Page 27 of Penalty to the Heart

Me: I’ll do it.

Trent: Thank you. I owe you one.

I don’t reply and pocket my phone instead, preferring to watch Caleb lose all composure, thinking the shadows of the hospital’s parking lot will be enough to hide his pain. Little does he know he’s got an attentive audience in me. I refuse to leave him alone while he is falling apart like this. I feel a sense of commiserating obligation to stay with him at his frailest hour, even if from afar. The unyielding tug at my heart compels me to reach out and offer him comfort. Yet, I force myself to remain unseen, a silent observer of his private struggle.

I don’t dare move.

Instead, I continue to watch him from a distance, kicking his car with raw pain etched on his face. His cries of agony echo through the empty parking lot, the sound piercing through the stillness in the air. Tears stream down his cheeks, his body trembling with emotions too heavy to bear. As he collapses to the ground, his fists pounding against the pavement, my own eyes start to water, recalling how such grief has the power to consume a person whole. Silent tears cascade down my face at the heartbreaking display of such human vulnerability.

Time ceases to exist for both of us.

And yet, I still don’t move.

Not even an inch.

Because if I do… if I get out of this car and run to him, he’ll raise that mask he wears so well and throw up walls so high that no one will ever be able to climb their way through.

And right now, the shield he’s fond of pulling up will only do him harm.

He needs this.

He needs to let himself feel.

All of it.

Even if it breaks him.

Even if he gasps for air as his agonizing cries threaten to strangle his windpipes.

He needs to break.

Because only when he’s hit rock bottom will he accept my help to build him back up.

Chapter 5

Caleb

Instead of mustering up another forced smile, I bow my head in deep thought as I fix my gaze on my feet while trudging down the all-too-familiar hospital corridor, with its sterile white tiles stretching endlessly before me. Acting like I’m trapped in my own thoughts is the only strategy that seems to work to brush off the curious glances of the hospital staff and patients alike.

It’s not like I need to look where I’m going anyway.

I know the way by heart now.

Of course, sometimes mishaps do happen on my way to his room.

Like bumping into strangers whose amber eyes look like they can see straight into a man’s soul.

The old Caleb would have used yesterday’s serendipitous encounter with such a gorgeous creature to ask for her number.

This version of me… didn’t even think of trying.

My heart just wasn’t in it.

But then again, not much is.

Doesn’t matter either way.

What would a beautiful woman like her want with a piece of shit like me anyway? It’s not like I have anything to offer besides pain and heartache. The old Caleb would have shown her a good time, even if only for a night.

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