Page 185 of My Five Daddies

“Get some sleep,” I say, and head back into the kitchen. I pour myself some coffee and lean up against the counter as I sipit.

I don’t know why I got so upset last night. These gossip shows are always making stuff up and are wrong more often than not. Jackson and Holly might just be friends from set and nothingmore.

But still, something’s nagging at me. Jackson’s being pretty clear about what he wants from me, and it’s obvious that he’s interested in pursuing me. I don’t know how I feel about that, since there are so many complicated feelings behind all of this. I’m completely torn about it. On the one hand, it’s Jackson, he’s always been the one that got away. But on the other, I was wrecked the last time I let myself get close to him, and I don’t know if I can handle thatagain.

It just doesn’t make any sense to me. It seems totally bizarre that he’d try so hard to get back in my good graces, and then go ahead and date Holly Hart. I know he’s gotten something of a reputation since he became a star, but I can’t fault him for that. And most of the time, those reputations arebullshit.

It’s too much for me to deal with right now. I’m just going to go to work, do my job, and hope everything works out. I grab a yogurt, deciding I’ll eat on set, and pour my coffee into an insulated mug before heading back out into the livingroom.

“Seriously, Laney,” I say to her. “You gotta shower and sleeptoday.”

She doesn’t even look at me. “Check it,” she says,pointing.

I look down at the screen, and there’s Jackson and Holly. I’m taken totally by surprise, although I shouldn’t be. They’re eating together, laughing together, and he’s even pulling her along by the hand. They don’t kiss, but still, that looks prettyintimate

“Guess it’s true,” Laney says. She looks up at me. “I don’t know why I watch thiscrap.”

I stare at the television, and I can feel myself starting to spiralagain.

“What’s with you?” Laney asks me. “Every time this guy is mentioned on TV, you freak out. Something happen onset?”

I look slowly at her and shake my head. She has no clue and how could I even explain it to her? Oh Laney, this new action star was actually my boyfriend in high school, he broke my heart back then, really fucked me up, and now he’s back and trying to rekindle something between us, but suddenly now he’s dating his costar, and apparently I’m a mess over it. Okay, so maybe it’s not all that complicated to say, but there’s so much there to unpack, and I just can’t bring myself to doit.

I have a choice to make. I can fall apart like I did last night, or I can stand up and shake it off and go to work. I can be a moody teenager again with a broken heart, or I can suck it up and getmoving.

So I take a deep breath, smile at Laney, and head to the door. “I’m fine,” I say to her. “I’ll see you later, okay? Sleep today,please.”

“Yeah, sure,” shesays.

“Later.” I give her a smile and quickly leave, although I don’t feel anything likesmiling.

I’m not letting Jackson’s freaking games get me down. I’m going to work and I’m going to do my job. I don’t want to see or talk to him beyond what I have to, and that’ll be that. He can date his little movie starlet, and I’ll have my old life back. It can be like he never came home atall.

* * *

The day goesabout how you’dexpect.

Jackson tried to talk to me a couple times, but I blew him off. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I knew I couldn’t talk to him without crying or getting pissed off. I just wasn’t going to be rational. I’m strong, but I’m notinvincible.

So I did what any self-respecting grown ass woman would do in my situation: I ran the hell away anytime he camenear.

Of course, I did my job. I can’t just blow that off because I’m mad at him. I still spoke to him when I had to and I kept things professional. But as soon as it seemed like things were about to get personal, I walked the hell away from there as fast as I could without making ascene.

And so I got through the day. Holly and Jackson barely spoke to each other all afternoon, but the rumor mill was going overtime. People were talking like crazy about the two of them, which is pretty much standard on a set. There’s nothing private when you’re working this closely with people all day long for months at atime.

I just tried not to pay attention. Whenever Jackson and Holly came up, I’d just leave the conversation. And so I got through the day, which I’m actually pretty proud of. I put on my big girl pants and I sucked it up and I got through it. I’m not dead, it wasn’t the worst experience in the world, and now I’m standing in the studio parking lot willing myself not to breakdown.

Instead of crying like a total dweeb, I call up Laney. She answers on the secondring.

“Morning,” she says, soundinggrumpy.

“You slept until now?” I askher.

“Prettymuch.”

I laugh and shake my head. “Come on. Come out with me. I need adrink.”

“You need a drink? I need coffee. This is mymorning.”

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