Page 89 of Ruined Wolfsbane

Sliding my index finger under the faded pink seal, I slowly open the cream envelope, not wanting to rip anything. I pull out the letter tucked inside. Unfolding it, I begin to read what my mom left me:

My sweet Briar Rose,

If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. I’m so sorry, baby. I tried to stay with you as long as I could, but Patrick had other plans.

I hope you’ll never read this. Just in case, I’m putting everything in place should anything happen to me. That includes taking some of your memories from before we met Patrick. I only took what was necessary, so please don’t be angry. All I ever wanted to do is protect you and Ava Grace.

You’ll only be without your memories for a little while. You need these memories to face what’s coming. It’s crucial that you know who and what you are.

Once you go to live with Uncle Vale and Aunt Abbie, they’ll make sure you find my letter. I can face whatever lies ahead knowing my girls will be safe from Patrick and protected by the two people I trust most in the world.

To get your memories back, you need to go back to Hawthorne Grove and find the woman you used to know as Nan. Her name is Ophelia McAlister. She’s the mage who crafted the memory-loss potion. Only she knows how to reverse it. Don’t trust anyone else who says they can restore your memories. The spell is incredibly complex. Anyone else trying to remove it will do more damage than good.

You’ll never know how sorry I am that I had to leave you. It kills me that I won’t be there to see you finish school, find your mates, start a family, and so much more.

I know losing me will be hard. But, Briar Rose, don’t let it harden you. You are so incredibly sweet, caring, and empathetic. Don’t let my death make you forget how to be sweet and only remember how to be fierce. You were always meant to be both.

You’re going to need people in your corner to get through what’s ahead. Family, friends, and someday your mates. It’s so easy to lock others out when you’re hurting, walling your heart off to keep it safe. Lord knows the last thing I wanted to do when I lost your dad was let anyone in. But opening my heart up to people who loved me was the only thing that helped me heal. You’ll never mend your heart if you never let anyone in.

You are never alone, no matter how much it feels like it sometimes. So many people are here for you if only you’ll let them be.

What’s ahead of you will be hard. If I could do it for you instead, I would. But you’re the only one who can fix what’s been broken for too long. I have faith in you, my Briar Rose.

Please give my letter to Ava Grace when she’s old enough to understand it. I know I don’t even need to ask you to look out for her. You’ve always been so kind to her, the best big sister anyone could ask for.

I am so, so proud of the girl you are and the woman I know you’ll become.

Remember, Briar Rose, always be as sweet as a rose and as fierce as its thorns.

I love you so much, baby.

Love forever and always,

Mama

When I finish reading the letter, a drop of water splashes onto the thick cream paper. I didn’t even realize I was crying. Reaching up, I swipe away the tears before they can ruin the last piece of my mom I have.

I set the letter down and bury my head in my hands. My shoulders shake with silent sobs, and my throat feels like it’s closing up. I feel like I’m going to splinter into a million pieces, like a glass bottle carelessly dropped on a hard floor.

Malachi gently lifts me up from my chair and sets me on his lap. His strong arms wrap around me, keeping me together as I fall apart. This seems to be a routine for us. I wish I would stop needing it.

I’d be embarrassed about the Wyldharts seeing my weakness if I could feel anything past the grief smothering me. But I can’t. All I can feel is the sorrow invading my bones, pulverizing my already bruised heart, and constricting my airway.

Why did Patrick have to take my mom?

She was sunshine, pure and good, and everything right in the world. And I’m not. I’m just me, weak and broken and probably irrevocably ruined by Patrick. Whatever Mama thinks is ahead of me, I know without a doubt she would have been better at handling it. All I’ve done for the last seven years is survive.

How can I fix something that’s broken when I can’t even fix myself?

I have to try. If nothing else, I have to try to live up to the person my mom thinks I will be. While I’ll probably fail, at least I’ll know I did my best. That’s all Mama ever asked of me.

I don’t know how long I cry, but eventually the tears dry up. I’m left a red-nosed, puffy-eyed mess. Clearing my throat a few times, I’m finally able to speak past the lump in my throat. “I need to go back to Hawthorne Grove.”

CHAPTER 37

BRIAR

Isquint my eyes as we step out into the early afternoon sunshine. Someone needs to give the sun a chill pill because it’s way too bright.

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