’t there when I first walked in.

And I hate it.

I hate everything about it.

Because she’s right.

I don’t want to feel.

I don’t want to feel a goddamn thing.

And by the look in her eyes, feeling is exactly what she’s going to force me to do.

Not today, Satan.

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