Page 114 of Penalty to the Heart

I swallow dryly as he presses his hard chest against mine.

“I’m losing it, Roxie. I’m fucking losing it. And right now, you’re the only thing that can stop me from falling into the deep end entirely.”

“That’s not true. You can pull yourself out of this. I know you can.”

“What if I don’t want to? What if this hell I’m living in is exactly what I deserve?” he says, running his thumb over my lower lip and giving it a gentle pull. “What if I don’t deserve more than this?”

“You’re not thinking rationally,” I breathe out, pulling my wrists free from his grip and taking two steps back away from him, only for him to bridge the gap a second later.

“I’m not thinking at all,” he declares, eyes fixed on mine. “All these feelings are coming at me in full swing, and I can’t make them stop. Only you can, Roxie. Just help me… please.”

“I… I…” I stammer as my back hits the sink, leaving Caleb’s body fully pressed against mine.

“Please,” he begs, “just make it stop.”

My heart leaps out of my chest at the urgent plea in his eyes. His agony is crushing his spirit right before me, and it physically hurts to see him in such agony. I’d do just about anything for him not to feel like this.

I know that pain.

I’ve lived it.

The guilt. The remorse. The regret. The grief.

It’s all so much that sometimes you’d sell your soul to stop feeling such excruciating misery, even if only for a second. Just so you could breathe for once without the shards of glass of your broken heart slicing you open from the inside.

“Please,” he whispers, making my heart bleed out for him.

I lick my lips and place my hand on his cheek, his eyes closing of their own accord.

“Please,” he breathes again, pressing his temple to mine, his hands grabbing my waist, white-knuckling the fabric of my pajama bottoms.

I struggle to catch my breath as I study every crease of anguish on his beautiful face, the sudden ache in my heart revealing a truth I’m no longer able to deny.

When you’re ready to talk and admit to yourself that what I’m feeling isn’t one-sided, you know where to find me.

But I didn’t have to go and find him—he found me.

Even at his darkest, Caleb somehow brought the shimmer of truth into my home.

His feelings for me aren’t unrequited—they are wholeheartedly reciprocated.

Why else would it hurt this much to see him in such pain if I didn’t harbor feelings for him?

There’s only one explanation for it—one that satisfies both my rational mind as well as my aching heart.

Because somehow—and completely unknowingly—I’ve fallen in love with him.

And before that truth has me running for the hills, with two little words, I selfishly decide to give into it, craving to ease his suffering as well as my own.

“Kiss me.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, Caleb’s eyes swing open. There’s such profound gratitude swimming in their emerald depths that my heart threatens to stop beating altogether if he continues to look at me like that.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Let me help you. Kiss me, Caleb. I want you to,” I profess with resolve.

“Thank you,” he whispers as if I just handed him the keys to heaven itself.

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