Page 157 of Penalty to the Heart

“I hope you don’t intend to leave that ring on your brother’s finger. Someone might take it to make a fast buck,” I hear my mother say behind me.

Before I turn around, I wipe my tears with my sleeve so she doesn’t see me crying.

“Hi, Ma,” I say before standing up from my chair.

She smiles in greeting, her face surprisingly lacking the look of disdain that I’ve become accustomed to lately.

She walks over to me and sits down on the chair, grabbing Jack’s hand in hers.

“I… um… I’ll leave you alone. I’ll come back later,” I say, already halfway to the door.

“I can still remember the first time your father took you both to your first hockey game,” she says, halting my step. “You and Jack were so excited that you didn’t sleep a wink the night before,” she reminisces fondly. “And after the game, to your father’s dismay, you told everyone that one day you and Jack would win a Stanley Cup ring of your own. The Donovan brothers would be a household name and that all of Boston would know who you were because you would be the best hockey players this city had ever seen.”

“I… remember,” I stammer, shoving my hands into my pockets.

“I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Just a young boy’s pipe dream. But Jack took your words to heart. And after that day, he did everything in his power to make your dreams come true. And now… you’ve made his.”

I swallow the lump in my throat as she turns her head over to me, tears welling up in her eyes.

“He would be so proud of you, Caleb. So very proud of what you’ve accomplished,” she says with a sob. “And it pains me to say it, but he’d be so ashamed of me. So very ashamed of how I’ve treated you these past few months.”

“Don’t say that, Ma,” I croak, taking a step forward and grabbing one of her shoulders.

“Why not? It’s true.” She sobs. “I was so engulfed in my own grief that I blamed you for all of it. You… my baby boy. What kind of mother does that? Jack will never forgive me. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself.”

“It’s okay, Ma,” I reply, going to my haunches to be at her eye level. “You were hurting. I can understand that. I was hurting, too.”

She cups my face, stares into my eyes, and says, “Don’t make excuses for me, Caleb. I know how terrible I’ve been lately. You didn’t deserve it. I should have been on my knees, thanking God Almighty for being merciful enough to have spared the life of one son. Instead, I only focused on the misery of possibly losing the other. I’m so sorry, Caleb. So very, very sorry.”

Tears fall rapidly down our cheeks as I hug her, her body trembling with sorrow and grief.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. It’s okay, Ma.”

“No, it’s not.” She shakes her head. “But you’ve always had a kind heart—just like your brother.” She cries.

I let her cry while my own troubled heart lightens at her words.

“I promise I’ll make up for all of it, Caleb. I promise.”

“There’s nothing to make up for. I’m just happy that you don’t hate me anymore.”

“Hate?” She pulls back in astonishment. “I could never hate you, Caleb. Never. Yes, I wanted to blame someone for what happened to Jack, but I could never hate you. You boys are my heart. My whole heart, Caleb. I love you dearly. I always will.”

“I love you too, Ma.” I sob, my tears freefalling now as I let her hug me.

We stay like that for what feels like forever, purging our grief, sorrow, and suffering, one tear at a time.

When we break from our hug, I look at my brother’s face and almost imagine a soft smile cresting his lips.

Today, I gave him a ring.

And in turn, he gave me back our mother.

Even in his slumber, he’s still watching over me.

And whether he wakes up or not, I doubt that will ever change.

After my heartfelt talk with my mother at the hospital, she offers to accompany me to Erin’s since she had already made plans with her to take the girls to the park in the afternoon.

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